From the Heart
Life isn’t always clear, sometimes we have to feel the way, delving deep to find the answers. Our basic senses, what we see, feel or hear are not always enough, we have to connect with a universal energy and understanding in order to find ourselves. The mind does not have all the answers, the roads through the mind are made of man. The pathways of the soul connect to a universal knowledge that will, if we seek, will show us the way.
~ Liza
If we stop and take a good look at ourselves, peal back those layers like the petals of a flower, we will find the true self. The self that is at the heart of each of us, that which is full of love and forgiveness, that which does not judge and simply knows us in truth. Think about those layers, can you allow any of them to fall away, can you find your heart centre?
~ Liza
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
Do you ever feel that you understand something but can’t quite put it into words. The concept is bigger than words allow, it’s just a knowing and that knowing is magnificent in itself. I think this might be linked to what is described as a sort of spiritual awakening. You begin to live life with a different understanding, nothing has changed on the outside but somewhere inside of you, at the core of your existence, everything is different. You are still living the life you always have, with the same friends and family around you, although something has shifted and that something, you can’t quite put it into words.
You look at everything differently now, you see things as if through fresh eyes. Nature has never looked so beautiful, your drawn to art of all kinds and revel in dance, poetry and philosophy. You blend with your surroundings, they become you, and you them, you recognise oneness. You switch off the television and cancel the papers, life is now full of questions that can’t be answered by anyone else. Space and time for your self are an important commodity, you find silence to be almost musical and necessary for your peace of mind. You make new connections, people come into your life as if by chance but you know they are meant to be, others leave in the same way. Love becomes real for what seems like the first time and you understand the immenseness of the feeling, to love is to live. It becomes obvious that love is the answer to all of the problems in the world as love is caring, love is a prayer and thought for someone or something and has the ability, if given the chance, to conquer all ills.
I started to see and feel life differently after a couple of very difficult years. I went through a period of immense trauma including a number of significant losses, that pushed me towards introspection, I needed to know who I was, I was searching for purpose. The shift wasn’t immediate it took time but I could never now be the same person I was once. Of course there are elements of the old me, I’m still the same but my answers are different now. I’m softer, I give myself time and I don’t aspire to be anything other than the best me I can be, I recognise myself as a student, I’m learning and have lots to learn. I am as what can only be described as searcher, I’m looking for answers, but on the other hand I know some of these answers are too big for me to comprehend at the present moment.
People wake up in different ways, it’s usually a big event, a near death experience, a life changing event, whatever it is usually the breaking down of all we knew and relied on, the Tower in the tarot deck explains this well. I’m not saying I’m awake, I’m probably far from it, but I’m on the path towards it, which is a much better place than I was in.
I don’t know why I wrote this today, I think I want to hear about the experience of others. If your reading this and reach the end without zoning out, what does it say to you, how can you relate? I’m having a deep Sunday here in the UK, whatever your doing I hope it’s beneficial 🙂
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
What influence does our experience have on how we live our lives now, what difference does this have on how we manage and function day to day? How do the wounds of the past weep into our present day?
Wounds when not treated, continue to weep and seep into our lives, we can cover then up with a plaster but they will remain open until they receive the proper care. Like wounds our feelings fester and grow until we are able to whip off the sodden plaster inspect wound carefully and give it the time and care it needs.
If we don’t recognise and face our true feelings, those buried at the core of our being, born from experience like pain, fear and shame, they will continue to exist and rule who we are now, how we view the world around us and how we live our lives each day. These feelings will resurface time and time again until we reach a place in which we are able to face them honestly, acknowledge them in truthfulness.
In looking at our experiences, we should do so in truth, we have to see each feeling for what it is, not cover it up, or make it into something else. Ask what is at the root of the feeling, like who abandoned me, why has this left me fearful? We need to acknowledge the parts we played in events and get in touch with the feelings or pain and sometimes deep rooted anger.
It’s not easy acknowledging mistakes, selfishness, ignorance and stupidity, but we have climbed to where we are now up a staircase of challenges littered with questions, we have made decisions that aren’t always in our best interests, or the interests of others. It is not easy to acknowledge our mistakes but for me it’s the next step, for others it might be the helping hand they need right now.
I don’t think there are many who can say they have always walked a righteous path and if there are I question their honesty. I question if they have in fact ever really faced themselves and embraced all of themselves for what they are and what they have been.
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
There are many layers to this universe,
we only live in one.
The others remain unseen to us,
maybe hidden by our sun.
There are fundamental principles,
dictating what we can see.
I’m wondering if it’s just the same,
for the flowers and the trees.
Do they see the nuances,
the waves between the light.
Do they show their beauty,
to things that are out of sight.
Can they see the others,
that walk between our thoughts.
Can they hear the music,
that bounces as we talk.
Our minds make sure it’s kept away,
trained by us you see.
That’s the subtle difference,
between a human and a tree.
We think too much to ever see,
the beauty that’s around.
There’s far more than we’ll ever know,
between the sky and ground.
An energetic field of light,
dances but yet unseen.
Some might see the flashes,
the purples and the greens.
Close your eyes and look some more,
shut out that blocking mind.
There’s far more in the universe,
but we’re only humankind.
*
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
I’m going to relinquish my control
and put my trust in you.
I’m going to embrace in all the things
you want me to do.
I will do so without question,
trusting you know best.
Without regret or any fear,
nor will I suspect a test.
I know I need to give up possessing,
treasures that I’ve stashed.
I’m preparing for the day it comes,
when my reality is smashed.
I do this with a saddened heart,
but do so as I think right.
I suppose I’ll miss attachments,
when they’re out of sight.
But this is how my soul will grow,
without the weight I know.
I’m trusting you from this day on,
so show me where to go.
*
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
The shackles of time adorn his feet and yet he is young. He waits patiently for he knows that the gods will not hurry, he is but one in a universe of waiting. His seat is old and yet warm with the memories of those that have gone before, it will remain in these realms and serve as the throne of another. Although young in this life he has travelled here before, learning each time but will come again. The impatient youth of another lifetime went on before him, this time he is patient, knowing, at peace with himself. He has had company on his travels and left his mark in the places he has visited. His ghost remains on the earth and the people whose path he has crossed have an indent of his being on their soul. He is a thoughtful man, when he speaks it is with clarity, boldly speaking his truth. The eagle, adorned with golden feathers is ready to fly having lived many lifetimes with the man, the bird will wait for his return but for now it prepares its feathers for the next flight. There are no possessions on this plateau except the memories and lessons of this life reflected in an orb of light in his right hand. The young man looks into this as he waits, reflecting, thinking and listening to the universe.
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
Something I wrote some years back, I’m not sure what I was thinking at the time of writing but found it interesting when I read it back again today.
The beach is empty but for the waves that greet the shore, there is a stillness.
The surf rolls in bringing with it the shingle and small shells caught up in the momentum of the moment. They tumble towards the land from the tips of the waves and fall into place upon the shore. This happens under the control of the tides, the tides under the control of the moon. The shingle has no choice in the matter it waits where it lands. The shoreline sparkles in the sunlight, this pinks and whites, the blues and silvers, the solid browns and mottled are placed on the earth at the will of the tides.
This could also reflect our own earthly lives as we tumble from the womb into families as individuals. The warmth and glow of a loving family may shine upon us or as if by night the dark and coldness of a family bereft of love. What surrounds us in our earthly existence is left to chance. It is what we make of the opportunity, how we relate to those around us and how we blend in or stand out and makes a difference.
Like the waves that hit the shore we will be met with challenges. Some will throw us up and into the unknown, many will require us to start again – it is eternal.
We will shine in the sunlight, be buried from view and occasionally be left in the dark. This is the power of the universe we are joined to, at one with. As the shingle makes a beach and goes on to make land, as individuals we make mankind and influence the future of the earth.
We are connected by chance, but our goal is to become one with the universe by finding ourselves among the shingle.
Like a lot of children I had a friend that only I could see. Although no one else could see her, it didn’t make her any less real and somehow validated our special friendship. Her name was Reen, well that was how I pronounced it back then, and we played for hour upon hour in the wonderland inside our home. Reen stayed close to me, she waited in my room while I slept, rocking gently on the rocker beside my bed and joined me at the table for meals, we spent hours at the bottom of the garden in our camp under the old coalbunker and I shared everything with her. It was Reen that helped me wrap the hedgehog up warm and put him in the dressing up chest for the winter and Reen that taught me not to eat the slugs we found on the path. When I was having my hair washed Reen would stand by the door watching and smiling as I screamed and wriggled away to the other end of the bath, I don’t recall her bathing but she was always shiny and bright. When my daddy didn’t come home any more, she stayed close to me at night as I listened as mum cried in the distance. Whatever the weather was doing and however many layers I was wearing, Reen always wore the same dress, with little white flowers on a pale green background with a white collar and cardigan.
I can’t remember when she stopped coming or I stopped noticing, maybe about the same time my little sister could join me in play and moved into my room. I feel bad now I think of it someone so important, just forgotten. That’s it with imaginary friends they just leave your imagination one day and that’s it your on your own. I remember mum telling me how one day we were running for the bus and she noticed my hand held out behind me, like I was dragging something along. ‘Wait for Reen’ I fussed as we mounted the bus, a petrified look on my face, because I might leave my friend. Mum told it as if she believed I really did have a friend, even with all the excitement of running for the bus and a fun day ahead, I had not forgotten Reen. I didn’t remember this and although I had a slight dream like memory of a girl with a pretty dress and curly blond hair, Reen was cast to the back of my mind. Mum often said she wished she had asked me more about my friend back then, but a busy mum bringing up two girls she let it go as I did myself years later with my own child.
I’m in my fifties now, I’m on the downward path now although still hopeful, and today I walked into the lounge to find Reen sitting on the sofa. I saw her as I walked through the door just sitting waiting, like your family might, familiar, comfortable in the surroundings and all grown up. I suppose that would make sense as she would have been growing with me, but she didn’t have the worry lines I see on my face each time I look in the mirror or any of the ravages of time this stressful world brings, she was truly beautiful. I recognised her immediately, there wasn’t a moment when I didn’t know who she was. The dress was gone but replaced by a blouse of the same pattern and her face was soft and creamy as I remembered, with big eyes and the gentle smile that was so deep and warm and hair the colour of summer. The shopping bags I was carrying hung heavy on the end of my arms as I stood and watched, holding my breath, not blinking in case she disappeared again. She smiled some more and I felt safe, I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time, with a bubble growing in my throat, I couldn’t speak. There I was like an idiot, standing in my coat, hair dripping into my eyes, the light still not switched on, with those sodden bags hanging from my arms.
Oh dear god, what a loser I must be to have my childhood friend return at my age. It wasn’t that I was not happy to see her it’s just that it made me realise what a total bulls up I must have made of things since she had left, had she returned to repair me, put right all the wrongs and untangle all the lies. She must know, yes, I looked into those eyes and knew instantly she had been with me all the time, I just hadn’t seen her until now. You know when something is so real, there is not time for excuses, embarrassment, ego polishing or the like, well that was the moment I was caught in. I bent to put my bags down on the floor, still dripping from the rain on to the waxed floorboards, knowing, as I did there would be a watermark later. I walked slowly, yet within one held breath to the sofa and sat beside her. I sat on her left, she was on my right and the feather sofa gave beneath me, this was not a dream. I might have breathed but I’m not sure as in my mind a breath might have blown her away. We sat there, comfortable like we had never been apart and a small bit of me realised we hadn’t parted, I had just stopped seeing her.
I want to be able to tell you how we spoke, how we caught up with the time and how I apologized for forgetting her but I can’t. Because we haven’t spoken yet, she is still sitting there watching as I write this down with my cat Eris, snuggled up comfortably and purring softly beside her.
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
We are all at different stages of growth, age is certainly a consideration, but so are our experiences as we travel through life. Some of us will face many challenges, that will, if we learn the lessons from them, enhance our growth and development. Others, who may appear to have an easy life, might be much farther behind because they have not shared those same experiences. We cannot judge others by what they know or don’t know because we all receive individual lessons connected to our own journey, each of our spirits grows at the pace as it should.
~ Liza
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
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