Casual Me

I’m trying to be very casual about this house move, so much so that I haven’t even booked a van yet. I’ve taken a couple of loads over to Kent myself but I really won’t fit the furniture I have into my two seater mini coupe.

Most of my things are in storage from my last move three months ago. I took a temporary rental, but hadn’t quite appreciated how temporary it would be. The flat I’m in has now been sold, quicker because it’s a cash buyer, so I’m off to pastures new.

I’m reluctant to leave Sussex, I’ve been here fifteen years and my son’s here but I don’t want to commit to a whole years contract when I don’t really know where I want to be or where I want to settle. I might well come back but want time to think about it, I sort of feel there is more out there and don’t just want to settle for what I’m comfortable with.

How can I be so casual, I don’t know! One minute I tell myself the universe is unfolding as it should, the next I’m like a rabbit in the headlights. Breath, I keep telling myself, it’s supposed to be, this is where you find yourself. This is the next chapter, just turn the page. But I’m in that place in a book, where a chapter has just ended and you just sit and ponder it a little.

Work will hopefully be okay, I can plan visits, use Skype and hopefully get more clients wherever I go, ha ha that’s sorted then. I still do a little consultancy, though I keep threatening to give it up and I have a chest full of ideas.

I ask myself what would I do if money was no object. It’s easy, I would never be in one place, I would travel, maybe have a flat in the UK and another in Spain or somewhere on the med anyway. I’d have time for all of my passions, I’d have time just to be me without the need to settle because it’s expected. Then I ask myself why money makes a difference, another easy answer, it keeps fear at bay.

I so want to be a butterfly, I want to be casual and just flit from place to place, take life as it comes, but being so casual takes courage. I think to be truly casual you might just need a lottery win first!