Sorry, it was the silence…

 

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I’m sorry I’ve not been around and sorry I’ve not kept up with your posts. I thought I best try and explain myself and if you know me you’ll know in writing I’m trying to understand myself too.

I love writing, I’m not brilliant, but it’s my therapy and some people seem to like it. I pour my heart out, I’m an open book and show my vulnerabilities. I’m okay with that, I’m the same in person, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I think with all that went on last year, my moves, my coming to terms with what was happening in my life, I needed time out. I started to notice silence, the silence you find when you let your thoughts drift. Writing for me has always been about formulating my thoughts and understanding myself, but I think I reached a place in which I needed silence more than I needed thought or understanding. Silence gave me a greater awareness of myself, silence is awareness, a natural teacher and worth listening to.

So I got myself a secondhand bike, christened it Tonto and cycled and cycled. I got up every morning before sunrise and cycled out to capture the sun rising from the horizon. I rode in the opposite direction at the end of the day to catch it setting again, I became obsessed with the sun, the sea and of course nature.

I wanted to write but I couldn’t, I couldn’t think of what to say. It’s hard to explain as I’ve never really thought about what to write, I just do it, but I reached a place in which I felt anything I had to say would be for the point of it and without meaning. That probably doesn’t make much sense, it didn’t to me but that’s how it was.

I did do other stuff, I took a course, so did lots of reading. I did write for my course assignments but again felt my heart wasn’t totally in it. I passed anyway so I’m now a qualified clinical hypnotherapist, not to be a hypnotherapist as such I’ve decided, but to incorporate it into my work.

I got to know my dad too, I’d known him for years but this past few months I really got to know him and I’d say he got to know me too. I value that time, we never know how much time we have do we and although my dad is 80 years young, he’s still 80 and says he doesn’t want to live to the great age his grandfather did. He talks about exiting stage left if he ever becomes dependant on anybody, so I’m really pleased we had this time together, I value it immensely.

Here I am today apologising for not being around or keeping up with your work. I hope to, but know there’s so much I’ve missed that I couldn’t possibly keep up with. I felt guilty not being here, as I’ve come to class some of you as friends, it felt like letting my friends down. But I hope you might understand, I just needed that time out.

I’m not going to promise to write daily or even weekly, I just want to ease myself back in now that the time feels right. I’ve two blogs as some of you know and will be focusing on getting to know them both again.

I hope to see you soon and catch up with what you have been doing xx

lizalizaskysaregrey©2018

 

16 thoughts on “Sorry, it was the silence…”

  1. It’s good to have time out and it’s nice to see you were doing other things my friend. Your photos spoke volumes that you shared on your personal Facebook wall. No words were needed. I think blogging daily can be too much. It’s nice to write now and again, as no pressure I feel. Xx

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  2. I’ve missed your posts but I have to say, I understand. I love writing too but like you I’ve had some healing to do. I don’t write every day. I’m still trying to find myself. I think it’s great you’ve taken time to focus on you. I look forward to reading all about your journey as you embark in this new life.

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  3. I feel similar about writing.. sometimes I go through phases of not having much to say, and also wanting greater privacy. It sounds like your time has been worthwhile 😘Good on ya 💜💜 X

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  4. Sounds like a wonderful break. Taking time out to hear what is often hidden in the silence can be good for the soul. I have missed your posts and look forward to what you create in the future! And I love the photo!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Good post! And I can relate to the part about needing silence and also how happy and grateful I am I had time to get to know my dad better,especially since he passed away a few months ago.

    Liked by 1 person

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