Another Goodbye 

Another friend left here today, 

she won’t be coming home.

She’s gone to pastures yonder, 

where the good souls roam.

I didn’t get a chance to say, 

what she meant to me.

It doesn’t really matter now, 

I suppose that she can see.

It’s her daughter that worries me, 

her grief is so brand new.

She’s numb with shock it’s tragic, 

not sure of what to do.

And the grandson who found her, 

tried to keep her alive.

Bless his heart, I mean it, 

oh, how hard he tried.

Then those family arguments, 

that come at times like this.

When people find another place, 

to put the things they miss.

So my friend if you’re watching, 

believe me they’ll be fine.

They are suffering the loss of you, 

they’ll be needing time.

 

lizalizaskysaregrey©2016


New Blog

Hi my lovely blogging community.

I have started a new blog and wonder if you would mind taking a look if you have the time and give me some feedback.  My reason for starting this is I wanted a separate space to think about subjects close to my heart, see if I can be of any help to others.  It is still very much in it’s infancy, I have more to do but thought this might be the best time to get your feedback.  I’m not sure if it will be of any use but I’m hopeful.

https://lizasspace.com

I intend to continue with this blog, I just wanted to see if I could create something else.

I would welcome your comments, the nicer the better 🙂

Is it any wonder?

Is it any wonder, why I’m feeling like I do.

Everything has changed,

and I am missing you.

Is it any wonder, why I am feeling cold.

I’m feeling like I’m falling,

with nothing left to hold.

Is it any wonder, why I push it all down deep.

Only to resurface,

when I’m fast asleep.

Is it any wonder, that I turned out as I am.

Grateful for what you gave to me

I’m your greatest fan.

Is it any wonder, why I feel this way today.

It’s two years at eleven,

since you went away.

lizalizaskysaregrey©2016

The Medium

I feel I have a female energy, 

she’s coming through with love.

She’s telling you she’s with you here, 

not somewhere up above.

She’s telling me she watches you, 

this week she watched you dance.

She’s happy that your trying now, 

and giving life a chance.

Her death was so unexpected, 

she knows it was a shock.

She’s come to tell you life goes on, 

for her, the other sides unlocked.

She used to wear an emerald ring, 

you keep it by your bed.

She saw you pick it up last night, 

she heard those words you said.

I’m feeling her emotions, 

she’s washing them through me.

She’s sending all the love she can, 

she wants to help you see.

That she hasn’t gone that far away, 

just stepped through the door.

And now she’s getting stronger, 

she’s with you more and more.

She’s asking that I thank you, 

for the love you gave in life.

She says she was so very proud, 

to be your darling wife.

She sees you with the children, 

when your having fun.

She knows it’s been so very hard, 

for them to loose their mum.

She visits them at night time, 

when their fast asleep.

She gives them gentle kisses, 

with more memories to keep.

I feel she wants to tell you, 

she won’t ever go away.

She’ll always be right with you, 

until she meets you there one day.

So speak out loud to her each day, 

she hears you when you do.

Please know she watches you daily, 

she sends so much love to you.

She’s talking about a candle, 

the one that just won’t stay alight.

She’s telling me she blows it out, 

as you light it every night.

She’s a very good communicator, 

as her love is very strong.

She’s saying you didn’t need to visit me, 

because you had her all along.



Your Smile 

I saw your smile on the carpet today, I hadn’t seen it before.

I see your smile all over the place, each day I see more and more.

Your smile so wide, on precious lips, I remember it so clear.

Smiling now throughout my days, it’s like you are still near.

*

I saw your hair at a cafe as I passed, I stopped my heart beating fast.

Golden ringlets with a mind of their own, waving at those walking past.

Hair of an angel, not common at all, but the woman was not you.

I had to look close, just to make sure, as she had your bone structure too.

*

I saw your hand on a checkout girl, and another one in the bank.

Hands that helped me all my life, hands I owe so much thanks.

Gentle hands so full of care, with the touch of an angel dear.

I remember holding those hands as you left, the memories still very clear.

*

I chase you down the street sometimes, pass you on the stairs.

See you in a cars traveling out of town, but know your not really there.

Memories etched deeply into my mind,  now jumping out into my days.

I feel like I still have you here in my world, that you’ll travel with me on my way.

*


Test of the Tower

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I pulled the tower in 2013, not for the first time in my life but anyone who understands the tower in the tarot deck, will know it is significant.  I’m not frightened of the tower because it signifies necessary change, it’s just not always easy.  In fact I have pulled the tower at some major points in my life.   I pulled it when my husband and I lost our business, home and marriage.  I pulled it just before I quit a very well paid secure job at the beginning of 2013 and I pulled it before my mother died eighteen months later.

The tower is a test card, it usually indicates the breaking down of establishment, established ways of living, signifies necessary change and rocks the status quo.  I’m not one for thinking too much about it, what will be will be.  My friend on the other hand is terrified of the card, she makes me laugh because as much as these cards do tend to come up at the right time, they are really only for entertainment.  It could be that our unconscious self, that, that knows where we are going knows exactly where each card is in a pack.  I am quite psychic, do read the cards etc but don’t let it rule my life, as we are very much in charge of our own destiny.  Small changes we make one day might take us up a totally different path the next, although I do think the lessons along the way are the same, as is the destination.

Well the point of this post is to look at the changes that have come about for me over the last few years.  I started this blog as my mother was dying, it helped me process her impending death, she died in 2014 and I left it alone.  A few months back I came back to my blog and it is like I am a different person.  I talk out loud through my writing and I am now nearer to making sense of who I am.  It has been a difficult three years, extremely difficult.  The day my mother died, my stepfather had a heart attack and cancer was discovered.  I brought him home to live with me and he died at Christmas, two months after my mum.  I got through it with the help of my family and friends and now, two years later feel I have finally reached the other side.

I am happy, although I would do anything to have my mum back with me I have also had to stand on my own two feet.  She was my rock, she listened to me, supported me and worried about me.  There is something about the death of a parent that makes you grow up.  You have to think for yourself and make your own decisions.  It’s not that you didn’t anyway, but you did so in the knowledge that your parents were supporting you and loving you all the way.  I’m single so don’t have a partner for support but this time has been so good for me, I have discovered myself.  I’m comfortable with who I am and don’t rely on anyone for confirmation I’m going the right way.

Where am I going now, I work as a consultant in care, although it doesn’t really fulfil me anymore.  I’m between contracts and not really looking for anything along those lines, I think I’ve done my time.  I’m looking for a new direction, that’s why I have so much time to write and read your blogs.  I know I want to work in a way that will help others, I have natural empathy and can help people work things out somehow, maybe it’s because I listen and I’m good at untangling knots.  I’m a great believer in what is meant to be will not pass you by, so I’m waiting patiently.

I got a new tower today, I found it in my stats which made me think of the significance of the tower in my life.  Just maybe I will win the euro millions tonight and spend the rest of my days happy and blogging 🙂

Scleroderma

 

 

Sadness, it took you when you had more time ahead.

Coldness of your skin, as I tucked you in bed

Laughter we avoided as it might make you cough

Every moment painful, the same with my loss.

Raynaud’s phenomenon, that turned hands to stone

Oxygen cylinders all over all our homes

Drugs I can’t spell, piled up to swallow

Everything hard but you wouldn’t wallow 

Reminders of you are not all this disease

Magnificent moments, that put me at ease

Always my mum………

 

It’s world Scleroderma Day tomorrow, today would have been my mum’s birthday.

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Echo of your Voice

 

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mountain keeps an echo deep inside.  That’s how I hold your voice.

~Rumi

Your far away now, further than I can follow, but I still hear your voice.  I hear your voice deep inside where there is stillness and peace.  And when I am there I can hear you as if you are next to me.  Your voice will never fade for me, never dim and never not mean the world to me.

In response to today’s Daily Prompt – Mountain

Phase of You

Daily Prompt Word – Phase

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/phase/”>Phase</a&gt;

A simple phase your going through,
in love with me, it can’t really be true.

A blissful moment of time stood still,
here with me now of your own free will.

I must be dreaming, I must be asleep,
to believe that you are here for keeps.

Break me in pieces, I surely won’t mend,
our love affair can never ever end,

Don’t tell me if you leave, just go away,
I just want to remember you here today.