The Medium

I feel I have a female energy, 

she’s coming through with love.

She’s telling you she’s with you here, 

not somewhere up above.

She’s telling me she watches you, 

this week she watched you dance.

She’s happy that your trying now, 

and giving life a chance.

Her death was so unexpected, 

she knows it was a shock.

She’s come to tell you life goes on, 

for her, the other sides unlocked.

She used to wear an emerald ring, 

you keep it by your bed.

She saw you pick it up last night, 

she heard those words you said.

I’m feeling her emotions, 

she’s washing them through me.

She’s sending all the love she can, 

she wants to help you see.

That she hasn’t gone that far away, 

just stepped through the door.

And now she’s getting stronger, 

she’s with you more and more.

She’s asking that I thank you, 

for the love you gave in life.

She says she was so very proud, 

to be your darling wife.

She sees you with the children, 

when your having fun.

She knows it’s been so very hard, 

for them to loose their mum.

She visits them at night time, 

when their fast asleep.

She gives them gentle kisses, 

with more memories to keep.

I feel she wants to tell you, 

she won’t ever go away.

She’ll always be right with you, 

until she meets you there one day.

So speak out loud to her each day, 

she hears you when you do.

Please know she watches you daily, 

she sends so much love to you.

She’s talking about a candle, 

the one that just won’t stay alight.

She’s telling me she blows it out, 

as you light it every night.

She’s a very good communicator, 

as her love is very strong.

She’s saying you didn’t need to visit me, 

because you had her all along.

Test of the Tower


I pulled the tower in 2013, not for the first time in my life but anyone who understands the tower in the tarot deck, will know it is significant.  I’m not frightened of the tower because it signifies necessary change, it’s just not always easy.  In fact I have pulled the tower at some major points in my life.   I pulled it when my husband and I lost our business, home and marriage.  I pulled it just before I quit a very well paid secure job at the beginning of 2013 and I pulled it before my mother died eighteen months later.

The tower is a test card, it usually indicates the breaking down of establishment, established ways of living, signifies necessary change and rocks the status quo.  I’m not one for thinking too much about it, what will be will be.  My friend on the other hand is terrified of the card, she makes me laugh because as much as these cards do tend to come up at the right time, they are really only for entertainment.  It could be that our unconscious self, that, that knows where we are going knows exactly where each card is in a pack.  I am quite psychic, do read the cards etc but don’t let it rule my life, as we are very much in charge of our own destiny.  Small changes we make one day might take us up a totally different path the next, although I do think the lessons along the way are the same, as is the destination.

Well the point of this post is to look at the changes that have come about for me over the last few years.  I started this blog as my mother was dying, it helped me process her impending death, she died in 2014 and I left it alone.  A few months back I came back to my blog and it is like I am a different person.  I talk out loud through my writing and I am now nearer to making sense of who I am.  It has been a difficult three years, extremely difficult.  The day my mother died, my stepfather had a heart attack and cancer was discovered.  I brought him home to live with me and he died at Christmas, two months after my mum.  I got through it with the help of my family and friends and now, two years later feel I have finally reached the other side.

I am happy, although I would do anything to have my mum back with me I have also had to stand on my own two feet.  She was my rock, she listened to me, supported me and worried about me.  There is something about the death of a parent that makes you grow up.  You have to think for yourself and make your own decisions.  It’s not that you didn’t anyway, but you did so in the knowledge that your parents were supporting you and loving you all the way.  I’m single so don’t have a partner for support but this time has been so good for me, I have discovered myself.  I’m comfortable with who I am and don’t rely on anyone for confirmation I’m going the right way.

Where am I going now, I work as a consultant in care, although it doesn’t really fulfil me anymore.  I’m between contracts and not really looking for anything along those lines, I think I’ve done my time.  I’m looking for a new direction, that’s why I have so much time to write and read your blogs.  I know I want to work in a way that will help others, I have natural empathy and can help people work things out somehow, maybe it’s because I listen and I’m good at untangling knots.  I’m a great believer in what is meant to be will not pass you by, so I’m waiting patiently.

I got a new tower today, I found it in my stats which made me think of the significance of the tower in my life.  Just maybe I will win the euro millions tonight and spend the rest of my days happy and blogging 🙂

Graffiti Reading

Graffiti Reading No. 1

I came across this piece of graffiti while walking in Brighton today and was quite taken with what it said to me.  I took a photo of it and thought I would try a sort of psychic reading.

The art was half way up a staircase.  The stairs are a thoroughfare from one road, up a hill to a parallel road above.  You have to be local to know they are there, they are hidden from view.   This suggested to me that the artist, was neither here or there, but on his way up.

I feel this was painted by a young man who is still discovering himself.  The face he shows to the world different to the soul beneath, he wears a mask.  He presents a tough exterior, doesn’t smile an awful lot, if at all to those who don’t know him.  He is still finding himself, he is in the process of carving out his identity.  I believe he is on his way up and getting closer to his destination.  I think this is a self portrait, even if he was unaware of this at the time.

He wants us to think that he meets the world head on, he knows where he is going but I believe he is still tortured by the past.  Torture might not be the right word here, but he shows a sadness, the sadness that comes from past experiences that leave scars on the soul.  I get this from the eye on the left, right in the photo, that appears to be focussed on the past.

That he chose a secluded spot to display his art, made me feel he was waiting to be noticed and at the same time, desperately wants to be worthy of being noticed.  He is not ready to show his true self yet, he doesn’t believe he will be accepted.  But there is hope in the art work and I think hope for the future.

I believe he comes from love, there are people around him that love him although he might not be aware of this at the present time.  I see two circles behind him in blue and green, signifying love and healing.  I’m not sure he consciously painted them but to me they are his people.

I feel this young man is a thinker and communicator, he has the ability to communicate his understanding of the world but at present he is quiet.  He has passion, this will develop as he begins to understand himself and his place in the world.  Above all I see a gentleness that will grow and flourish.

This gives me hope.