From the Heart
Death is not that bad at all,
as it helps me to be alive,
Staring death right in the face,
I know I now survive.
I’m living in the moment,
who knows if I’ll get more,
I live today for what it is,
not caring what’s in store.
Future days may not exist,
if it’s today I’m due to die.
Is tomorrow really relevant,
if so I can’t think why?
*
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
Another friend left here today,
she won’t be coming home.
She’s gone to pastures yonder,
where the good souls roam.
I didn’t get a chance to say,
what she meant to me.
It doesn’t really matter now,
I suppose that she can see.
It’s her daughter that worries me,
her grief is so brand new.
She’s numb with shock it’s tragic,
not sure of what to do.
And the grandson who found her,
tried to keep her alive.
Bless his heart, I mean it,
oh, how hard he tried.
Then those family arguments,
that come at times like this.
When people find another place,
to put the things they miss.
So my friend if you’re watching,
believe me they’ll be fine.
They are suffering the loss of you,
they’ll be needing time.
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
As we transition into winter,
with harsher times in store.
We hold onto our memories,
of summer more and more.
As blossoms close for winter,
by falling on the ground.
We know with certain surety,
they’ll be coming back around.
For our life is a big circle,
the message here so clear.
Hold memories of your loved ones,
so very, very near.
For they are just around the corner,
only around the next bend.
We will see them on the other side,
as nothing really ever ends.
I know your watching over me
and that your always there.
It sometimes gives me jitters
if I slip on one of those stairs.
I know you see when I make mistakes,
getting it so wrong.
When you were here I wouldn’t of said,
with a nose so very long.
I wonder if there is anything,
that I can really hide away.
That you won’t know and haven’t seen
when we meet again someday.
Does it cause you worry now,
or have those old days gone.
I’m guessing that it doesn’t,
now your views so long.
I’m sort of getting used to it,
you knowing everything I do.
I wouldn’t take it from anyone,
I’ll make the exception for you.
Sometimes when I’m eating cheese,
I stop and think of you.
Knowing if your watching,
that you would want some too.
Have I found the funny side,
am I really making fun
But then I have your sense of humour,
don’t I precious mum.
So you carry on watching me,
I like to have you near.
But I don’t want any of your nagging,
am I making myself clear.
Is there a humorous side to death, I think if you had the same sense of fun in life there has to be. I’m often thinking what my mum would think of the pure unadulterated me. Don’t get me wrong there wasn’t much she didn’t know about me, we were very close but there are those little things we keep to ourselves. I find lies difficult, even harder now as I know she can see. It’s like I’m checking see will approve or at least not disagree.
She wouldn’t judge she’s not like that but I think I may have disappointed her once or twice. You see this is the other side of missing someone, if it’s true life goes on and that’s what I believe then they see everything you do!
I think I’m getting more like my mum but then that might well be because she’s around me all the time, maybe subtly influencing me. Like when I put one of her belts around my waist or throw one of her necklaces on.
Have you ever braked hard, throwing you arm protectively across the passenger seat in an empty car? I have!
I’ve been out of sorts the last week or so, weird dreams that I’ve shared here, fluctuating moods and bad feet. Luckily my neighbor and friend is a homeopath and knows me well. He has treated me over the years and strangely usually gets me right. I say strange because before I met him I thought homeopathy was a load of rubbish. How he has proved me wrong over the years is just amazing.
Last week he gave me amythst for three days and I was so much lighter, fun and put my worries to the back of my mind. That was not the end, he thought about me, my life experiences and thought he may have another deeper remedy. He asked how I felt about butterflies. How strange it was five minutes after I had written a poem about butterflies and he doesn’t even follow my blog!
I’ve been a little infactuated with these little creatures lately, it’s all to do with my preoccupation with death and transitions. Apparently this remedy sits well with me, loss of mother, abandoned in childhood (father), feelings of loss and abandonment, self doubt, feet etc.
It arrived yesterday and I swallowed it without a seconds thought. Nothing much happened and I thought maybe it wasn’t the right remedy. That’s okay because if it’s not right, it won’t hurt.
Last night I went to bed and dreamt of my mum, she was alive, warm and beautiful. We hugged and I cried, I’m crying now as I write this but that’s good because they are happy tears.
I think he was right, the remedy was deep.
And so the light is fading, the winters drawing near.
The summer sun is dimming, the days are not as clear.
I’m thankful for my summer, the joy along the way.
And now the winters drawing in, shorter are my days.
With winter comes warm fires, dying embers in the grate.
Like memories that fade away, even now when I’m awake.
But I’m thankful for the days we had, the joy along the way.
If only the summer sun would wait, for just a few more days.
It is both beautiful and incredibly heartbreaking to witness someone you love die.
Beautiful as it’s the last thing you can do on earth for someone you love deeply. To hold their hand and give them permission to leave, even though every ounce of your being is screaming for them to stay.
Emotions between you are shared as if you share the same soul. At this time there is not need for many words, you feel the way together. You feel peace and serenity in a silence between you and an acceptance and understanding that death will shortly join you.
As death comes a small part of you goes along too, the person who remains here will never be quite the same person who walked into the room.
I don’t think I need to explain heartbreaking, it speaks for itself. I have found time does make it easier, it never leaves you but you learn to live again.
I’m a little obsessed with death, you might have noticed. When I first started my blog it was when my mum was dying, I wrote short stories and everybody died. I’d start writing maybe thinking of a happy ending and then oops another death.
Now I still write about death in different ways, I explore what it means. I’m a very happy and content girl, I just think about death a bit. It’s okay, don’t unfollow please, because death to me means new beginnings. I write of flowers wilting to come back again in the spring, suns gloriously setting and rising again and caterpillars transforming into beautiful butterflies. I believe there is more to life than the physical life we have here and think that we just move on somewhere and continue. I reads lots on near death experiences, as I said I’m obsessed!
Whatever death is I think it should be special, I think the dying should have the best possible care and be allowed to go when they are ready with their loved ones around them. It’s only a transition but we won’t see them for a while and thats difficult to manage for all of us.
Goodbyes are so important, as is giving permission. I conducted a funeral last week, I’m not a trained celebrant and it was strange how it came about but the family wanted it conducted with love and that’s what happened. It was a privilege for me to do this for someone, I mean it’s the last thing you can do.
Funny where life leads you and how!
My Nanny stands there
at the end of the bed
It’s really quite weird,
because I know she’s dead
But she stands there quite happy
no longer in pain
She tells me she loves me
it’s still just the same
My brother can’t see her
and I’m wondering why
He tells me I’m faking
that I’m telling lies
Mummy’s not sure
but she’d like it to be true
She asked me a question
‘Why’s Nan visiting you?’
I couldn’t give her an answer
I wasn’t that sure
I know Mummy’s sad
by not seeing her anymore
She’s not at all frightening
she’s pretty and bright
I see her a lot in the day
and through the night
I like nanny coming
I wish she would stay
Her visits have helped me
since she went away
A final pull on my pipe
I sit here alone
Once I was young
now an old crone
I watch the day end
look into the night
Think of my life
and things I’ve got right
I’m waiting for time
to come take me home
I’m prepared for the trip
know I do it alone
I know I’ll be greeted
by those gone before
Those that I’ve loved
and lived with for sure
Is the time drawing near
I never can know
I’m ready I think
for the end to now show
lizalizaskysaregrey 