pain – lizalizaskysaregrey

The Traumatised Child

December 6, 2016 lizaaitken

The pain of all your suffering

is felt in every verse.

Stretched across the page,

traumatised from birth.

Salty tears are mixed with ink,

and yet invisible.

Telling your story of

childhood not reversible.

Your family don’t know you,

born into original sin.

Your mother turned a blind eye,

just because of him.

I see it in all your tiny cracks,

they’re very clear to me.

You lay down in your writing,

so that all of us can see.

Now you choose to write it down,

a ploy to get it out.

It’s really buried deeper,

won’t come up if you shout.

There are those who look away,

they don’t want to know.

What’s with all the writing,

is there some place you could go.

Believe me when I tell you,

I’ve so much respect for you.

For the days you live right now,

the traumatised child too.

Dedicated to a friend but also to all those who write about early experiences of trauma and pain. I have so much admiration for you, your doing your way and I applaud you from the bottom of my heart.

The Influence of Experience

November 20, 2016 lizaaitken

What influence does our experience have on how we live our lives now, what difference does this have on how we manage and function day to day? How do the wounds of the past weep into our present day?

Wounds when not treated, continue to weep and seep into our lives, we can cover then up with a plaster but they will remain open until they receive the proper care. Like wounds our feelings fester and grow until we are able to whip off the sodden plaster inspect wound carefully and give it the time and care it needs.

If we don’t recognise and face our true feelings, those buried at the core of our being, born from experience like pain, fear and shame, they will continue to exist and rule who we are now, how we view the world around us and how we live our lives each day. These feelings will resurface time and time again until we reach a place in which we are able to face them honestly, acknowledge them in truthfulness.

In looking at our experiences, we should do so in truth, we have to see each feeling for what it is, not cover it up, or make it into something else. Ask what is at the root of the feeling, like who abandoned me, why has this left me fearful? We need to acknowledge the parts we played in events and get in touch with the feelings or pain and sometimes deep rooted anger.

It’s not easy acknowledging mistakes, selfishness, ignorance and stupidity, but we have climbed to where we are now up a staircase of challenges littered with questions, we have made decisions that aren’t always in our best interests, or the interests of others. It is not easy to acknowledge our mistakes but for me it’s the next step, for others it might be the helping hand they need right now.

I don’t think there are many who can say they have always walked a righteous path and if there are I question their honesty. I question if they have in fact ever really faced themselves and embraced all of themselves for what they are and what they have been.

Healing through Writing

November 13, 2016 lizaaitken

I write to work out my world, I find writing therapeutic in that it helps me look back at experience and gain an understanding, maybe a different perspective of events. I find to write about painful memories helps ease the pain, it helps me understand and make sense of those memories so I can let them go or at least turn them into something more manageable.

Often when we look back at difficult events we do so in quick flashes, leaving the scene as soon as it becomes unbearable. It’s then buried again among the pain of our very foundations, the foundations that we work from, those that direct everything we do. If we don’t come to terms with the difficult episodes they become the foundations for our future. We will base our future decisions on past experiences and we won’t grow.

Our experiences, good and bad are the things that help us grow, however difficult our experiences, they should be meaningful if we are to grow from them. I find it just as helpful to write about happiness, it brings those feeling back home.

I find when I revisit something I can see it in a different way, I’m good at visualisation so I put myself in the scene and look around, sometimes I might see another way out, not that it helps the past but it can certainly help the future.

Rumour has it when we die our life passes in front of us, we learn about our lives from what we see. Why not do it now when we have opportunity to make those changes. Sometimes by going back, we can reframe our experiences and rewrite our futures.

A Question of Forgiveness?

October 27, 2016 lizaaitken

I am told or have read that what happens to us in life is not important. That we are to forgive those that have hurt us in the past. Because to blame others or circumstance for our unhappiness is to be connected to the ego. I understand this thinking, if I dare think, that to blame something or someone is to be concerned with the self, not understanding that the journey is forward and not back. I have managed to forgive, it is not in my nature to hold a grudge, I try to find the best in people. I recogniser others might have caused me pain but move on from this.

My question here though, is if we are to forget and forgive all that has been done to us, what should we do with the kindness and love that has been lavished upon us, is this of little consequence too? How can we let one action go but hold onto another, is there a contradiction here or am I not understanding.

Self-consciousness is the enemy, the pretend self, the thing that binds us and prevents us from finding the true self. Consciousness is the connection to source, without separation, a balance with nature, with the divine. If I’m understanding, everything that is done, every action, is done to the whole, and if we are connected as I believe we are, a group experience.

I would love your thoughts on this because I want to know about love. I promote love, I’m grateful for love and I, (although I should probably drop the ‘I’) feel love.

Realise – DP

October 6, 2016 lizaaitken

I would get you the stars and moon,

if it would help you to fly high,

but realise it’s just a dream,

to be floating up on high.

I would conquer all your fears,

if that would make you smile,

but realise they are not real,

but understanding takes a while.

I would go to the end of time,

to help you to start again,

but realise I might bring back,

those days so full of pain.

I would march into kingdoms,

put you on a throne,

but realise it wouldn’t change,

you’d still feel so alone.

I would demand all stars to shine

spotlights down on you,

but realise it wouldn’t work,

it wouldn’t please you too.

I like to gather all the love in the world,

and place it on your knee,

but I realise your not wanting that,

it’s just enough from me.

I wrote this response to the Daily Prompt Word Realise, thinking about someone who is going through a hard time at the moment.