From the Heart
Sometimes our feelings are buried so deep we don’t recognise them when they spring up. Extreme pain and sadness can come to the surface as anger, we don’t recognise the emotion. Sometimes the pain is too much to bare and it is easier to mask it, pretend it’s something else. Our feelings don’t disappear, they kept rising until we acknowledge them for what they are, only then will they pass.
~ Liza
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
Sometimes I hang right off the moon,
it drips right down my back.
Swallows fly through muted colours,
to where the day turns black.
The curtains close on any wonder,
loosing sight of what’s good.
I argu with my conscious mind,
feeling so misunderstood.
But then I wake as if from death,
the sun is shining so brightly.
I jump up from my blackness,
dance out into the world so lightly.
Butterflies in multi colours,
fanning me with their wings.
The world so bright and shiny,
is it happiness that rings.
I look upon these mood changes,
as the black and white of life.
Like morning is to nighttime,
and happiness to strife.
For the most part I am positive,
I get nine out of ten.
The sadness, rare but visits,
Shame I don’t know when.
The full moon always affects me, I often don’t know it’s coming but I know when it’s arrived. I’m not sure why, I’ve heard we are ruled by the tides, the moon controls the tides, so it’s that simple I suppose. I also live by the sea, I’m sure you’ve heard of those that ‘live on the edge’.
I’m not usually given to moods, but this week I have a feeling of hopelessness descending that I can’t seem to kick. This really isn’t like me, I’m upbeat, don’t worry about things and know that everything comes to pass.
It makes sense when I think about it, the anniversary of my mothers death is next week. It’s been two years now and I miss her terribly. It is a wound I carry, I loved her and miss her but I am not always sad, because I remember her beauty and laughter. We used to talk everyday, I’m still talking but she’s not answering, well least not that I can hear any way. I’m missing the opportunities of being with her, those that I took for granted.
It will pass and life will go on, I will laugh and have fun. I will continue to see the beauty in the world and in others and I will love with all my heart. But and here’s the big but, it’s okay to have a bad day once in a while. It is okay to give into feelings because they are there it is okay sometimes to give into feelings of helplessness.
Not to acknowledge sadness is to repress it, and when we do that we are just freezing it out until it returns to get us as true feelings cannot be repressed forever. I used to bury a lot, anger, fear, sadness but I found it’s not helpful to me and on top of that I have to spend a fortune getting it cleared!
If I’m sad now, I acknowledge it and let it in to sit with me a while. I think about it, communicate with it and make sense of it, only then can I let it go. I believe we have to do this, it’s being present, being in the moment and working on ourselves. We can’t hide the truth, it’s better to face it, accept it and move on.
I’m in a good place in that I am able to understand what is going on, I understand how emotions can take control of us, I understand the impact of trauma and stress. I give myself therapy, lots of healing and loving care, I make sure my environment is therapeutic and put good food into my body. I visit others for healing and energy work, supervision for my emotions I call it. I practice yoga and meditation, okay I’m a little lapse on the yoga but the intention is there. I wouldn’t be able to work helping others think through their own muddles and trauma if I couldn’t do that same work on myself.
We have to acknowledge that not everything is rosy all the time, we experience joy because we understand the opposite. Summers are so much better after a harsh winter and the birth of a child reminds us of those we have lost. We have to accept death, because to accept death confirms the experience of having had love in our lives.
To live in a world were everything is great all the time is just not honest. Our moods do change and life has a way of knocking us off our feet sometimes. If we keep pretending there is no problem, we will never face it, we are not living our true reality.
So my melancholy mood is okay, I’m thoughtful for the moment and want to be on my own for a while, but it will pass as everything does. Even writing this has cheered me up, writing for me is therapeutic. I hope this might help others in recognising that all things pass but if not it has helped me.
I’ll be back out there laughing and having fun in no time and I will enjoy it all the more.
Sometimes emotions come up that we don’t understand, emotions that have been buried for a long time spring to life. Accept and acknowledge these emotions and sit with them for a while, before letting them go.
~ Liza
The rumble of thunder surrounds me,
it’s surfing over the swell.
That disaster will hit is inevitable,
timing I just never can tell.
My hearts racing ten to the dozen,
it’s out of sync with the clock.
What started this crescendo of madness,
is hidden now and forgot.
Nerves are standing to attention,
anxieties entered the room.
I need some space for reflection,
before the big band goes boom.
But now the suns up and rising,
butterflies cover the sky.
Happiness is pushing its way in,
for reasons I don’t quite know why.
I shouldn’t drink it won’t suit me,
I’m drunk on tea can’t you tell.
The waters calm and serene now,
no sign of the earlier swell.
I sing like I’m Nancy Sinatra,
the stage a place I am free.
I need to pull in theses emotions,
so the person you see’s the real me.
Turn off the black and white television,
sit down in an armchair of beige.
Practice taking on what is bad news,
without getting into a rage.
I need to pull in my behaviour,
work on my reactions for sure.
Understand that actions have consequences,
before I make any more.
But that’s the thing with experience,
it visits without being called.
I’m a product of what went before me,
turning me into this ball.
Can you find it in yourself,
to wear another mans shoes.
Walk the path he’s trodden,
experience his moods.
Can you empathise with him,
understand his woes.
Does it help you if you see,
the way he chose to go.
Do you have an ability,
to show you care, that’s all.
offer genuine sympathy,
without setting out your stall.
Can you manage feelings,
that come as an onslaught.
Think upon it sensitively,
not refer to rules life’s taught.
Can you respond without reacting,
thinking carefully.
Offering sound guidance,
without transferring to ‘me’.
Can you really listen,
and respond to what you hear.
Can you be of real help,
are you able to persevere.
My heart lies in my stomach, it is where I feel despair
Deep within my solar plexus, it is from there I care
I feel a pull to warn me, somethings changed inside
It drags me from my very core, a train I have to ride
Love lives deep within me, reminding me each day
Of happiness and sadness, like when he went away
Emotions that reside way down, rise and fall like tides
Crash against my inner walls, when sadness does arise
On joyous days it bubbles up, tickling and spilling out
A volcano erupts inside of me, of that there is no doubt
So knowing where my heart lies, gives me responsibility
To recognise the power of love and provide tranquility
Daily Word Prompt – Angry
I don’t really want to write about anger, it’s not an emotion I wish to own. But if pushed on anger and I would have to be pushed, I would say circumstances can cause me to be angry more than anything else. Serious illness touching the good and undeserved, like my mother who was taken from us way too early and others I have loved and lost. Unfairness, cruelty, unkindness to others, including animals, the list is endless when it comes to pushing my buttons. Maybe I do experience more anger than I initially gave myself credit for, but it’s the injustice I find in life that upsets me and stirs up my emotions. Maybe it’s not anger after all, maybe it is just sadness at the unfairness in the world sometimes.
If another person who has angers me, I usually make excuses for them after a while being Virgo the pacifist! I find it difficult holding onto anger and have to kick myself to maintain it, I know this is stupid but it’s the way I am, full of excuses. I sulk, yes do I sulk, I have also been called passive aggressive once or twice but it eventually moves on as it should.
Back in the day I could do anger, I made a reputation of it as a teenager or worked hard at it anyway. Living on an inner city estate in London, you had to be tough or at least put on an act to that effect. Walking around with an angry look on your face was your protection, although that might just be just another false memory as most of the photos I have hold a big stupid grin.
I can remember being angry, pushing my mother in a wheelchair with her oxygen cylinder attached and a man barging past us without any consideration. Well I let rip at him and turned the air blue with my profanities. But it was probably more to do with the situation we were in rather than his actions and just having to let it explode out of me. That’s the problem, we often let off about something else completely, keeping the real cause of our distress buried deep inside.
I have worked with many young people over the years who have been traumatised by their early experiences. Many of these young people have been understandably angry and presented that anger through their behaviour, I can’t remember it ever doing them any good. When these raw emotions are turned into something positive it can be life changing for these kids. I love the quote ‘Don’t get mad, get even‘ and when these young people turn their lives around by channeling the anger in the right direction, that is exactly what they are doing.
If we can channel those emotions into something else and anything is possible. When anger surfaces, let it come, acknowledge and consider if it can be put to use positively by channeling it in another direction if not let it move on.
lizalizaskysaregrey 