Nothing is ever really as bad as we think it might be, fear distorts reality and we often build things up into something much bigger than it actually is. The truth is, fear isn’t helpful, it won’t prevent something from happening and sometimes it even brings things to a fore sooner because we aren’t functioning well enough to cope with the inevitable.
The things that make us fearful are often things we can’t change, we see them coming and they terrify us, but they won’t stop because we know about them. Sometimes the best we can do is be still and accept what is happening until the reason becomes clear, because all changes are meant to be.
We will often cling onto what we know, what we feel comfortable with, even though it isn’t actually doing us any good. Fear prevents us from letting go and moving on because we are afraid of what we don’t know. When I think back on times I have been fearful in life, quite often it’s because I’ve been stuck in a rut, I haven’t been particularly happy but haven’t done anything about it.
Most of the things I have been fearful about in my life have been my greatest lessons, I have lines on my face I didn’t need because I spent too much time worrying about the inevitable. Everything that has happened to me has brought me to where I am now and I don’t regret a single thing.
We are all fearful in certain ways, because we all love and loving has a fearful aspect to it. I love my son more than anything in the world, I want to keep him safe and I can become fearful about his wellbeing, however if I let this become out of hand I risk causing him harm. I can’t tie him down and lock him up because he has to live and living brings experience. Good and bad things will happen to him throughout his life as they have me and he needs the bad every bit as much as he needs the good because it’s the balance that creates the person he will grow into.
I can’t talk about fear without talking about death, my own death or the death of someone I love. I’m not afraid of dying but I would rather it be in my sleep, I don’t want to die painfully but I don’t suppose I have a choice. Being fearful of loss is natural but death is inevitable, we are all dying, we all die.
To fear loss is to fear being lost, what will we do without someone, where will the love go, how will we fill that hole, what will we do with the loneliness. If I’m not afraid of my own death, I shouldn’t really be afraid of the death of someone I love, it’s what happens to me afterwards I need to work on, but that said, if I meant to survive I will and I believe we certainly learn from the experience of loss.
The death of my mother was the biggest catalyst in my life, the most painful experience, but from that I grew. As much as I wanted my mum to stay with me, she couldn’t, she needed to move on and I needed to find myself without her physical presence. And much as I feared it her death changed me in ways I never thought possible, her death was inevitable and so was my growth.