Test of the Tower

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I pulled the tower in 2013, not for the first time in my life but anyone who understands the tower in the tarot deck, will know it is significant.  I’m not frightened of the tower because it signifies necessary change, it’s just not always easy.  In fact I have pulled the tower at some major points in my life.   I pulled it when my husband and I lost our business, home and marriage.  I pulled it just before I quit a very well paid secure job at the beginning of 2013 and I pulled it before my mother died eighteen months later.

The tower is a test card, it usually indicates the breaking down of establishment, established ways of living, signifies necessary change and rocks the status quo.  I’m not one for thinking too much about it, what will be will be.  My friend on the other hand is terrified of the card, she makes me laugh because as much as these cards do tend to come up at the right time, they are really only for entertainment.  It could be that our unconscious self, that, that knows where we are going knows exactly where each card is in a pack.  I am quite psychic, do read the cards etc but don’t let it rule my life, as we are very much in charge of our own destiny.  Small changes we make one day might take us up a totally different path the next, although I do think the lessons along the way are the same, as is the destination.

Well the point of this post is to look at the changes that have come about for me over the last few years.  I started this blog as my mother was dying, it helped me process her impending death, she died in 2014 and I left it alone.  A few months back I came back to my blog and it is like I am a different person.  I talk out loud through my writing and I am now nearer to making sense of who I am.  It has been a difficult three years, extremely difficult.  The day my mother died, my stepfather had a heart attack and cancer was discovered.  I brought him home to live with me and he died at Christmas, two months after my mum.  I got through it with the help of my family and friends and now, two years later feel I have finally reached the other side.

I am happy, although I would do anything to have my mum back with me I have also had to stand on my own two feet.  She was my rock, she listened to me, supported me and worried about me.  There is something about the death of a parent that makes you grow up.  You have to think for yourself and make your own decisions.  It’s not that you didn’t anyway, but you did so in the knowledge that your parents were supporting you and loving you all the way.  I’m single so don’t have a partner for support but this time has been so good for me, I have discovered myself.  I’m comfortable with who I am and don’t rely on anyone for confirmation I’m going the right way.

Where am I going now, I work as a consultant in care, although it doesn’t really fulfil me anymore.  I’m between contracts and not really looking for anything along those lines, I think I’ve done my time.  I’m looking for a new direction, that’s why I have so much time to write and read your blogs.  I know I want to work in a way that will help others, I have natural empathy and can help people work things out somehow, maybe it’s because I listen and I’m good at untangling knots.  I’m a great believer in what is meant to be will not pass you by, so I’m waiting patiently.

I got a new tower today, I found it in my stats which made me think of the significance of the tower in my life.  Just maybe I will win the euro millions tonight and spend the rest of my days happy and blogging 🙂

19 thoughts on “Test of the Tower”

  1. Gosh that touched my heart, I did not realise it was you until the end! Its almost like we humans are given lots to deal with at once. Your right about the cards and free will, they can change by the day.

    I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason, to mold us into someone that we are meant to be. Your writing is amzing, you would not have developed it had you been working. I am sure that happiness is just around the corner for you AND remember that God never gives us more than we can handle………. lots of love to you, Elaine x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m also counting on winning the lottery so I can just do what I love to do 🙂

    On a more serious note, I think that death in general, whether of someone close to you or an acquaintance (but the pain differs, of course), evokes all sorts of emotions, with the “time is short/precious so we must live life fully” taking center stage. With the thoughts that come when we encounter death is the intention to make some changes in order to live life fully and change isn’t easy so we go through a rough patch but we grow in the process.

    Death, change, life; they are all daunting and overwhelming as a general rule, but all of our experiences are preparation for what’s ahead of us…

    I’m thinking, at the end of everything, what really is the purpose of life? The rest is simply the road to purpose.

    Hectic stuff for a Friday. 🙂

    But, sounds like you’ve got life under control. Awareness and acknowledgement of “what is” puts you ahead of those whose heads are buried in sand.

    Liked by 1 person

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