Sorry, it was the silence…

 

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I’m sorry I’ve not been around and sorry I’ve not kept up with your posts. I thought I best try and explain myself and if you know me you’ll know in writing I’m trying to understand myself too.

I love writing, I’m not brilliant, but it’s my therapy and some people seem to like it. I pour my heart out, I’m an open book and show my vulnerabilities. I’m okay with that, I’m the same in person, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I think with all that went on last year, my moves, my coming to terms with what was happening in my life, I needed time out. I started to notice silence, the silence you find when you let your thoughts drift. Writing for me has always been about formulating my thoughts and understanding myself, but I think I reached a place in which I needed silence more than I needed thought or understanding. Silence gave me a greater awareness of myself, silence is awareness, a natural teacher and worth listening to.

So I got myself a secondhand bike, christened it Tonto and cycled and cycled. I got up every morning before sunrise and cycled out to capture the sun rising from the horizon. I rode in the opposite direction at the end of the day to catch it setting again, I became obsessed with the sun, the sea and of course nature.

I wanted to write but I couldn’t, I couldn’t think of what to say. It’s hard to explain as I’ve never really thought about what to write, I just do it, but I reached a place in which I felt anything I had to say would be for the point of it and without meaning. That probably doesn’t make much sense, it didn’t to me but that’s how it was.

I did do other stuff, I took a course, so did lots of reading. I did write for my course assignments but again felt my heart wasn’t totally in it. I passed anyway so I’m now a qualified clinical hypnotherapist, not to be a hypnotherapist as such I’ve decided, but to incorporate it into my work.

I got to know my dad too, I’d known him for years but this past few months I really got to know him and I’d say he got to know me too. I value that time, we never know how much time we have do we and although my dad is 80 years young, he’s still 80 and says he doesn’t want to live to the great age his grandfather did. He talks about exiting stage left if he ever becomes dependant on anybody, so I’m really pleased we had this time together, I value it immensely.

Here I am today apologising for not being around or keeping up with your work. I hope to, but know there’s so much I’ve missed that I couldn’t possibly keep up with. I felt guilty not being here, as I’ve come to class some of you as friends, it felt like letting my friends down. But I hope you might understand, I just needed that time out.

I’m not going to promise to write daily or even weekly, I just want to ease myself back in now that the time feels right. I’ve two blogs as some of you know and will be focusing on getting to know them both again.

I hope to see you soon and catch up with what you have been doing xx

lizalizaskysaregrey©2018

 

Spirit v Human

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If only I could win the lottery or come into some money, I could do all the things I wanted, I could be kind and spiritual, I could think more of others and make a difference, I could truly live my purpose‘.

Does this statement or something similar sound familiar?

It’s very easy to be spiritual when our human side is taken care of, when we don’t have to work and that human we reside in has everything it needs for us to just concentrate on being a spiritual being. But the truth is, that human does exist, it needs, it wants and it’s more often than not in control.

We are spiritual beings living in humans, we have humans and they have us and although our spirit being wants to spring out, most of us have to take care of the human and it’s personality first.

There are and have been some truly wonderful people on earth, people who’s humans have allowed the spirit through, even those that allow the spirit to lead, but it’s not common. It might be what we strive for, in fact I think that’s the whole idea of us being put together but it’s something that takes many lifetimes to achieve.

If only this, or if only that goes on throughout our lives, the relationship between spirit and human. And that’s it, if we consider it more of a relationship, we might help both parties have their say, conflict resolution, relationship guidance, call it what you will.

My spirit knows, I’m not sure how, call it a knowing that we are destroying the world, we are using up all the resources, polluting the air and seas. But the spirit lives inside the human that turns the light on, fills the car and needs a holiday in the sun. There is an ongoing conversation, should we, shouldn’t we’ within all of us and it’s because we are talking to ourselves, ourselves being the human personality and spirit within.

Many people go through life, totally human, the spirit is there but it’s asleep, it’s given in. It’s not an easy task after all and I suppose, if it is why we are born, it’s not supposed to be. But, if our spirit is strong enough, clear enough, it can get itself heard, the relationship can become more equal.

When we practice listening, we learn, if we sit in meditation or just silent contemplation for a little time each day, we are building the relationship between the two. We are allowing the spirit time to communicate and assisting the human in understanding. Isn’t that what we would recommend in any relationship, time together to create understanding and grow.

When we give ourselves, spirit and human, chance, both can be heard. It’s like any relationship, it needs time and space to grow. When we spend time each day, listening and communing with both parties, we are building the relationship, we are starting to work together, we are in rapport with who we are.

So perhaps it not about that lottery win after all, it’s not about giving the human everything it needs to release the spiritual side of us, perhaps it’s just about the relationship we nurture between the two that creates something beautiful.

lizalizaskysaregrey©2018

A Gaze

It is quite difficult to look someone in the eyes in silence and hold their gaze, to gaze at one another in truth without fear of being found out.  When we do manage to do this, we begin to recognise ourselves, see ourself in another, know that we are really just the same, originating from the same place. The being in each of us sees the struggle, yet recognises itself in the other, understands the search. When we find ourselves in a trusting relationship with another, we are finding ourselves in everything that is. 

~ Liza

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lizalizaskysaregrey©2017

Relish – DP

 

Find time in the day to be at one with yourself, find space and silence to sit and do nothing.  To do nothing but clear your mind.  Relish in the stillness you find there, breathe it in and become part of it.  Be at one with nature, as the flower is in a garden swaying in the breeze of life.  

~ Liza

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lizalizaskysaregrey©2016

In response to the Daily Prompt – Relish

Stepping off the Train

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Earlier today I wrote about the observer inside, in todays Nature Lessons post.  I’m still in search of this observer, well holding onto them for longer than a few minutes anyway.  I think I probably am the observer, well my true authentic self anyway, because when I’m connected it feels like home.

It feels peaceful and all knowing, my breath slows right down and I am somewhere not connected to my physical body and yet deep down inside of it.

Could it be the portal to the universe is in fact inside of us and not on some far off horizon.  I think we probably do have all the answers but somehow have become split off from them in our attempt to ride this train we are on, the train taking us through life.  The great train that twists and turns, stopping at major junctions along the way.  Sometime we need to change, sit in another carriage and sometimes we sit and wait patiently for the engines to start rolling again, whatever we decide, the journey never seems to end and our search continues.

Only when we put away the ego, will we find the observer, the one who hides and waits patiently behind the false self we have created.

Times I spend in meditation and silence are special, I pause and open up to myself.  I am connected, for however short the period of time is, during those moments, I feel I am at one with the universe.

 

Finding a State of Being

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When we sit in silence and put away the ego, we see through all self images and understand our own ingrained thought patterns.  From here we can connect with our true being and realise our potential.

Silence is a gift that in as much as it is free and available to every single one of us, it is often beyond our grasp.  Life takes over and we don’t find those minutes we need to just sit with ourselves.

Absolute silence is probably impossible in our busy lives with constant noise around us.  Even deep in the forest there will be the sounds of leaves falling, twigs snapping, rivers trickling and the wind gently blowing.

We can still attempt to find the silence within by just switching off outside influences, shutting down and going within to find a naturally peaceful state of being.  Rest is this sensation and enjoy our own natural state of consciousness.

It took me a long time to discover the joy of silence.  The point of silence for me is to reach a place of self reflection and understanding, find  clarity and my own natural intuitive wisdom.

 

Silence – DP

Silence is where I find myself,

where the true authentic self lives.

A restful place of peace and love, 

it is there my true heart gives.

Gives way to the spirit I truly am,

connects the observing one.

In silence I go to make sense of myself,

mend scars I’ve left undone.

I go deeply into just being,

where fears and complexities lie.

Find harmony in a natural state,

transform like a butterfly.

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via Daily Prompt: Silence

Talking to Myself

‘I’m going to keep on talking to you until you listen, that’s right there is no ignoring me you are going to have to eventually answer back’.   I was talking to you as I wondered the flat, soaking up all the memories that took me back so many years.  I could smell you everywhere, in the linen on the bed, in the clothes laid out neatly over the chair and in the air I breathed in deeply.  ‘Are you listening to me?’ I called out to you as I looked at the photo of us by the bedside.  It was taken many years ago and faded from the sunlight that steamed in through the window, even today.  The smiles were still there, in that black and white photo and reminded again me of the fun we had that day.  We always had fun, whatever the situation at some point we always found the funny side of it.  When you do eventually decide to start talking to me I will ask you if you recall the day in Cambridge. If you remember the day when stupidly I pointed out the Waterstone’s bookshop and told you I thought they would have some very good books in there.  Not many people would have got the madness of that, my connecting visiting a university town with the stock of its bookshop, certainly not the people who gave us strange looks and stepped around us as we sat huddled on the pavement outside the store unable to move through our laughter and tears.

The silence was broken with a crash from the kitchen, what had you done this time.  I walked into the empty room to see a cup on the floor and broken in half.  The cat looking down from the dresser with an indignant look that told me the cup had been in the wrong place.  I picked up the pieces and called out that I was sorry for assuming it was you.  Where are you, the flat is not that big, what are you doing.  I wonder if you are watching me and I just can’t see you, are you smiling.  I finish the washing up, putting your cup where you like it by the polished kettle, I’m sure you wouldn’t have minded me using it.  I look around the room to make sure everything is in its place and the table is clear of crumbs before heading down the hall.   I put on my coat, hanging next to yours in the hallway and linger looking at my reflection in the mirror, I look beyond myself at the room behind me, everything is as it should be, except for you.  As I pick up the key from the tray by the door I try one more time.   ‘I hope you are in more of a talkative mood when I get back’ I call after me ‘please try’.

I leave the light on for you as I close the door and head off down the street.  The evening is drawing in and the children look like they are heading home.  I pull my coat closer and hope that the medium on the church platform will have more luck with you tonight.