photography – lizalizaskysaregrey

Sleeplessness

April 4, 2018April 5, 2018 lizaaitken

Night falls and darkness comes,

cars slow on the road below.

Shadows making pictures now,

for the walls to put on a show.

My monkey brain is shouting,

so much louder than the day.

As much as I want to go to sleep,

this buzz will not fade away.

Just an hour ago I was tired out,

I could hardly keep my eyes open.

The thing I asked as I retired,

was one night with sleep unbroken.

Now my legs just want to dance,

like those shadows on the walls.

Ideas I had and somehow lost,

it’s just now I find I’ll recall.

I turn my head and turn it back,

as I need those pillows cold.

Throw the bedclothes on the floor,

it’s not that I’m being bold.

Oh sleeplessness I hate you so much,

I’ll never welcome you in.

Perhaps I’ll make a milky drink,

no maybe I’ll go for the gin!

I’m guessing you know when I wrote this!

Sorry, it was the silence…

March 27, 2018March 27, 2018 lizaaitken

I’m sorry I’ve not been around and sorry I’ve not kept up with your posts. I thought I best try and explain myself and if you know me you’ll know in writing I’m trying to understand myself too.

I love writing, I’m not brilliant, but it’s my therapy and some people seem to like it. I pour my heart out, I’m an open book and show my vulnerabilities. I’m okay with that, I’m the same in person, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I think with all that went on last year, my moves, my coming to terms with what was happening in my life, I needed time out. I started to notice silence, the silence you find when you let your thoughts drift. Writing for me has always been about formulating my thoughts and understanding myself, but I think I reached a place in which I needed silence more than I needed thought or understanding. Silence gave me a greater awareness of myself, silence is awareness, a natural teacher and worth listening to.

So I got myself a secondhand bike, christened it Tonto and cycled and cycled. I got up every morning before sunrise and cycled out to capture the sun rising from the horizon. I rode in the opposite direction at the end of the day to catch it setting again, I became obsessed with the sun, the sea and of course nature.

I wanted to write but I couldn’t, I couldn’t think of what to say. It’s hard to explain as I’ve never really thought about what to write, I just do it, but I reached a place in which I felt anything I had to say would be for the point of it and without meaning. That probably doesn’t make much sense, it didn’t to me but that’s how it was.

I did do other stuff, I took a course, so did lots of reading. I did write for my course assignments but again felt my heart wasn’t totally in it. I passed anyway so I’m now a qualified clinical hypnotherapist, not to be a hypnotherapist as such I’ve decided, but to incorporate it into my work.

I got to know my dad too, I’d known him for years but this past few months I really got to know him and I’d say he got to know me too. I value that time, we never know how much time we have do we and although my dad is 80 years young, he’s still 80 and says he doesn’t want to live to the great age his grandfather did. He talks about exiting stage left if he ever becomes dependant on anybody, so I’m really pleased we had this time together, I value it immensely.

Here I am today apologising for not being around or keeping up with your work. I hope to, but know there’s so much I’ve missed that I couldn’t possibly keep up with. I felt guilty not being here, as I’ve come to class some of you as friends, it felt like letting my friends down. But I hope you might understand, I just needed that time out.

I’m not going to promise to write daily or even weekly, I just want to ease myself back in now that the time feels right. I’ve two blogs as some of you know and will be focusing on getting to know them both again.

I hope to see you soon and catch up with what you have been doing xx

Procrastination

March 27, 2018 lizaaitken

*Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle – Lincoln*

Procrastination is my middle name,

see I always put things off.

The reason is my perfectionism,

as I worry others may scoff.

My ideas can be quite brilliant,

although I do say so myself.

A multitude of them in my life,

so I’ll need a bigger shelf.

This is where I store my dreams,

just until they take shape.

But then I have so many sparks,

so a choice I have to make.

Which of them is the brightest,

mistakes can’t get in my way.

If you know me and you read this,

I hear what you’re going to say!

I wrote this poem while procrastinating again this morning. I laughed out loud while writing it, as it’s so utterly me. I often lose myself in writing while procrastinating, that’s funny too as I know some who procrastinate instead of writing!

Elements….

February 4, 2018 lizaaitken

If I have walked this earth before,

oh where are the tracks I made.

If I have walked this earth before,

are all my past debts now paid.

If I have breathed in this same air,

in who’s lungs was it I breathed.

If I have breathed in this same air,

can the memories be retrieved.

And all the water that ever was,

quenches my thirst once more.

And all the water that ever was,

runs throughout me to the core.

Fires that have burned in time,

rage throughout my body now.

Fires that have burned in time,

again light my way somehow.

Of these elements I am joined,

they play in the dance I perform.

Of these elements I am joined,

until death from the day I was born.

Spirit v Human

January 12, 2018 lizaaitken

‘If only I could win the lottery or come into some money, I could do all the things I wanted, I could be kind and spiritual, I could think more of others and make a difference, I could truly live my purpose‘.

Does this statement or something similar sound familiar?

It’s very easy to be spiritual when our human side is taken care of, when we don’t have to work and that human we reside in has everything it needs for us to just concentrate on being a spiritual being. But the truth is, that human does exist, it needs, it wants and it’s more often than not in control.

We are spiritual beings living in humans, we have humans and they have us and although our spirit being wants to spring out, most of us have to take care of the human and it’s personality first.

There are and have been some truly wonderful people on earth, people who’s humans have allowed the spirit through, even those that allow the spirit to lead, but it’s not common. It might be what we strive for, in fact I think that’s the whole idea of us being put together but it’s something that takes many lifetimes to achieve.

If only this, or if only that goes on throughout our lives, the relationship between spirit and human. And that’s it, if we consider it more of a relationship, we might help both parties have their say, conflict resolution, relationship guidance, call it what you will.

My spirit knows, I’m not sure how, call it a knowing that we are destroying the world, we are using up all the resources, polluting the air and seas. But the spirit lives inside the human that turns the light on, fills the car and needs a holiday in the sun. There is an ongoing conversation, should we, shouldn’t we’ within all of us and it’s because we are talking to ourselves, ourselves being the human personality and spirit within.

Many people go through life, totally human, the spirit is there but it’s asleep, it’s given in. It’s not an easy task after all and I suppose, if it is why we are born, it’s not supposed to be. But, if our spirit is strong enough, clear enough, it can get itself heard, the relationship can become more equal.

When we practice listening, we learn, if we sit in meditation or just silent contemplation for a little time each day, we are building the relationship between the two. We are allowing the spirit time to communicate and assisting the human in understanding. Isn’t that what we would recommend in any relationship, time together to create understanding and grow.

When we give ourselves, spirit and human, chance, both can be heard. It’s like any relationship, it needs time and space to grow. When we spend time each day, listening and communing with both parties, we are building the relationship, we are starting to work together, we are in rapport with who we are.

So perhaps it not about that lottery win after all, it’s not about giving the human everything it needs to release the spiritual side of us, perhaps it’s just about the relationship we nurture between the two that creates something beautiful.

New Stuff

October 25, 2017 lizaaitken

I’ve not been too active, I really must catch up with my blog and reading yours, life has just been so busy of late.

I’m making changes again, studying and looking after my dad, all in all, pretty full on. I have been playing around with my photos though, thought you might like to see.

It’s for my instagram account – restingintheheart if you’re interested 😊