Month: July 2016

Nanny’s Visits

lizaaitken

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My Nanny stands there

at the end of the bed

It’s really quite weird,

because I know she’s dead

But she stands there quite happy

no longer in pain

She tells me she loves me

it’s still just the same

My brother can’t see her

and I’m wondering why

He tells me I’m faking 

that I’m telling lies

Mummy’s not sure

but she’d like it to be true

She asked me a question

‘Why’s Nan visiting you?’

I couldn’t give her an answer

I wasn’t that sure

I know Mummy’s sad

by not seeing her anymore

She’s not at all frightening

she’s pretty and bright

I see her a lot in the day

and through the night

I like nanny coming

I wish she would stay

Her visits have helped me

since she went away

Passport Time

lizaaitken


I’m on the train to London to renew my passport.  It’s confirmation that I’m really ten years older and I’m not liking it!  Ten years ago when I last updated my passport I hated the photo, today that photo is just fine and I want to keep it forever!


The last few years going through passport control I have felt like that slightly weird photo of my forty two year old self! When I cross the channel next week I’m going to be well and truly fifty two with a passport to prove it 😒 and I won’t be posting pictures.

So I have new photos, several sets in fact and I’m not happy with any of them. This is ridiculous, I don’t like vanity in any form but I also don’t like the fact the passport office don’t accept photoshop snaps!  

Funny those photos we hate when we take them and love years later. If only I could be as fat now as I thought I was then. I don’t know who it was that said that but it’s so very true.

I’m happy with myself, cool in fact and there are bits of me I like quite a lot. If only we could choose the bits that represent us on our identity documents, I think I’d choose my legs as long as they stop before the feet.

This is only tongue in cheek, for fun and something to amuse me during my train journey but there is a very small element of truth. I don’t like photos of me, I don’t mind my 3D self but I’m still trying to accept the 2D one who has quite a bit of clout when I’m trying to get about!

Bon Voyage 😉

Fear

lizaaitken



It starts off in the pit of me, so deep you cannot see

It grows like bramble thick and dense,  that twists around a tree 

It strangles every aspect, it distorts the painted scene

It screams out of the chasm, it howls from every dream

An evil, twisted and monsterous face that interrupted life

Fear tears me up and spits me out, cuts me like a knife

I have to overcome the horror, the battle I  will fight

I will conquor all this madness, it has to be alright

Crisis is my Middle Name!

lizaaitken

 

 

 

 

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I’m good in a crisis, no I would probably go further than that and say I’m exceptional in a crisis.  I’ve made a career out of it in some ways working with young people traumatised by early experiences, many of whom are constantly going in and out of crisis.  I also work with organisations that are often in crisis and individuals within these organisations too.

I often wonder why I function so well in a crisis and if in fact I actually do.  I think when and if I do, it’s because I have a practical approach, I’m able to break things down and look at a clearer picture.  I’m able to approach one step at a time and I’m not necessarily caught up in the fear of what might happen.  This might be good or bad, depending on how you look at it, on occasion it’s been risky but I have remained calm and calm is certainly key!

I think it’s incredibly important to be able to recognise the stages of a crisis also, because after a crisis has reached it’s peak and begun to settle it doesn’t take a lot to set it off again.  Some people  / groups are in a constant cycle of crisis and this can be exhausting.

On a personal level I’m able to calm people down, friends, family or those that cross my path.  Listen to what they have to say and help them reframe their thinking maybe work things out for themselves just by being able to speak out loud.  Sometimes just acting as a container for their anxieties and feeding them back in a more manageable way.  Being able to listen and provide a space for reflection are important aspects in being able to support.

Now for my own personal crisis’s and I’ve had a few.  I have got to the point of realising that we get over them, they teach us lessons and shake us up a bit, sometimes for the better.  As Nietzsche said ‘ That which does not kill us, makes us stronger’.

 

Crisis – Daily Prompt

lizaaitken

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Oh, I have experienced crisis, another one came today

With jagged edge and scary face that will not go away

Take up all my waking thoughts, trouble me at night

The crisis will not leave my side, until I’ve put it right

It comes to shake me up a bit, when everything’s okay

Just when I was happy, plans heading the right way

But when I think about it really, with a microscope

It never turned out as I thought, I have always coped

 Crisis you don’t scare me, I’m not giving you my time

All will work out as it should and I will be just fine.

Elusive

lizaaitken

I used to try and evade you, by slipping out at the night

 Now you’ve woken up, you’re keeping me in sight

I know you always find me, rely on a bell that rings

You won’t believe my innocence, I’m not up to anything

 I surely can be trusted, it’s Tom that you should watch

He follows me, he sniffs me out, he really has the hots

 Not practiced at expressing, what my feelings are about

You know I cannot speak, so you’ll have to work it out

 I’m a cat and your a man, we really aren’t the same

It’s my nature to slink about and play elusive games

 

Vegan?

lizaaitken

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So for the last seven months I’ve been a vegan, I’m very proud that I managed it, a decision I made on the spur of the moment.  I don’t want to eat animal products anymore, I enjoy being a vegan.  Initially I made the decision to go the whole hog (excuse the pun) as I didn’t want to be pumped full of antibiotics that I didn’t need.  I wanted them to work if ever I needed them and know they are in abundance in the meat and dairy food industry.

But I have to tell you I have never been as sick or prone to illness as I have these last seven months.  I have always been healthy, I’m good cook and understand nutrition and what I need to keep my body functioning but for some reason I just keep getting sick.  Now I’m beginning to question if I am constantly poorly because of the change in my diet?  Does the vegan diet suit everyone?

I hadn’t eaten meat or drunk milk in years, so I only really gave up fish, eggs, dairy such as cheese and butter.  I cook from scratch and get a plethora of plants, pulses, nuts, seeds and tofu etc.  I make green smoothies, add plant protein and sprinkle nutritional on my food.  My diet is diverse, okay I have the odd chip and eat more bread but not to excess and I take organic supplements and more recently a tonic.

What’s going on, I feel so poorly I couldn’t even look at WP this weekend, I missed it but didn’t have the energy!  So I’ve had tooth issues, gum boils, colds, coughs and constant tiredness.  I have put on weight and my cholesterol has gone back up since I became vegan resulting on me having to go back on statins, go figure!  Cholesterol is hereditary in the family, but prior to my becoming a vegan it was right down!

I’m going to the doctor’s to get my bloods tested but I also need the help of the blogging community to explore this, give me some ideas in the comments please, before I boil an egg!