Tag: change

Legend

lizaaitken

Today I was born a legend,

I’m right back in the game.

Yesterday I was traumatised,

really not sure of my name.

A renewed legend I am now,

I believe I’m here to stay.

I have the power of positivity,

and it just can’t go away.

A true legend I was always,

I just lost me for a while.

But I’m staying, I’ve recovered,

you can see it in my smile 😊

~

lizalizaskysaregrey©️2017

 

I accidentally blogged this on my other blog restingintheheart.com oops, not quite the legend after all maybe. So sorry if you follow both, a legendary mistake!

Liza 🙂

 

Fearing the Inevitable

lizaaitken

Nothing is ever really as bad as we think it might be, fear distorts reality and we often build things up into something much bigger than it actually is. The truth is, fear isn’t helpful, it won’t prevent something from happening and sometimes it even brings things to a fore sooner because we aren’t functioning well enough to cope with the inevitable.

The things that make us fearful are often things we can’t change, we see them coming and they terrify us, but they won’t stop because we know about them. Sometimes the best we can do is be still and accept what is happening until the reason becomes clear, because all changes are meant to be.

We will often cling onto what we know, what we feel comfortable with, even though it isn’t actually doing us any good. Fear prevents us from letting go and moving on because we are afraid of what we don’t know. When I think back on times I have been fearful in life, quite often it’s because I’ve been stuck in a rut, I haven’t been particularly happy but haven’t done anything about it.

Most of the things I have been fearful about in my life have been my greatest lessons, I have lines on my face I didn’t need because I spent too much time worrying about the inevitable. Everything that has happened to me has brought me to where I am now and I don’t regret a single thing.

We are all fearful in certain ways, because we all love and loving has a fearful aspect to it. I love my son more than anything in the world, I want to keep him safe and I can become fearful about his wellbeing, however if I let this become out of hand I risk causing him harm. I can’t tie him down and lock him up because he has to live and living brings experience. Good and bad things will happen to him throughout his life as they have me and he needs the bad every bit as much as he needs the good because it’s the balance that creates the person he will grow into.

I can’t talk about fear without talking about death, my own death or the death of someone I love. I’m not afraid of dying but I would rather it be in my sleep, I don’t want to die painfully but I don’t suppose I have a choice. Being fearful of loss is natural but death is inevitable, we are all dying, we all die.

To fear loss is to fear being lost, what will we do without someone, where will the love go, how will we fill that hole, what will we do with the loneliness. If I’m not afraid of my own death, I shouldn’t really be afraid of the death of someone I love, it’s what happens to me afterwards I need to work on, but that said, if I meant to survive I will and I believe we certainly learn from the experience of loss.

The death of my mother was the biggest catalyst in my life, the most painful experience, but from that I grew. As much as I wanted my mum to stay with me, she couldn’t, she needed to move on and I needed to find myself without her physical presence. And much as I feared it her death changed me in ways I never thought possible, her death was inevitable and so was my growth.

~ Liza

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017

Acceptance

lizaaitken

An action I often struggle with

Cause I struggle so with change

Consent to something different

Everything here is just strange

Patience while it happens to me

Trust in those heavens above

Acceptance of another place

Not that I wouldn’t choose love

Confidence I’ll just have faith

Eyes opening to what is new

2017 the biggest shift for all

? so how does it feel to you ?

~

Playing with the letters of acceptance for the Daily Prompt

lizalizaskyaregrey©2017

 

Massive Change

lizaaitken

Challenges come throughout our lives that require us to make big changes and sometimes these challenges are massive. The changes we have to make can involve us needing to let go of things, sometimes through choice, sometimes the letting go is forced upon us through circumstance. Some of these life changes, rock our very foundations, we question who we are, but often the changes are necessary for our continued growth.

Life changes or challenges come in all sorts of ways, the loss of loved ones, health, loosing our jobs or homes and perhaps finding ourselves outside of anything we knew. Change can involve the letting go of possessions, beliefs, life structures and what makes us who we are. The letting go is necessary if what we have hung onto is no longer of use or just weighs us down. Often it’s people we say goodbye to, those whose worlds we just don’t fit into anymore.

We might initially fight change and continue to fight with every ounce of our strength until we give up, surrender and realise that fight it or not, change is going to happen.  So rather than be a lamb to the slaughter, isn’t it better to take control of things earlier and head off in the direction we are being pushed.

Life isn’t always easy, it’s not meant to be, sometimes it’s just one thing after another, some of these things rip the very heart from us. But each thing that happens to us, happens for a reason, there is a lesson to be learnt from everything that happens.

A few year back a friend asked me to describe my essence, what made me who I was. This was when I was starting out with my consultancy business and he felt it was a good exercise in knowing what I could offer. I found this quite difficult, maybe as it was the beginning of my life changing as it has. Today if I look at what I wrote there is a lot I don’t recognise. Today when I complete the same exercise, it looks totally different because I’m totally different. It’s perhaps good that I’ve closed my consultancy business now and I’m working in a different way.

I’ve learnt, when we continue to fight change, things get even more difficult because we are fighting universal plans and lets be honest, who can take on the universe. The best thing to do is embrace change, scary as this may seem, once we start to walk the right path and surrender ourselves, things start to go in our way. Opportunity presents itself and we find ourselves in the right place, meeting the right people and laughing again.

When I think back to all the difficult periods in my life it’s usually because I’ve been fighting things, challenges, often endings, usually the inevitable, and each and every one of these were meant to be. It’s so much easier to surrender, allow and accept change, embrace and welcome it when it comes because then it might not turn into something so hard to manage after all.

When we fight against the things that happen to us, it’s like the universe steps it up a gear just to prove to us we are not in charge. I sometimes think we are just actors, we have an invisible script to follow, sometimes presented at short notice. Okay I think there might be room for some ad-libbing but I don’t think we can totally change the play.

 

Daily Prompt – Massive

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017

The Old Boot

lizaaitken

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Life here on earth is a game of sorts and each of us has a different part to play. As much as we can make decisions and have free will, things will change, obstacles will get in the way and we will be presented with challenges. You see, as you might have realised, we are not entirely in control of the next move or the outcome.

Somewhere in the universe, or another one completely, this game is being played. Each player makes the moves that will change our lives for better or worse. We can prepare for this by understanding that things will change, being prepared and not clinging onto possessions of any kind, and that means people too. Because our turn will come around again soon and we will each feel it. Each move effects one of us, but each move is felt by those around us too. Sometimes the things that happen to us are wonderful, we move up the ladder, sometimes we go down the snake or into jail and miss a turn but the game continues.

It’s not a game of chance, because those that are playing understand that the object of the game is to help us grow, assist us in moving up to our best possible selves. Their goal is to take us to a place in which we can realise and meet the true self.

Think about it if you will, I’m sure you have played a board game or two in your lives. Think how you sit around a board, all with your own counter or figurine and your task is to move this around the board. Now think about the counter, imagine yourself as the old boot on a monopoly board, two steps forward, two steps back, miss a go. How does the boot feel, bored I imagine, stagnant and certainly not heading anywhere. A change is needed and the person who chose the boot to play with needs to make some right moves, their intention to get the boot to the end of the game. Okay so maybe monopoly is not the right game to choose as it’s all about amassing wealth but if money and property were lessons can you see where I’m going?

In this game, the players work together, not against each other because they know that each counter needs to get around the board. It’s a poor game if only one succeeds and anyway this is not possible. Let me explain, one player might decide his counter needs a job, house move, lover or any experience and during their turn put the plan in motion, but they are totally reliant on who plays next. So, the idea is a job and they get their counter to apply for this job, now they must wait to see what the next player will do, will they work together and agree with the game strategy or will they go against it, you see it will depend on what it means to their counter, maybe the job would have been good for them too.

Each move changes the board totally, the change for one effects each counter, therefore our lives are constantly changing. Things don’t come out of the blue, although it’s not a bad phrase if it’s blue where the game is being played.

Now for the mind-blowing part, who do you think is responsible for your counter?

It’s yourself, the self that we really are, the self we are in search of that knows all, the true SELF. You see we are spiritual beings, it is only the humanness that prevents us from seeing the truth, this game is being played within each of us and by each of us, only we don’t know it, because we haven’t really discovered ourselves.

So you see the importance of knowing ones self, connecting at a deeper level. See how you can influence and invite things into your life by being connected to the game player, spending time getting to know them, realising their purpose. 

Take some time out today and think about how the game is being played for you.

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017

Nature Lessons 119

lizaaitken

Nature welcomes each season, change is inevitable and each season brings with it something new.  Nature bows gracefully to the new season, plants and flowers fall in death to nourish the earth, making way for new life, some will step aside as if suspended until a time of renewal.  We all have our time to shine on earth, let it mean something. 

~ Liza 

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Tides of Change

lizaaitken

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I’m going through a difficult phase in life at the moment, you might or might not have noticed, but this influences what I write.  The structures around me are falling away, the tides are changing  as is what I once trusted and my priorities, I’m changing from the inside out.  But I retain hope, I believe there is something out there just waiting for me to discover it.

I know this change is the culmination of a number of difficult years where my experience of grief and loss led me to a point of reevaluation.  I’m not the same person I was five years ago, not even the same person I was a couple of days ago.  Things are moving fast for me now, I’m changing by the moment.  It’s an anxious time, but I’m trying to breath through it, hold onto my beliefs that everything is as it should be.  I’ve been here before and I did make it before just as I will again, that it’s a little harder this time is just evolution.

I believe life only gives us what we can manage, and although I’m not always sure at the time I will manage I have incredible resilience.  I have wonderful friends and family who provide the support network I need.  Some friends, I’ve begun to realise, are not what I once thought, but others feed my soul.  Bloggers I’ve met on here have been so supportive, I hope that I am also able to help in the same way, I try to inspire just as I’m inspired by you.

I’ve discovered nature, I have a deeper connection somehow through looking at the messages nature gives me.  I share these as I hope the messages might mean something to others.  Colours are brighter, feelings more intense, everything is changing but I think it must be for the better.

Nature tells me everything is going to be alright, the world will go on spinning.  Seasons will come and go and in some way there will be an impact on the environment, land will change shape, cliffs will erode, rivers will dry up or widen but they will continue to lead to the sea. Life in all it’s glory will continue as it should.

lizalizaskysaregrey©2016

 

 

 

 

Leaving You

lizaaitken

 

 

 

I’m leaving you now,

I’m no longer fulfilled,

you no longer make me as whole.

I’ve sadness as I think of you,

also happiness in my new role.

We once were so right,

we clicked you and me,

an honest and truthful match.

But then came the day,

we’d changed so much,

a new plan I needed to hatch.

The trauma we’ve shared,

deep crisis and such,

I always saw it through.

It’s not I don’t care,

I really do,

I’ve still so much passion for you.

It’s just that I feel,

as I’ve grown beside you,

I’m not the same girl anymore.

And the things that I do,

they don’t impact on you,

or at least I’m not so sure.

I’m not going far,

I might see you one day,

our paths may cross again.

I’m not ruling it out,

my vision unclear,

it’s still connected to pain.

So please wish me well,

as I will do you,

let us want the best for each other.

I’m sending you love,

I’ll think about you,

I so want you to recover.

 

 

Test of the Tower

lizaaitken

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I pulled the tower in 2013, not for the first time in my life but anyone who understands the tower in the tarot deck, will know it is significant.  I’m not frightened of the tower because it signifies necessary change, it’s just not always easy.  In fact I have pulled the tower at some major points in my life.   I pulled it when my husband and I lost our business, home and marriage.  I pulled it just before I quit a very well paid secure job at the beginning of 2013 and I pulled it before my mother died eighteen months later.

The tower is a test card, it usually indicates the breaking down of establishment, established ways of living, signifies necessary change and rocks the status quo.  I’m not one for thinking too much about it, what will be will be.  My friend on the other hand is terrified of the card, she makes me laugh because as much as these cards do tend to come up at the right time, they are really only for entertainment.  It could be that our unconscious self, that, that knows where we are going knows exactly where each card is in a pack.  I am quite psychic, do read the cards etc but don’t let it rule my life, as we are very much in charge of our own destiny.  Small changes we make one day might take us up a totally different path the next, although I do think the lessons along the way are the same, as is the destination.

Well the point of this post is to look at the changes that have come about for me over the last few years.  I started this blog as my mother was dying, it helped me process her impending death, she died in 2014 and I left it alone.  A few months back I came back to my blog and it is like I am a different person.  I talk out loud through my writing and I am now nearer to making sense of who I am.  It has been a difficult three years, extremely difficult.  The day my mother died, my stepfather had a heart attack and cancer was discovered.  I brought him home to live with me and he died at Christmas, two months after my mum.  I got through it with the help of my family and friends and now, two years later feel I have finally reached the other side.

I am happy, although I would do anything to have my mum back with me I have also had to stand on my own two feet.  She was my rock, she listened to me, supported me and worried about me.  There is something about the death of a parent that makes you grow up.  You have to think for yourself and make your own decisions.  It’s not that you didn’t anyway, but you did so in the knowledge that your parents were supporting you and loving you all the way.  I’m single so don’t have a partner for support but this time has been so good for me, I have discovered myself.  I’m comfortable with who I am and don’t rely on anyone for confirmation I’m going the right way.

Where am I going now, I work as a consultant in care, although it doesn’t really fulfil me anymore.  I’m between contracts and not really looking for anything along those lines, I think I’ve done my time.  I’m looking for a new direction, that’s why I have so much time to write and read your blogs.  I know I want to work in a way that will help others, I have natural empathy and can help people work things out somehow, maybe it’s because I listen and I’m good at untangling knots.  I’m a great believer in what is meant to be will not pass you by, so I’m waiting patiently.

I got a new tower today, I found it in my stats which made me think of the significance of the tower in my life.  Just maybe I will win the euro millions tonight and spend the rest of my days happy and blogging 🙂

When life goes wrong

lizaaitken

When you take a hit and life goes the wrong way, it is very easy to blame the universe. I mean you can’t possibly blame yourself can you, that would be daft, it is obviously down to someone or something you have absolutely no control over, it’s not your fault.

I’m not talking about every day occurrences, your numbers not coming in on the lottery, your holiday company closing down with your money or your laptop crashing. I’m talking about the big hits, like losing your home and having absolutely no idea what you will do next, how you will survive. A life-changing event any way that knocks you off you feet at a point in life you were simply not expecting it.

These things happen every minute of every day to millions of people and yet when they happen to us they are catastrophic. Why, because it happened to ‘me’ and it is not fair. What have I done to deserve this we ask, friends ask the same and show pity, although from a distance on occasion, as a run of bad luck can be catching.

When I look back on my life, I’m 50 by the way. None of the awful things that happened along the way are awful today. They all led me to where I am now and until this recent bit of bad luck, life was pretty okay. In fact, if some of those at the time awful things, hadn’t happened, life might be pretty awful.

When I think back to painful experiences, does it still hurt? Although I can remember how I felt at those times and appreciate the pain I experienced, it doesn’t hurt any more. I’m pretty much all healed, and I think for the majority of the time, better off for the experience.

We trundle along in life, not noticing what is going on a lot of the time until we get knocked off our feet. Bang, bloody big reality shock, life as we know it has crumbled into tiny pieces, so small they won’t fit back together. This is how the universe wakes us up, lets us know we were nodding off and getting boring. These alarm calls are set to stimulate us, alert us to every tiny detail of our existence.

Have you ever noticed at times like this how sharp everything looks, how sound echoes and feelings intensify? Enter your true friends and out and good riddance to those hangers on. Although we don’t know it at the time these are the best of days, these are the start of our next chapters and we only have to turn the page to get there.

I have had a bit of a hit recently but this time I have surprised myself. I’m excited by it, I’m eager and full of anticipation for where I’m going this time. The universe hasn’t let me down so far, as much as things might have seemed bleak at the times, the universe had a better view, the long view, and I put myself at its mercy.