Our Survival

Those things we fear, those awful things,

the ones that knock us down,

They are hard to bare and very unclear,

but usually how we are found.

I’m talking of the lightning struck tower,

that knocks us right off our feet,

With those fitful nights and awful dreams,

it’s so hard to go off to sleep.

Then after we usually find we survive,

it’s never as bad as it seams.

The nightmare of my impending doom,

is only played out in my dreams.

You see we’re trained to be fearful,

to always expect the worst ending,

Never account for survival it seams,

unless it’s on life we’re depending.

~

Survive

Fearing the Inevitable

Nothing is ever really as bad as we think it might be, fear distorts reality and we often build things up into something much bigger than it actually is. The truth is, fear isn’t helpful, it won’t prevent something from happening and sometimes it even brings things to a fore sooner because we aren’t functioning well enough to cope with the inevitable.

The things that make us fearful are often things we can’t change, we see them coming and they terrify us, but they won’t stop because we know about them. Sometimes the best we can do is be still and accept what is happening until the reason becomes clear, because all changes are meant to be.

We will often cling onto what we know, what we feel comfortable with, even though it isn’t actually doing us any good. Fear prevents us from letting go and moving on because we are afraid of what we don’t know. When I think back on times I have been fearful in life, quite often it’s because I’ve been stuck in a rut, I haven’t been particularly happy but haven’t done anything about it.

Most of the things I have been fearful about in my life have been my greatest lessons, I have lines on my face I didn’t need because I spent too much time worrying about the inevitable. Everything that has happened to me has brought me to where I am now and I don’t regret a single thing.

We are all fearful in certain ways, because we all love and loving has a fearful aspect to it. I love my son more than anything in the world, I want to keep him safe and I can become fearful about his wellbeing, however if I let this become out of hand I risk causing him harm. I can’t tie him down and lock him up because he has to live and living brings experience. Good and bad things will happen to him throughout his life as they have me and he needs the bad every bit as much as he needs the good because it’s the balance that creates the person he will grow into.

I can’t talk about fear without talking about death, my own death or the death of someone I love. I’m not afraid of dying but I would rather it be in my sleep, I don’t want to die painfully but I don’t suppose I have a choice. Being fearful of loss is natural but death is inevitable, we are all dying, we all die.

To fear loss is to fear being lost, what will we do without someone, where will the love go, how will we fill that hole, what will we do with the loneliness. If I’m not afraid of my own death, I shouldn’t really be afraid of the death of someone I love, it’s what happens to me afterwards I need to work on, but that said, if I meant to survive I will and I believe we certainly learn from the experience of loss.

The death of my mother was the biggest catalyst in my life, the most painful experience, but from that I grew. As much as I wanted my mum to stay with me, she couldn’t, she needed to move on and I needed to find myself without her physical presence. And much as I feared it her death changed me in ways I never thought possible, her death was inevitable and so was my growth.

~ Liza

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017

Without Panic

I could have panicked, 

just given up, 

or put my head in the sand.

But that wouldn’t have helped me much,

so I gave myself a hand.

I collected buckets of determination,

kicked away my fears.

I stood up for what I believed in, 

in the most horrible of years.

I called my best friends around me, 

and they turned up in droves.

I might have panicked for a moment, 

but I didn’t and it shows.

~

Panicked 

Climbing from Confusion

I’m climbing from confusion,

I’m letting go of any dread.

Life is becoming clear to me,

I’m starting to feel instead.

I crossed over the mountains,

ones I never thought I could.

I’m onto greener pastures now,

left the darkness of the woods.

I’m climbing higher every day,

though I sometimes take a rest.

Look away from doubts I had,

I suppose they were the test.

Now I climb to reach the stars,

as I know they are very near.

And when I hold one in my hand,

I will no longer need to fear.

~

Daily Prompt – Climbing

Nature Lessons 167

Hiding behind others, be it people or excuses will never take us far. Standing out in a crowd and speaking our own truth might not be the easiest option but it is far more beneficial to our growth. Leave fear in the dark where fear resides and step out into the daylight. To make sense of our thoughts it is better to speak of them.

~ Liza

img_4547

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017

Fearing the Future 

I’m scared of seeing myself honestly, 

for the person I truly am.

Without the props and dressing up, 

I  really don’t think I can.

That’s not your plan for me today, 

you insist I look in the mirror.

The mirror of truth to introspect, 

bring the self a little nearer.

Fear in my heart, a shortness of breath, 

I just want to stay in bed. 

Hide myself, keep eyes shut tight, 

each moment filled with dread.

I’ve prayed, begged and cried,

what more can I do so you’ll listen.

Give me more time, let me linger here,

please don’t let me loose my position.

Your pulling me now, there’s no turning back,

then over the edge do I fall.

My wings open up, I’m starting to fly,

all the fear led to nothing at all.

The Influence of Experience

What influence does our experience have on how we live our lives now, what difference does this have on how we manage and function day to day? How do the wounds of the past weep into our present day?

Wounds when not treated, continue to weep and seep into our lives, we can cover then up with a plaster but they will remain open until they receive the proper care. Like wounds our feelings fester and grow until we are able to whip off the sodden plaster inspect wound  carefully and give it the time and care it needs.

If we don’t recognise and face our true feelings, those buried at the core of our being, born from experience like  pain, fear and shame, they will continue to exist and rule who we are now, how we view the world around us and how we live our lives each day. These feelings will resurface time and time again until we reach a place in which we are able to face them honestly, acknowledge them in truthfulness.

In looking at our experiences, we should do so in truth, we have to see each feeling for what it is, not cover it up, or make it into something else. Ask what is at the root of the feeling, like who abandoned me, why has this left me fearful? We need to acknowledge the parts we played in events and get in touch with the feelings or pain and sometimes deep rooted anger.

It’s not easy acknowledging mistakes, selfishness, ignorance and stupidity, but we have climbed to where we are now up a staircase of challenges littered with questions, we have made decisions that aren’t always in our best interests, or the interests of others.  It is not easy to acknowledge our mistakes but for me it’s the next step, for others it might be the helping hand they need right now.

I don’t think there are many who can say they have always walked a righteous path and if there are I question their honesty.  I question if they have in fact ever really faced themselves and embraced all of themselves for what they are and what they have been.

lizalizaskysaregrey©2016