Strong Woman

lizaaitken

 

 

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Strong woman you’re amazing, you take my breath away

With a meekness that’s inspiring, I watch you every day

Your strength so understated, but so very clearly there

I see in in all things you do, in the passion of your care.

*

I know you learnt the hard way, it’s what made you strong

Knocks you had along the way, the days that were so long

But out of all those lessons, you found a strength within

You stood up tall and carried on, oh how did you begin

*

Strong woman tell me what you learnt, show me the way

I so want to be as strong as you, I’d like to start off today

With a meekness that hits me hard, not weak in any way.

Will I have to understand your pain, to walk with you today. 

*

Your Smile 

lizaaitken

I saw your smile on the carpet today, I hadn’t seen it before.

I see your smile all over the place, each day I see more and more.

Your smile so wide, on precious lips, I remember it so clear.

Smiling now throughout my days, it’s like you are still near.

*

I saw your hair at a cafe as I passed, I stopped my heart beating fast.

Golden ringlets with a mind of their own, waving at those walking past.

Hair of an angel, not common at all, but the woman was not you.

I had to look close, just to make sure, as she had your bone structure too.

*

I saw your hand on a checkout girl, and another one in the bank.

Hands that helped me all my life, hands I owe so much thanks.

Gentle hands so full of care, with the touch of an angel dear.

I remember holding those hands as you left, the memories still very clear.

*

I chase you down the street sometimes, pass you on the stairs.

See you in a cars traveling out of town, but know your not really there.

Memories etched deeply into my mind,  now jumping out into my days.

I feel like I still have you here in my world, that you’ll travel with me on my way.

*


Nature Lessons 37

lizaaitken

A rose is more than just a flower, it’s a beautiful perfume that follows us around and stays with us. It’s confetti for a bride and a carpet of petals on the ground.  A rose is a gift or love, a welcome and a goodbye and a beautiful memory to cherish.  May your own spirit grow into the world like the spirit of a rose.

~ Liza

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Drowning in Dreams

lizaaitken

Dreaming is on my mind at the moment, I’m drowning in dreams. Not drowning in the physical sense but immersed in the detail. My dreams are magnificent and confusing at the same time, they lift me up high and leave me feeling desolate and out of touch.

I’m a big ball of emotion so it makes sense my dreams would reflect this. There is lots of water in my dreams, still and powerful, rough and deep, waves crash against land as if trying to destroy  it. I am the land and the water is my emotions I would imagine.

I dream in colour, beautiful colour that dive into and become.  Colours also represent my moods and I bring the colours back to my waking state. Morning moods are representations of my dreams. It can take me a while to adjust to the day.

I dream of big houses, mansions and temples with many rooms. Ceilings that never end and lead to somewhere out of reach. I think I am exploring my mind, chamber by chamber.  The water I spoke of is always around the walls or I cross it to get inside.

The people I love visit my dreams, those no longer here and those I’ve lost touch with. We don’t necessarily talk but we understand each other, we speak with our minds or telepathically. I don’t feel my mouth moving but I look out of my eyes I think, I don’t see myself but I feel myself.

I learn things in dreams that I find to be true when I’m awake.  Some things don’t make sense to me immediately but might later.  I’m fascinated by my dreams at the moment, the in between is my waking hours. I so look forward to going to bed at the moment, I’m finding it’s a festival of discovery.

Dreaming

lizaaitken


What is a dream, it’s so hard to see

Is it a book in our minds that we read 

With reams of pages turning fast

A book that’s short and never lasts

What is a dream, can we really hear

The audible bits that seem so clear

Action through my dream as I walk

That don’t make a sound, but I hear you talk

What is a dream, can we truly feel

As we are touched it appears so real 

At other times, when we reach out

Our arms are left empty, no feeling about

What is a dream, do we fly high

As the things we see go flying by

Scenery changes as quick as you like

From brightest day to darkest night

What is a dream, can we honestly eat

The fruit I taste, appears so sweet

But when I think more, it’s very rare 

That I even consider eating there

What is a dream, can we just speak

As when I try it comes out so weak

Sometimes I really try to cry out

But the noises I make will not come about

What is a dream, can we plan before 

Can we book our dreams, then some more

Because if I could plan my dream today

It wouldn’t end with you going away 

Life’s Tests

lizaaitken

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I feel that maybe life is a test, we come here to achieve something, find ourselves, maybe remember who we are but we get caught up in life and forget our purpose.

We come to develop an understanding, find tolerance and compassion.  Often this comes from the tests life give us, that we suffer on occasions ourselves opens our understanding of suffering.  To feel pain we recognise the pain of others and in turn learn compassion.  I know it sounds silly but it’s like anything, to experience is to understand.

When we find tolerance, we are able to meet life’s challenges head on, knowing that they will make us stronger and strengthen our soul.

Joy and pain are two sides of the same coin, like night and day, there is not one without the other.  If we have an easy ride, well maybe that’s a life without meaning, recovery from the last or we are here to help others.  I’m not sure we won’t know until the end, it’s all a mystery really.

via Daily Prompt: Test

Test of the Tower

lizaaitken

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I pulled the tower in 2013, not for the first time in my life but anyone who understands the tower in the tarot deck, will know it is significant.  I’m not frightened of the tower because it signifies necessary change, it’s just not always easy.  In fact I have pulled the tower at some major points in my life.   I pulled it when my husband and I lost our business, home and marriage.  I pulled it just before I quit a very well paid secure job at the beginning of 2013 and I pulled it before my mother died eighteen months later.

The tower is a test card, it usually indicates the breaking down of establishment, established ways of living, signifies necessary change and rocks the status quo.  I’m not one for thinking too much about it, what will be will be.  My friend on the other hand is terrified of the card, she makes me laugh because as much as these cards do tend to come up at the right time, they are really only for entertainment.  It could be that our unconscious self, that, that knows where we are going knows exactly where each card is in a pack.  I am quite psychic, do read the cards etc but don’t let it rule my life, as we are very much in charge of our own destiny.  Small changes we make one day might take us up a totally different path the next, although I do think the lessons along the way are the same, as is the destination.

Well the point of this post is to look at the changes that have come about for me over the last few years.  I started this blog as my mother was dying, it helped me process her impending death, she died in 2014 and I left it alone.  A few months back I came back to my blog and it is like I am a different person.  I talk out loud through my writing and I am now nearer to making sense of who I am.  It has been a difficult three years, extremely difficult.  The day my mother died, my stepfather had a heart attack and cancer was discovered.  I brought him home to live with me and he died at Christmas, two months after my mum.  I got through it with the help of my family and friends and now, two years later feel I have finally reached the other side.

I am happy, although I would do anything to have my mum back with me I have also had to stand on my own two feet.  She was my rock, she listened to me, supported me and worried about me.  There is something about the death of a parent that makes you grow up.  You have to think for yourself and make your own decisions.  It’s not that you didn’t anyway, but you did so in the knowledge that your parents were supporting you and loving you all the way.  I’m single so don’t have a partner for support but this time has been so good for me, I have discovered myself.  I’m comfortable with who I am and don’t rely on anyone for confirmation I’m going the right way.

Where am I going now, I work as a consultant in care, although it doesn’t really fulfil me anymore.  I’m between contracts and not really looking for anything along those lines, I think I’ve done my time.  I’m looking for a new direction, that’s why I have so much time to write and read your blogs.  I know I want to work in a way that will help others, I have natural empathy and can help people work things out somehow, maybe it’s because I listen and I’m good at untangling knots.  I’m a great believer in what is meant to be will not pass you by, so I’m waiting patiently.

I got a new tower today, I found it in my stats which made me think of the significance of the tower in my life.  Just maybe I will win the euro millions tonight and spend the rest of my days happy and blogging 🙂

Friendship

lizaaitken

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None of us can get through this life alone, we are not made that way.  We are born into a family group and from there we spread out into the world and join other groups.  We make friends along the way, special people we want to be with, that give us something and get something back from us.  Real friendship is a blessing, these people we love as we love our family, for some who have experienced difficult upbringings these are the only family they may ever have.

So what is a friend.  To me a friend is someone who understands us and likes what they see, friends look beyond the outer shell and understand the soul of us.  Our friends champion us, they will us on and help us get there.  There is no jealously or competition in friendship, we want and wish for our friends to be happy.

I’m not like all my friends, we don’t have to think the same or say the same we just have to love each other.  My oldest friend I met at 4, I knocked on her door and asked if she wanted to come to my party.  I was new on the estate, mum had just divorced and we had moved back to London where she could work in the city.  I told her ‘it won’t be a very big party because I haven’t got a daddy’.  Well she came and we have been great friends ever since.  We rarely see each other, a couple of times a year and apart from the odd email and text we are not in contact a lot but we love each other dearly.  When my mother died she was the first person I phoned, she loved my mum very much too.  She was a rock through those dark days, along with other friends and I don’t know how my sister and I would have got through without them.

I’m not really like any of my friends, we are all different and that’s good.  One friend I met through work, we worked in a children’s home where violence and aggression were a daily occurrence.  We understood the children were traumatised and their behaviour was just a communication of their emotions and early life experiences but it didn’t stop us getting hurt on occasion.  I knew this girl was always behind me, she always had my back and me hers, so it was only natural we would become good friends.  We have been friends ever since and we continue to support and have each others backs.  Funny we are nothing alike, we like different music, choose different places to go and have different interests but experience holds us together.

I have a friend who always leaves flowers on my kitchen table for me to return to when I have been away, she has recently started a blog on here and knows who she is and that I love her dearly.

I haven’t mentioned family, those very special and wonderful friends, because they deserve a special post just for them, but my son and sister are my best friends and I still talk to my mum daily and know she listens.

Friendships can be transient, people come into our lives for the time we need them, they complete the task and move on, it might be we were supposed to do something for them.  I think friends are probably planned before we come here, some of these people we have known before in other lifetimes, that’s why we recognise them.

I am so blessed with the friends I have, those that have been and those yet to come.