Sorry, it was the silence…

 

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I’m sorry I’ve not been around and sorry I’ve not kept up with your posts. I thought I best try and explain myself and if you know me you’ll know in writing I’m trying to understand myself too.

I love writing, I’m not brilliant, but it’s my therapy and some people seem to like it. I pour my heart out, I’m an open book and show my vulnerabilities. I’m okay with that, I’m the same in person, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I think with all that went on last year, my moves, my coming to terms with what was happening in my life, I needed time out. I started to notice silence, the silence you find when you let your thoughts drift. Writing for me has always been about formulating my thoughts and understanding myself, but I think I reached a place in which I needed silence more than I needed thought or understanding. Silence gave me a greater awareness of myself, silence is awareness, a natural teacher and worth listening to.

So I got myself a secondhand bike, christened it Tonto and cycled and cycled. I got up every morning before sunrise and cycled out to capture the sun rising from the horizon. I rode in the opposite direction at the end of the day to catch it setting again, I became obsessed with the sun, the sea and of course nature.

I wanted to write but I couldn’t, I couldn’t think of what to say. It’s hard to explain as I’ve never really thought about what to write, I just do it, but I reached a place in which I felt anything I had to say would be for the point of it and without meaning. That probably doesn’t make much sense, it didn’t to me but that’s how it was.

I did do other stuff, I took a course, so did lots of reading. I did write for my course assignments but again felt my heart wasn’t totally in it. I passed anyway so I’m now a qualified clinical hypnotherapist, not to be a hypnotherapist as such I’ve decided, but to incorporate it into my work.

I got to know my dad too, I’d known him for years but this past few months I really got to know him and I’d say he got to know me too. I value that time, we never know how much time we have do we and although my dad is 80 years young, he’s still 80 and says he doesn’t want to live to the great age his grandfather did. He talks about exiting stage left if he ever becomes dependant on anybody, so I’m really pleased we had this time together, I value it immensely.

Here I am today apologising for not being around or keeping up with your work. I hope to, but know there’s so much I’ve missed that I couldn’t possibly keep up with. I felt guilty not being here, as I’ve come to class some of you as friends, it felt like letting my friends down. But I hope you might understand, I just needed that time out.

I’m not going to promise to write daily or even weekly, I just want to ease myself back in now that the time feels right. I’ve two blogs as some of you know and will be focusing on getting to know them both again.

I hope to see you soon and catch up with what you have been doing xx

lizalizaskysaregrey©2018

 

In Nothing..

It’s in doing nothing we find ourselves,

or someone we might know.

Whilst contemplating something else,

the universe somehow unfolds.

In trying to find the meaning of being,

it’s only more questions we find.

Although pointers drop into awareness,

when thoughts are left behind.

So close the books and take a walk,

through natures winding trails.

Inspiration will glisten in setting suns,

mingle in leaves that fall in gales.

Reflections you see on the rolling tide,

smile right through to your soul.

Connecting to all that surrounds you,

ending up feeling you’re whole.

~

lizalizaskysaregrey©2018

At the End of the Day

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I love to watch this family of swans. Mum has had seven babies this year but they are growing fast, as big as their parents.  I followed them home down the canal last night and I think got some lovely shots. I love the fact that they have days out, heading off down the canal and into town where I’m sure they know they’ll get fed and back home to their nest at the end of the day.

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~

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017

  The Roar of the Sea


I see you rolling onto the earth,  

a raw and a crash and a bang.

Catch the shimmer of your waves, 

while safe on the shore I stand.

The birds who can’t know better, 

dance and play with your mane.

Transfixed by your silent power, 

watching you roll once again.

There’s not one who’ll take you on, 

and you can do as you please.

You’re the lion of creation I think, 

our wild and powerful seas.

And with my eyes tightly closed,

I hear you calling my name.

You roar out from your being,

you call again and again.

I know there’s those who heard you,

walked right into your depths.

Left their lives and families here,

in taking those final steps.

So I’ll treat you with caution now,

as you call to me much to much.

I’ll love you from a safe distance,

your spray is all I will touch.

~

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017