Casual Me

I’m trying to be very casual about this house move, so much so that I haven’t even booked a van yet. I’ve taken a couple of loads over to Kent myself but I really won’t fit the furniture I have into my two seater mini coupe.

Most of my things are in storage from my last move three months ago. I took a temporary rental, but hadn’t quite appreciated how temporary it would be. The flat I’m in has now been sold, quicker because it’s a cash buyer, so I’m off to pastures new.

I’m reluctant to leave Sussex, I’ve been here fifteen years and my son’s here but I don’t want to commit to a whole years contract when I don’t really know where I want to be or where I want to settle. I might well come back but want time to think about it, I sort of feel there is more out there and don’t just want to settle for what I’m comfortable with.

How can I be so casual, I don’t know! One minute I tell myself the universe is unfolding as it should, the next I’m like a rabbit in the headlights. Breath, I keep telling myself, it’s supposed to be, this is where you find yourself. This is the next chapter, just turn the page. But I’m in that place in a book, where a chapter has just ended and you just sit and ponder it a little.

Work will hopefully be okay, I can plan visits, use Skype and hopefully get more clients wherever I go, ha ha that’s sorted then. I still do a little consultancy, though I keep threatening to give it up and I have a chest full of ideas.

I ask myself what would I do if money was no object. It’s easy, I would never be in one place, I would travel, maybe have a flat in the UK and another in Spain or somewhere on the med anyway. I’d have time for all of my passions, I’d have time just to be me without the need to settle because it’s expected. Then I ask myself why money makes a difference, another easy answer, it keeps fear at bay.

I so want to be a butterfly, I want to be casual and just flit from place to place, take life as it comes, but being so casual takes courage. I think to be truly casual you might just need a lottery win first!



What do you Think?

I saw my grandpa on the night he died, he was standing over me looking down. I was terrified at the time, hid under the covers until morning, praying that God would make him go away.

I loved my grandpa dearly, but knew his body had been taken from the house, I knew he was at the undertakers. I never mentioned it to my Gran, his partner of over fifty years. As an Irish Catholic I think she might have washed my mouth out and certainly wouldn’t have believed me. I didn’t offer to stay another night and any times I stayed following that night, I always hopped in with my Gran. I never saw him again but have often been told he is with me.

I believe in life after death, you’ve probably gathered that by now if you’re a regular reader of my blog, but I have so many questions. One of these questions is, if a body has been disposed of, how can it look the same? Sometimes I believe, or have heard, they might look younger, healthier, happier. But why do we see them as they once were when they have left their bodies. Is it the energy we recognise, our brain doing the rest, or is it them, does a spiritual body have some sort of form?

After my mother died, I sat up for nights looking for her, I was sure she would appear, I’d asked her to come back but she didn’t. I think maybe my childhood fear closed the shutters. I think I have prevented myself from ever seeing anything quite like this again.

I’ve seen other things, people I don’t know, but not in the same way. Although they might look like they are in the room, I know they are in my head, it’s different. After my cat died she jumped on the bed a few times, the last time I kept my eyes closed hoping she would stay and she padded all around me before disappearing again. I think she came to let me know she was okay, just as my grandpa did.

I’ve seen a Buddhist Monk and a Big Warrior sort of guy, I don’t know them. I see or sense people who aren’t really there, can’t be seen by anyone else, but never like grandpa.

Sometimes when I’m in bed, I’m tickled, touched I think. It’s like a stroke, the most gentlest stroke, sometimes like a spiders web across my face or hand.

Now for reincarnation, I’m a firm believer in this too. I regress people and take them into future possible lives. I’ve been regressed and seen the men and women I have been. So if we live so many lifetimes, why do we look like the last if we come back like grandpa? I’m not sure I make sense, let’s try again. If I have one soul, but many bodies, surely they are all part of me, so I would look like a mixture of them all. Or is it my soul would look like me to anyone who knew me in this life, but different if I was visiting a past life in France?

It’s all bloody fascinating, I’m intrigued but suppose I’ll only ever know for sure when I get there and that’s if I’m right. I’ve sort of come to the conclusion it’s all energy, we recognise the energy and our human brains do the rest. The people I don’t know, like the monk, I put his energies into the form I recognised. I’m not sure from where, maybe a different life. Or maybe my soul, knows him, maybe my soul recognised him as a monk.

No I’m cheating a bit on the daily post today, although my grandpa was my grans partner. I haven’t got a partner to chew this over so I though I’d ask what you think. It would be great if someone could answer my questions or at least give them a go.

This is how my mind works when I’m procrastinating. I should be packing for my house move on Tuesday not working out the whys and wherefores of life and death!


A Lie

It’s the subtle fragrance of a lie, 

that permeates the room.

It’s something you’re not saying, 

I think you stopped to soon.

 So I ask you clearly is that it,

you’re nodding like a dog.

I feel a little bit uncomfortable, 

that you had to swear to god.

The subtle fragrance of the lie, 

now lingers here between us.

I have to take you at your word, 

as I don’t like to make a fuss.

But there’s something in the air, 

and I just have to work it out.

As what stands between us now, 

is a fog that’s thick with doubt.








My thoughts lay dormant,

I drift away,

I roll away on a breath.

My heart slowing down,

I close my eyes,

my essence is much less.

A deepening into being,

I come to be,

on every single breath.

Dormant on the outside,

the ‘I’ to bed,

time for my soul to rest.  




Is it Edible

I went down on the beach again to read a book. I was accompanied by a couple of crows, a change from the usual seagulls.

I was eating a pack of almonds, so threw a couple for them to see if they would eat them.

Crow with an Almond
With his Mate, who didn’t get a look in with the Almond
Looking for more!

It was quite funny watching them and they kept me company for the rest of the afternoon. It might have looked a bit weird me being guarded by a couple of crows but I’m not one to care.  I’m not sure if crows usually eat almonds, but they appeared to find these edible enough 😉



Finding my Moxie

I’ve reached a place in time that’s right,

I’ve found myself at long last.

A place I speak up for what I believe in,

didn’t always do it in the past.

Took an age for me to find my moxie,

to not to keep it all under a lid.

To only agree with what society said,

would you believe I once did.

Now I’m as bold as brass, determined too,

I won’t take anyones shit.

If Moxie is what you call it now days,

I’ll wear the cap and say it fits.

I’m determined to get my point across,

I barge my way to the front.

But I’m eloquent with the words I use,

I do my best not to confront.




Leave Well Alone…

Don’t trouble trouble, until trouble troubles you!

I love this expression, one of my mum’s although I don’t know where she got it from. It means leave well alone, if something is going to happen, it will and no amount of worrying is going to stop it. Why worry over the inevitable and why worry if something is not going to happen. What possible good can worrying about something do, it’s a wasted emotion and does nothing more than add a few more frown lines.

Actually it can bring things to us, if like attracts like then negative thoughts might well attract negative occurrences.  What ever we put out we get back, it’s the way of the world so we have to think carefully about what it is we are putting out.

Leave negative imaginings alone, focus on the good as much as possible and don’t meddle with what you don’t want.

I’m not troubling trouble at the moment, I’m on holiday in Carbis Bay, Cornwall enjoying the most glorious week and eating far too much. Maybe if I don’t worry about the calories, they won’t come 😉