I’ve been spending a lot of time watching sunrises lately, watching from when it pops its head over the horizon until it’s high in the sky.
I know the sun doesn’t ascend, it is a trick of the eye, it only looks like she’s rising through the air. I take so many photos because I know it’s over all too quickly, but these moments are special.
I woke up in the night and realised that I exist in multiple places. I can visit myself and learn from myself at will as each version of me holds something that I need to grow. I realised that I (as I think of each of them) can also visit me and I am able to inspire as they inspire me. We don’t all realise this, each of me that is, as I have only just discovered it for myself.
I am so many different of expressions of myself, I’ve grown in a multitude of ways, flowering from the child we all once were. My pathways have crossed and then again they have not, we’ve read the same books yet taken different messages and we’ve learnt from our experiences, the experiences we have had as our other selves.
We’ve met the same people although they are also completely different, each moment and every action changes the outcome, changes our lives. But we continue to grow to exist in all our forms.
I am highly evolved and not evolved at all, while I know, I also know nothing, I give and I take and each of these is me, each of my actions touches all of us. If I am kind, one of us will be touched by kindness, if I am cruel we will suffer cruelty and love pours through all of us if it is given unconditionally.
I knew I was dreaming, I woke momentarily and went back in, it was so clear, a sleeping, waking dream. I knew with all my heart that this is what I’d been looking for, I wasn’t surprised, it all made complete sense. I knew also that I could share this with others, teach them how to find themselves, it is so very simple.
I met a man named David, he’s important in lots of my lives and yet I don’t know him in this one. It could be he passed me by and I was busy looking elsewhere, he may come back again.
Last night I thought this was the most powerful dream I had ever had, I felt it was more than a dream, it was a lesson. I knew I could return, I finally knew how.
Today, I’m alone and it’s gradually slipping from my memory!
Please don’t let me be popular,
or to fit into any set mould.
Popular is quite boring to me,
I’d rather be seen as bold.
I quite like to split opinions,
don’t like me out of the blue.
I’m fine if you agree with me,
but do think a little bit too.
Popular is just too boring,
like bingo as everyone goes.
I won’t join a club to follow,
there is not a ring in my nose.
I’ve always hated pop music,
well at least since I grew up.
I won’t fit into a category,
I’ll drink from the devils cup.
It’s not popular to be popular,
well not in my book anyway.
Popular is just boring you see,
weird at the end of the day.
Weird in that it rounds us up,
placed in those boxes you see.
Rather than being popular,
I’d rather be seen as just me.
Jean hated to clean, she could see the dust but just couldn’t be bothered with it. Quentin Crisp once said “There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse”.
Jean reached up to the bookshelf, pulled his book off the shelf and wiped a layer of dust from the spine. She opened it and looked at the inscription “To Jean from Quentin Crisp” she had been a true fan of his. She agreed on the dust, dirt is dirt, however much of it there is, however it doesn’t go away unless you do something about it.
Jean needed a cleaner but she also needed a holiday, she longed to travel see some more of the world before she turned to dust herself. She thought she might start in New York and see what, if anything, would open up from there.
Jean put her little house on a holiday letting site, the place you would put your home for short term lets, she was very careful about the photos she took. It wasn’t long before a six month let was agreed and Jean paid for her vacation with the deposit, packed up and left.
Jean just closed the door on the dust, this she thought, was a much better option than getting cleaners in to do a deep clean. References she had received for the tenant, described her as an exceptionally clean young woman. Jean just knew she would return to a spotlessly clean home in six months, now all she had to do was to work out how she would find the already spent deposit!
“The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us” Quentin Crisp
I wrote this story after helping my sister clean her new rental for two days before moving in. I couldn’t quite believe how much we had to clean and however messy she is over the next six months the owner will still be returning to a home that has been deep cleaned! I suggested to my sister we were paying forward, that she wouldn’t have to clean on leaving, but that is silly, it is not in her nature, after all she was well chosen!
The owners name wasn’t Jean of course, this is a book that used to sit on my mothers bookshelf 🙂
It could be a circle I’m travelling,
or a long and windy trail.
In such dry and arid conditions,
or wet where I need a sail.
Pulls on every ounce of strength,
such weight I have to bare.
But then I look to the distance,
and I know I’m nearly there.
Such feats I have to contend with,
as I travel along the way.
Those burdens that I carry too,
some go but others may stay.
And what if it is a circle or two,
and I just go round and round.
Maybe that’s just the secret,
of how happiness can be found.
I’m as focused as I’ll ever be,
but that not much you see.
I’d rather be wondering slowly,
than to move fast from A to B.
I’m not a fan of planning,
I’d rather just do as I please.
To be focused you need to focus,
and it doesn’t appeal to me.
I can concentrate a little,
on the things that I like to do.
Like creating something special,
I might even give it to you.
Focus isn’t a word I like,
it reminds me too much of school.
As if I look to far in front,
I might miss this moments jewel.