Owning the Story

I don’t believe in living in the past but believe it incredibly important to make some sense of it in order to understand ourselves today. If we don’t know where we come from, how will we ever know where we are going.

The past is important in that it has shaped us into the people we are today. Our lives are dictated in a way by our experiences, good and bad, and if we don’t understand them then it is difficult to fully understand ourselves.

Many of us recreate events unconsciously because we don’t understand them. I married my father, or somebody very similar because my father walked out on us when I was a very young child. I know it’s quite common that we might marry someone very similar to our own parents, familiarity maybe but it’s good to understand why. When we understand where we come from it’s less likely that we will keep repeating the same mistakes.

I spent a period of time not believing in myself as my experience told me I wasn’t worth believing in, I had a terrible time with rejection of any sort. I still don’t like it much but I know now, I’m okay. I won’t continually be judged because of who I was, but who I am today. I spent a long time gathering possessions that might up my status somehow, I didn’t come from a wealthy home and believed I needed possession to speak for me. Only on thinking about where I come from and getting to know myself better am I able to let some of these things go.

Life story work is a process that’s often undertaken with children in care so they are able to recognise their past, understand the present and plan for the future. It’s also a routine part of preparing children for adoption. Life story work is often used with those suffering dementia to develop a biography and help those caring for them communicate their backgrounds, like interests, identity and who and what is important to them. It’s hugely beneficial in helping someone understand their past experiences and life events.

Our life stories are so important, we need to understand and own our stories. Some of us do better than others, writers for might as they find inspiration from their own experiences. I’m sure there are plenty of other examples such as therapists who have had to undergo therapy as part of their training. But I find it amazing how many people don’t understand their own stories.

I’ve worked with life stories during my career with children, I’ve also worked on my own life story and helped others with this too. I think life story work is beneficial to anyone wanting a better understanding of themselves, it’s healing and can remove the blocks that hold us back. It’s more than just a therapeutic tool, it’s helpful to anyone working on themselves, and lets be honest aren’t we all?

~

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017

You of the Shadows

 

I saw you in those shadows, 

but you never walked on in.

You were always watching, 

considered mostly everything.

Today you came to centre, 

that mirror opened wide.

I walked in to join you there, 

in the place that you reside.

I see you now much clearer, 

in the etchings on my face.

Turning from the mirror now,

but I know you leave a trace.

Suppose it’s time to join up, 

we’re heading the same way.

It’s time for me to face you, 

as all those things I never say.

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017


Self Reflection

Who do you see when you look into the mirror, do you recognise yourself as the person you have always been or is there a new and deeper image coming through now.  How closely are you looking at yourself, can you look beyond the outer surface and see and feel your own heart?  Does love you give out shine back at you through your reflection?  If not, wipe the mirror and look again.

~ Liza

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lizalizaskysaregrey©2016

Reflections

 

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The sky fell in the pond today,

it quite took me by surprise

Fish on clouds without the rain,

looked like they could fly

An aeroplane flew underneath,

must have been a special trip

I stood there for a minute or two,

I was considering a dip

 A strange and new reality,

my world turned upside down

Just goes to show what’s possible,

when you really look around.

*

lizalizaskysaregrey©2016

 

 

Letter to my Teenage Self

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My Dear Younger Self,

Stop trying to be so tough, stop trying to fit in and know that you will one day find your place in the world.

Don’t fear rejection in all your relationships, because those that truly love and value you will never leave you. The rejection you feel now is false, he did not leave you, he was a young man himself, he was walking his own path, your paths will cross further down the line. As adults you will gain an understanding and in some way support one another. He is one of your teachers, he is one of your great lessons in life.   Don’t fear rejection in everything you do because of this, believe in yourself as when you believe, others will too.

Don’t doubt your own ability and don’t compare yourself to others because you are one of a kind, you are original as each of us are, find your authentic self and let it shine.  Just be yourself as that is who you are meant to be, do not imitate others as by doing so you will not find yourself.  If you pretend to be something you are not you will only be deceiving yourself and you will gain nothing from deception.

Each experience will help you, because that is what truly gives us an understanding of who we are, how we respond to life and what we learn from its lessons.  Later in life you will work with children damaged by their experiences, your own experiences in life and understanding will help you in this role.  Through your study in this area and helping  young people recover from trauma, you will also be helping yourself.

Some of your challenges will be difficult, you will question your ability to get through them.  Sometimes you will want to give up, throw in the towel, but there’s a fight inside of you that will not let you.  When you see the light of day after the storm, you will realise, it was meant to be.  Sometimes it will feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath you, it will be the breaking down of all you know and you will feel fear.  But that will just be the end of one cycle as each ending will herald a new beginning.  Life is full of transitions, ups and downs, highs and lows.  It is only through these that we recognise happiness and joy.

You have no one to let down but yourself, in truth others want you to succeed, because when you do it gives them hope. Send out love to those that might be envious of your success, as love is the strongest energy and will always overcome spite and envy.  When you set out to accomplish something, do so for yourself, not for what others may or may not think but because it is right for you.  Don’t doubt yourself, that is the only thing in your way.

Choose your companions wisely, do not be fooled by false friends or promises, find the true nature of those who cross your path, trust your intuition. You will make mistakes but I’m not going to wish them away, because through those mistakes you will grow stronger and move forward.  You have a strength that runs through you that needs to be brought to the surface, adversity and difficulties will pull this strength up to the surface where it belongs.

Watch and love your mother, after all is said and done she will be your greatest teacher in life. Your mother is love, she will show you how to love unconditionally.  She will teach you to look out for those weaker than yourself, watch her kindness and emulate it for she will lead you to find your natural caring nature.  Through the parenting you receive from your mother you will understand how to become a parent yourself, take the very best of your experiences and nurture and love your own child in the same way.

Make the most of your mother while you can, because one day she will leave you and that will be truly painful for you.  Make sure you hold nothing back, let her know how you feel and what she means to you, make her proud and give her permission to go when the time is right, because afterwards you will feel better that you did.  Tell people how you feel, don’t ever be afraid to show love.  Be open in friendship and love, in this way you will draw the best of people to you.

Watch out for your ego, don’t let it mask who you really are. The ego grows through doubt and fear, the ego is a tough cookie to crumble.  You will find your ego will follow you throughout your life.  On occasion it may help you in a way, like when you have to walk into a room full of people to argue a point, sometimes you will put on your high heals and lipstick to do this, that is when you are close to your ego.  There will come a time when you grow wiser and you can speak up for yourself and others without having to create a different persona.  You won’t worry about qualifications or academia because you will intuitively know you are right, you will have found the confidence you so lack now.  You will have a practical approach, say it how it is not dress it up behind long words or theoretical ideas.  People will believe you because of your honesty, you will be known for your transparency and sometimes vulnerability.

That voice you hear inside, that’s your intuition, it won’t let you down. If it feels right, it is right even if it does not feel so at the time.  Take note of your intuition, you have an ability to read situations, you know what people are thinking before a word is uttered, you can spot a lie a mile off.  Your natural intuition will draw good people to you because you recognise them, whatever hat they are wearing at the time.  You will find the good in people others cannot see, but also to only look for the good in people, will let you down on occasion, not all come from a good place.  Do not trust everyone you meet, not all souls are walking the same path.

Find time to understand yourself through self enquiry, connect on a deeper level, find the observer inside, the one that watches, for the observer will always be with you.  The observer does not judge, but watches and only in finding this connection can you begin to understand yourself.  Sit in silence and experience the stillness inside of you, meditate on the bigger questions in life. Find the answers you are looking for inside, for you have all the answers as you are connected to all things, you are at one with the universe.

Live in the moment, enjoy each moment without worrying about tomorrow.  Worry or not, what will happen, will happen and you will waste today worrying about tomorrow or longing for yesterday.  Appreciate the small things in life, because life is made up of small things.  But do not put your head in the sand, some things need to be dealt with and will not just disappear into thin air through will alone, some things need working on.

It is like you are asleep now, the world passes you by in your hurry to get somewhere, but you do not see it, you have no time for the wonders of the world around you. You will find that time, one day you will wake up and the world will come alive for you, you will cherish that day and from then everyday will be a new day.

Finally you will find love is the answer, not false love, not love dependant on another but love in its natural state. Love is a prayer, it’s the care you have for others, it’s the way you show this to the world and how you care for yourself. Love does not die and when death comes to pass, know that love crosses all boundaries.

Take care and do your best

Your loving, older and wiser self.

Trauma Outcomes 

The rumble of thunder surrounds me, 

it’s surfing over the swell.

That disaster will hit is inevitable, 

timing I just never can tell.

My hearts racing ten to the dozen, 

it’s out of sync with the clock.

What started this crescendo of madness, 

is hidden now and forgot.

Nerves are standing to attention, 

anxieties entered the room.

I need some space for reflection, 

before the big band goes boom.

But now the suns up and rising, 

butterflies cover the sky.

Happiness is pushing its way in, 

for reasons I don’t quite know why.

I shouldn’t drink it won’t suit me, 

I’m drunk on tea can’t you tell.

The waters calm and serene now, 

no sign of the earlier swell.

I sing like I’m Nancy Sinatra, 

the stage a place I am free.

I need to pull in theses emotions, 

so the person you see’s the real me.

Turn off the black and white television, 

sit down in an armchair of beige.

Practice taking on what is bad news, 

without getting into a rage.

I need to pull in my behaviour, 

work on my reactions for sure.

Understand that actions have consequences, 

before I make any more.

But that’s the thing with experience, 

it visits without being called.

I’m a product of what went before me, 

turning me into this ball.



Melancholy Afternoons

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I’m having a melancholy day, it’s raining and cloudy with no sign of the sun and I’ve just put the heating on.  I’m caught up in melodies from the past from todays Daily Prompt.

Music always takes me to my mum, I’ve been talking to her a lot today, thinking about her and playing her songs in my head.  Would you believe I just sung to her ashes, I laughed when I did it because I know she would laugh too.  I’m not sure why I have her ashes but I do, it’s comfortable as it is the only physical thing I have left of her.  Not that I believe she is in any way connected to her ashes, because she’s not.  I have two pots of ashes on my shelf, it’s a back shelf and high up, I don’t have a shrine and it’s not morbid.  Anyway mum’s urn wears a large string of pearls, wrapped around a couple of times, mum never went out without a statement necklace.  Mum was incredibly fashionable, as a child I used to think fashion designers followed her around with sketch pads, as what she wore one year was in fashion the next.  I wear a necklace, handbag or belt of mums most days, as well as fashionable she was a bit of a shopaholic in her time.  Bill, my step-father who followed mum a month later wears a ribbon of tartan to match the tartan trousers he wore every day.  As you can probably guess, my parents were not ordinary in any way.  I think I probably channel their eccentricity as I’m weirder every day

That’s the thing with writing, it takes you places, today because of the melody prompt it took me back to so many memories, music being such a big part of my family and then from there to the feelings memories bring with them, warm, funny, sad and deep.

When I say I’m melancholy I’m not depressed, desolate or gloomy, I’m just with my thoughts and comfortable there.  I don’t want to party and my plan for the evening is comfort with a lovely bath, candles and yes, music.  I think it’s good to get in touch with your feelings sometimes, it slows us down and reminds us what’s real in this fast paced world we live in.