Tag: writing

Letter to my Teenage Self

lizaaitken

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My Dear Younger Self,

Stop trying to be so tough, stop trying to fit in and know that you will one day find your place in the world.

Don’t fear rejection in all your relationships, because those that truly love and value you will never leave you. The rejection you feel now is false, he did not leave you, he was a young man himself, he was walking his own path, your paths will cross further down the line. As adults you will gain an understanding and in some way support one another. He is one of your teachers, he is one of your great lessons in life.   Don’t fear rejection in everything you do because of this, believe in yourself as when you believe, others will too.

Don’t doubt your own ability and don’t compare yourself to others because you are one of a kind, you are original as each of us are, find your authentic self and let it shine.  Just be yourself as that is who you are meant to be, do not imitate others as by doing so you will not find yourself.  If you pretend to be something you are not you will only be deceiving yourself and you will gain nothing from deception.

Each experience will help you, because that is what truly gives us an understanding of who we are, how we respond to life and what we learn from its lessons.  Later in life you will work with children damaged by their experiences, your own experiences in life and understanding will help you in this role.  Through your study in this area and helping  young people recover from trauma, you will also be helping yourself.

Some of your challenges will be difficult, you will question your ability to get through them.  Sometimes you will want to give up, throw in the towel, but there’s a fight inside of you that will not let you.  When you see the light of day after the storm, you will realise, it was meant to be.  Sometimes it will feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath you, it will be the breaking down of all you know and you will feel fear.  But that will just be the end of one cycle as each ending will herald a new beginning.  Life is full of transitions, ups and downs, highs and lows.  It is only through these that we recognise happiness and joy.

You have no one to let down but yourself, in truth others want you to succeed, because when you do it gives them hope. Send out love to those that might be envious of your success, as love is the strongest energy and will always overcome spite and envy.  When you set out to accomplish something, do so for yourself, not for what others may or may not think but because it is right for you.  Don’t doubt yourself, that is the only thing in your way.

Choose your companions wisely, do not be fooled by false friends or promises, find the true nature of those who cross your path, trust your intuition. You will make mistakes but I’m not going to wish them away, because through those mistakes you will grow stronger and move forward.  You have a strength that runs through you that needs to be brought to the surface, adversity and difficulties will pull this strength up to the surface where it belongs.

Watch and love your mother, after all is said and done she will be your greatest teacher in life. Your mother is love, she will show you how to love unconditionally.  She will teach you to look out for those weaker than yourself, watch her kindness and emulate it for she will lead you to find your natural caring nature.  Through the parenting you receive from your mother you will understand how to become a parent yourself, take the very best of your experiences and nurture and love your own child in the same way.

Make the most of your mother while you can, because one day she will leave you and that will be truly painful for you.  Make sure you hold nothing back, let her know how you feel and what she means to you, make her proud and give her permission to go when the time is right, because afterwards you will feel better that you did.  Tell people how you feel, don’t ever be afraid to show love.  Be open in friendship and love, in this way you will draw the best of people to you.

Watch out for your ego, don’t let it mask who you really are. The ego grows through doubt and fear, the ego is a tough cookie to crumble.  You will find your ego will follow you throughout your life.  On occasion it may help you in a way, like when you have to walk into a room full of people to argue a point, sometimes you will put on your high heals and lipstick to do this, that is when you are close to your ego.  There will come a time when you grow wiser and you can speak up for yourself and others without having to create a different persona.  You won’t worry about qualifications or academia because you will intuitively know you are right, you will have found the confidence you so lack now.  You will have a practical approach, say it how it is not dress it up behind long words or theoretical ideas.  People will believe you because of your honesty, you will be known for your transparency and sometimes vulnerability.

That voice you hear inside, that’s your intuition, it won’t let you down. If it feels right, it is right even if it does not feel so at the time.  Take note of your intuition, you have an ability to read situations, you know what people are thinking before a word is uttered, you can spot a lie a mile off.  Your natural intuition will draw good people to you because you recognise them, whatever hat they are wearing at the time.  You will find the good in people others cannot see, but also to only look for the good in people, will let you down on occasion, not all come from a good place.  Do not trust everyone you meet, not all souls are walking the same path.

Find time to understand yourself through self enquiry, connect on a deeper level, find the observer inside, the one that watches, for the observer will always be with you.  The observer does not judge, but watches and only in finding this connection can you begin to understand yourself.  Sit in silence and experience the stillness inside of you, meditate on the bigger questions in life. Find the answers you are looking for inside, for you have all the answers as you are connected to all things, you are at one with the universe.

Live in the moment, enjoy each moment without worrying about tomorrow.  Worry or not, what will happen, will happen and you will waste today worrying about tomorrow or longing for yesterday.  Appreciate the small things in life, because life is made up of small things.  But do not put your head in the sand, some things need to be dealt with and will not just disappear into thin air through will alone, some things need working on.

It is like you are asleep now, the world passes you by in your hurry to get somewhere, but you do not see it, you have no time for the wonders of the world around you. You will find that time, one day you will wake up and the world will come alive for you, you will cherish that day and from then everyday will be a new day.

Finally you will find love is the answer, not false love, not love dependant on another but love in its natural state. Love is a prayer, it’s the care you have for others, it’s the way you show this to the world and how you care for yourself. Love does not die and when death comes to pass, know that love crosses all boundaries.

Take care and do your best

Your loving, older and wiser self.

Hopelessness

lizaaitken

The full moon always affects me, I often don’t know it’s coming but I know when it’s arrived. I’m not sure why, I’ve heard we are ruled by the tides, the moon controls the tides, so it’s that simple I suppose. I also live by the sea, I’m sure you’ve heard of those that ‘live on the edge’.

I’m not usually given to moods, but this week I have a feeling of hopelessness descending that I can’t seem to kick. This really isn’t like me, I’m upbeat, don’t worry about things and know that everything comes to pass.

It makes sense when I think about it, the anniversary of my mothers death is next week. It’s been two years now and I miss her terribly. It is a wound I carry, I loved her and miss her but I am not always sad, because I remember her beauty and laughter. We used to talk everyday, I’m still talking but she’s not answering, well least not that I can hear any way. I’m missing the opportunities of being with her, those that I took for granted.

It will pass and life will go on, I will laugh and have fun. I will continue to see the beauty in the world and in others and I will love with all my heart. But and here’s the big but, it’s okay to have a bad day once in a while. It is okay to give into feelings because they are there it is okay sometimes to give into feelings of helplessness.

Not to acknowledge sadness is to repress it, and when we do that we are just freezing it out until it returns to get us as true feelings cannot be repressed forever. I used to bury a lot, anger, fear, sadness but I found it’s not helpful to me and on top of that I have to spend a fortune getting it cleared!

If I’m sad now, I acknowledge it and let it in to sit with me a while. I think about it, communicate with it and make sense of it, only then can I let it go. I believe we have to do this, it’s being present, being in the moment and working on ourselves. We can’t hide the truth, it’s better to face it, accept it and move on.

I’m in a good place in that I am able to understand what is going on, I understand how emotions can take control of us, I understand the impact of trauma and stress. I give myself therapy, lots of healing and loving care, I make sure my environment is therapeutic and put good food into my body.  I visit others for healing and energy work, supervision for my emotions I call it. I practice yoga and meditation, okay I’m a little lapse on the yoga but the intention is there. I wouldn’t be able to work helping others think through their own muddles and trauma if I couldn’t do that same work on myself.

We have to acknowledge that not everything is rosy all the time, we experience joy because we understand the opposite.  Summers are so much better after a harsh winter and the birth of a child reminds us of those we have lost.  We have to accept death, because to accept death confirms the experience of having had love in our lives.

To live in a world were everything is great all the time is just not honest. Our moods do change and life has a way of knocking us off our feet sometimes. If we keep pretending there is no problem, we will never face it, we are not living our true reality.

So my melancholy mood is okay, I’m thoughtful for the moment and want to be on my own for a while, but it will pass as everything does. Even writing this has cheered me up, writing for me is therapeutic. I hope this might help others in recognising that all things pass but if not it has helped me.

I’ll be back out there laughing and having fun in no time and I will enjoy it all the more.

Visits to my Blog

lizaaitken

I wake up in the morning 

and I see your names again.

You’ve liked me while I’m sleeping, 

I’m so very glad you came.

It’s so lovely having followers, 

from all over the place.

Those ones that keep returning, 

it’s so good to see your face.

It’s funny how the times of day, 

brings different folk to me.

I wonder what you’ve created,

I will certainly look and see.

Now I think about the world, 

the very different points of view.

The amazing similarities, 

of what we feel is true.

The artists, writers, poets, 

philosophers and such.

Really quite connected, 

well I’m thinking pretty much.

Today there’ll be those closer, 

who live in the same time zone.

You very special people, 

those closer to my home.

But I want to thank the lot of you, 

who come to visit me.

I’m on my writing journey, 

And so glad that you come to see.

Stepping off the Train

lizaaitken

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Earlier today I wrote about the observer inside, in todays Nature Lessons post.  I’m still in search of this observer, well holding onto them for longer than a few minutes anyway.  I think I probably am the observer, well my true authentic self anyway, because when I’m connected it feels like home.

It feels peaceful and all knowing, my breath slows right down and I am somewhere not connected to my physical body and yet deep down inside of it.

Could it be the portal to the universe is in fact inside of us and not on some far off horizon.  I think we probably do have all the answers but somehow have become split off from them in our attempt to ride this train we are on, the train taking us through life.  The great train that twists and turns, stopping at major junctions along the way.  Sometime we need to change, sit in another carriage and sometimes we sit and wait patiently for the engines to start rolling again, whatever we decide, the journey never seems to end and our search continues.

Only when we put away the ego, will we find the observer, the one who hides and waits patiently behind the false self we have created.

Times I spend in meditation and silence are special, I pause and open up to myself.  I am connected, for however short the period of time is, during those moments, I feel I am at one with the universe.

 

Realisation

lizaaitken

If I had realised half the things I have started in life would turn out the way they did or cost as much, I may not have started any of them.  Then again, I suppose that would make me a different person.

It’s not only the big things, it’s little ones too.  I started posting ‘Nature Lessons’ linking my thoughts with photographs as quotes for fun, I thought it was a nice idea and thought I’d give it a week or so and make a little collection.  I’m on day 43 now and realise I might have to continue for the rest of the year, maybe longer.  If I make it a year then it’s another 322 pictures and quotes I need to come up with, that’s a lot of thinking let alone walks in nature in the freezing cold!

So I have come to the realisation that I need a good camera, although my iPhone 6+ does take some nice snaps, I want to get some better ones, like night shots and distance.  I know nothing about cameras so I’m hoping this post might help generate some advice.  Oh and I don’t have a fortune to spend 😉

Last night I went down to the seafront, it was 150 years since the opening of the West Pier.  Anyone who follows my blog will know I love this place and never tire of photographing it.  It is beautiful and I think very powerful and last night as a celebration of 150 years the town was lighting it up.  I hoped to get some great snaps but unfortunately my iPhone  camera is not any good after dark (see below ;-)).

If I start something and set my mind to it I finish it, not all my ideas come into fruition, I have so many of them, but those I start become part of me.  Well that’s apart from lifestyles like the diets, but that’s because they don’t work, oh yes and the yoga 😉

Funny how things turn into habits and we find it hard to let them go.  Like coffee, wine and smoking, although I sort of finally nailed that one.  Then there are the relationships we probably knew were not good for us in the start, what’s that all about?  But then again if I hadn’t met my sons father I wouldn’t have such a wonderful son, so I needed to do that one too.

I’m now hooked on writing and I really enjoy adding photos to my work.  In fact some of the photos I take on my nature walks are inspiration for my words.

I have always liked to write but I’m totally absorbed by writing at the moment, on a good day I might even dare call myself a writer.  I like the fact that I can share messages about life, love and kindness on my blog and I’m overjoyed that some of you seem to like them.  I try to inspire through words and the photos help this process, so you see, I need your help with that camera.

 

 

Our Tree

lizaaitken

This tree is beautiful, it might be my favourite tree in the world because it brings back so many memories.  The photos not great, taken through a steamy window on a dull day, so it does not show its true beauty.

This photo was taken from my mums kitchen window in Autumn. At the time Mum was staying with sisters who was caring for her, I wanted her to see how lovely the tree was.  The colours are amazing, we all adored this tree, it grew up with us. These deep russets and reds colours only lasted a few weeks and then the leaves would fall off for winter.  Spring would bring the most beautiful blossom and summer full beauty.  Whatever time of year this tree gave us it’s all.

A while after mums death I drove around the estate and stood under this tree looking up at my childhood home.  Another family were moving about in the flat, another family had our tree.

The tree was planted when I was a child and brings back lots of memories. Sweaters thrown under it while the kids on the estate played British Bulldog, my mum leaving bread and cheese for the birds and foxes under it, and the welcome shade it gave us in the summer.

I know when it comes to trees this one won’t win any awards but it is special to me.  I think I might need to drive up and visit this tree soon. Place my hand on its trunk and thank it for the memories ❤️

Drowning in Dreams

lizaaitken

Dreaming is on my mind at the moment, I’m drowning in dreams. Not drowning in the physical sense but immersed in the detail. My dreams are magnificent and confusing at the same time, they lift me up high and leave me feeling desolate and out of touch.

I’m a big ball of emotion so it makes sense my dreams would reflect this. There is lots of water in my dreams, still and powerful, rough and deep, waves crash against land as if trying to destroy  it. I am the land and the water is my emotions I would imagine.

I dream in colour, beautiful colour that dive into and become.  Colours also represent my moods and I bring the colours back to my waking state. Morning moods are representations of my dreams. It can take me a while to adjust to the day.

I dream of big houses, mansions and temples with many rooms. Ceilings that never end and lead to somewhere out of reach. I think I am exploring my mind, chamber by chamber.  The water I spoke of is always around the walls or I cross it to get inside.

The people I love visit my dreams, those no longer here and those I’ve lost touch with. We don’t necessarily talk but we understand each other, we speak with our minds or telepathically. I don’t feel my mouth moving but I look out of my eyes I think, I don’t see myself but I feel myself.

I learn things in dreams that I find to be true when I’m awake.  Some things don’t make sense to me immediately but might later.  I’m fascinated by my dreams at the moment, the in between is my waking hours. I so look forward to going to bed at the moment, I’m finding it’s a festival of discovery.

Early Morning Visit

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Laying in bed in the early hours, I felt a pressure on the end of the bed, something touched my foot. I didn’t look, l wanted to, but know through past experience nothing is there. The longer I keep my eyes closed and just lay there, the longer it lasts.  

Last year when this happened the pressure moved around for a while, it felt similar to a cat padding through the covers. This was shortly after I lost my cat and I wondered at the time if it was my Eris coming to tell me she was okay.

I don’t know what this pressure thing is but do know it has only happened in the last couple of years. I had two huge bereavements in 2014 that rocked my world.  This activity has only happened since that time.

It doesn’t happen when I’m wide awake but also I know I’m not asleep, I’m in that in between state on just waking.  I think it is a message from someone. Last night it felt like someone sat on the end of the bed, gently brushing against my feet as they did.

I know this would terrify some people but I find it comforting.  I don’t say anything at the time as I explained as I don’t want it to end, so I thought I’d share it as a confirmation of the experience.

Does anyone else have similar things happen to them. Is it our traumatised minds or something else, something we don’t really understand.

Creativity ?

lizaaitken

Creativity is wonderful and something in which we can immerse ourselves.  When we create something, we also create something else inside, joy, fulfilment and a bright light that cannot be put out.

Writing, painting, dancing, music can all bring a deep and wonderful feeling of joy and contentment.  When we sit back alone at the end of the day and look fondly at something we have created and find happiness in that, despite no one else seeing or experiencing it, that is real creativity.  Like a mother looking at her child and knowing she has created something truly special.

We create first and foremost for ourselves and the feeling it gives us to immerse ourselves and dance with our creative minds.  We might share what we produce with friends and family, who are happy that we have found a creative outlet, enjoy and admire what they see.  That they find enjoyment in our work will of course make us happy but that is not the reason we create.

When we share our work further afield for example through our blogs, we are at risk of getting caught up in producing something for others, will they like what we have done, how can we adapt it so everyone will like it.  Is the end product still the same when we share it universally as it would be if we kept it to ourselves.

Is it then really our work or the work we do for others, is this how we loose our creative spark?  Will we find as much joy as in the reward of our own creations when we think first how others will interpret, see experience.  Is this really creativity as its natural state?

I have been pondering on this, so I thought I would get it out and see what you think.  I’m interested in the thoughts of my friends this community.  Of course if you don’t respond I will know that my piece on creativity is rubbish 😉

Writers Write

lizaaitken

So your mind is full of  random words,

weird sentences in parts.

You want to get it down somehow,

but don’t know where to start.

So you want to be a writer,

maybe write that book one day.

 Writers, write you know not talk,

that is all that I can say.

 

So you have read all the classics,

although your not too sure.

Plan to read more before you write,

as ideas you want to store.

You want to write a blockbuster,

that would work as a screenplay.

Writers, write you know not talk,

that is all that I can say.

 

Ideas pop into your mind,

but you never jot them down.

and then they pop right out again,

they are nowhere to be found.

Your looking for inspiration,

until then plan is vague.

Writers, write you know not talk,

that is all that I can say.

 

Your going to buy some post it notes,

to capture all your dreams.

Leave some paper by your bed,

you won’t be needing reams.

Your going to write tomorrow,

or maybe the next day.

Writers, write you know not talk,

that is all that I can say.

 

You worry about what others will think,

your not good at criticism.

You’ll keep your writing to yourself,

until you find your rhythm.

Then you’ll emerge a great writer,

it’s what the critics will say.

Writers, write you know not talk,

that is all that I can say.