writing – Page 2 – lizalizaskysaregrey

If I could do anything….

July 4, 2017July 4, 2017 lizaaitken

We become so tied down by commitments, family, jobs, friends, finances, mortgages and rents. Then there’s the contracts we’ve signed up to like the internet, mobile phones and utilities. Doctors, opticians and a number of other health services, when you think about it there is an awful lot that keeps us tied down into one place.

Have you ever thought what you would do with your life if you could do anything? I have and if I could really do anything, I’d leave that rat race and travel, I’d set out to experience the world and all the wonders it has to offer.

I love the sun and nature so I’d head in the direction of the sun, not the desert, I like to see flowers grow but somewhere warm. I like to be near water, so I’d be inclined to head to the coast or somewhere with lakes. I need lots of vegetables as I’m not a meat eater, so somewhere with an abundance of fresh veg.

I can’t do without the internet, it’s a shame but it’s true, I like to blog, I like to read and I like to keep in touch. I need internet access of some kind. I would also like to be near a town or city, much as I love nature, I love or need to be near people, they fascinate me, I could people watch for hours. Sometimes I make up stories on the people I’m observing, I wonder sometimes how close I get!

I love architecture, love to wonder around city streets and visit churches, temples and places of worship. I’m really interested in different religions and what I can take from them and love philosophy and philosophical conversations. I’m not fabulous at languages, a little French and Spanish but not enough to philosophise so hopefully some English speaking people too, although I’d certainly make an effort to learn a local language. If I was going to work an English community or visitors would be handy too!

I have flat feet and like open toed shoes like flip flops or Burkinstocks to knock about in, I wear trainers and higher heals for nights out.

I like art, music and dance although I have two left feet. I like to watch dance, listen to buskers and musicians and visit galleries.

I travel quite lightly, but I want a hairdryer and toiletries and clothes for fat and slimmer days. Okay maybe I’m not such a light traveller but I’m better than many.

I want a camera before I go anywhere as up to now all my photos are taken on my mobile phone, maybe some photography lessons too. I need to take my laptop along for blogging, working and Skype and most importantly keeping in touch with my son.

Oh, I’m terrified of sharks and jellyfish and only paddle because of this, but would swim in a lake. The sea draws me because of the infinity I feel looking out to the horizon, I love to watch the sun rise and fall.

Now with this in mind, where do you think I should go, I’m really interested in your suggestions because I have incredibly itchy feet. Oh and by the way job offers are welcome too 😉

1000 Posts!

June 7, 2017 lizaaitken

I’ve made a thousand posts,

on skies are grey.

Usually one post at least,

but I try every day.

Quite regularly I might

take a weekend away,

it worries me then

if my followers will stray.

But I’ve stuck to the plan,

I write on my blog.

I get lost in my writing,

it’s not a hard slog.

Sometimes it’s just pros,

some poetry too.

I just love showing,

photography to you.

So thank you for following,

as this keeps me going.

I know that you do this,

in my stats it is showing.

I’m excited to be here,

at one thousand at last.

On to the next badge now,

I’m a blogger at last!

A silly poem to celebrate my achievement, but seriously, thanks for following 🙂

Wishing you the best!

April 20, 2017 lizaaitken

Let me start this by telling you I mean you no harm. I am not trying or wanting to hurt or shame you in any way and I am trying my hardest to wish you my absolute best at the moment.

I just need to say what I feel today. I need to because my feelings are escaping me and entering into other parts of my life where they do not belong.

I have to tell you, you let me down. Yes, I can hear you now saying that you haven’t done anything of the sort, we got divorced years ago. Yes you’re right, I’m happy about that, but we had a child.

Yesterday our son told me he’d like to change his name. As you know, we kept your name but now he doesn’t want it.

I told him that if he did decide to change it, I would change mine too. I only kept it because I wanted the same name as him, but we couldn’t decide what would we call ourselves. I sort of married my father, a replica anyway, so if we went back to my maiden name it wouldn’t be that much of a statement. We talked about my mothers maiden name, it didn’t sound right, we could make one up, we just couldn’t decide.

Today he wasn’t so bothered, he had decided he liked his name, he’d got used to it and it didn’t really connect with you if you weren’t about. I don’t mind mine, there is no rush or plan to change it just yet.

I have to tell you, you were always fine as an absent father, we managed. No, we did magnificently, we got over it. That is, until you decided to hold out, I don’t know what you would call it, an invitation, the hand of friendship, god knows. But he believed it, our sensitive, trusting boy believed his dad wanted to know him at last, did you bollocks!

You talked about how important it was for you to know your son, how much he meant to you, how you wanted to make up for lost time. I was over the moon, I fell for it too. I think maybe, I hoped.

I never tried to turn him against you, I had seen friends do this with their kids but I hoped that whatever relationship we might have had, it might be different for him. I told him he was born in love, I thought he was.

He dared hold out his hand back, he asked you for help. You have him platitudes, you gave him hope but you didn’t give him anything he needed. You have his telephone number, don’t you?

It didn’t go unnoticed by either of us when you proudly shared a post about ‘your eldest’ on Facebook. Only she’s not your eldest is she, you forgot our boy.

You held out that hand and snatched it away, you bastard. There are no why’s and wherefores to this post, you won’t read it anyway. I’m not going into any detail on all the things you haven’t done either, because I’m proud of what I’ve done. I just wish you had never shown your face again, he was fine without you.

If I can make any good out of this, I can tell him that it’s a lesson, a hard one, but one that will make a difference, you see all the hard ones do. If I could tell you anything it would be, you’re a disappointment but I’m trying hard at the moment to wish you all the best.

The Suffering of Others

March 8, 2017 lizaaitken

We are all pretty well off, we have access to the internet, a roof over our heads and usually our basic needs taken care of. I’m sorry if I’m pooling you into a group you don’t feel comfortable in but the fact that your reading this tells me you at least have this opportunity in your lives.

What about those that don’t have the same opportunities, those suffering in some way, those who live the most difficult and painful lives? I really struggle with this at times, wonder why the world is so unfair, why people suffer.

The only conclusion I can really reach is that they are suffering for me, their lives teach me something, they are the masters.

There must be a reason, if your spiritual, you’ll agree with purpose, you’ll understand the journey of the spirit. I don’t believe it is always a pleasant one, I think some people come to earth, not for the experience, not for the development of their own souls but for humanity.

I know a young woman, I’ve spoken about her before and called her Ann. Well Ann was abused from birth, she is brain damaged from the abuse she suffered from those that were supposed to care for and love her, her parents. I have worked with abused children traumatised by abuse for years and I can tell you Ann’s case file is one of the worst I have read.

Ann has epilepsy and we have been informed that she will at some point suffer sudden death because of this. Ann is in her 20’s and has not had a life, she functions as a toddler might and does not get pleasure from life. When I think about this I have to ask why and the only conclusion I can reach is to teach those around her something. I think she has probably taught us all different lessons but her life is certainly etched on my soul.

She has taught me in so many ways and will continue to do so. I’m lucky I know Ann, I’ve known her since she was 7 years old when I worked with her. My best friend fostered her and has her to this day so I’m a sort of auntie.

I’m only using Ann as an example but look out into the world and see how many people are suffering, the number is growing. If it is choice that they suffer then this must tell us we are not learning, we are allowing suffering to go on without really taking notice.

Brighton where I live has a big homeless population, everybody comments when they visit, but do those living here really notice in the same way? Interesting isn’t it how we can become oblivious to the suffering of others. Somebody throws themselves under a train and people complain because it holds up the line, I don’t get it.

If our own lessons are supposed to teach us, why don’t we take more notice and learn from the experiences of others. Because I think until we do its going to get worse out there, if they are here to teach us, something has to make us take notice.

What has it taught you, do you have any messages to share, anything that you learnt from the suffering of other?

The Old Boot

March 8, 2017March 8, 2017 lizaaitken

Life here on earth is a game of sorts and each of us has a different part to play. As much as we can make decisions and have free will, things will change, obstacles will get in the way and we will be presented with challenges. You see, as you might have realised, we are not entirely in control of the next move or the outcome.

Somewhere in the universe, or another one completely, this game is being played. Each player makes the moves that will change our lives for better or worse. We can prepare for this by understanding that things will change, being prepared and not clinging onto possessions of any kind, and that means people too. Because our turn will come around again soon and we will each feel it. Each move effects one of us, but each move is felt by those around us too. Sometimes the things that happen to us are wonderful, we move up the ladder, sometimes we go down the snake or into jail and miss a turn but the game continues.

It’s not a game of chance, because those that are playing understand that the object of the game is to help us grow, assist us in moving up to our best possible selves. Their goal is to take us to a place in which we can realise and meet the true self.

Think about it if you will, I’m sure you have played a board game or two in your lives. Think how you sit around a board, all with your own counter or figurine and your task is to move this around the board. Now think about the counter, imagine yourself as the old boot on a monopoly board, two steps forward, two steps back, miss a go. How does the boot feel, bored I imagine, stagnant and certainly not heading anywhere. A change is needed and the person who chose the boot to play with needs to make some right moves, their intention to get the boot to the end of the game. Okay so maybe monopoly is not the right game to choose as it’s all about amassing wealth but if money and property were lessons can you see where I’m going?

In this game, the players work together, not against each other because they know that each counter needs to get around the board. It’s a poor game if only one succeeds and anyway this is not possible. Let me explain, one player might decide his counter needs a job, house move, lover or any experience and during their turn put the plan in motion, but they are totally reliant on who plays next. So, the idea is a job and they get their counter to apply for this job, now they must wait to see what the next player will do, will they work together and agree with the game strategy or will they go against it, you see it will depend on what it means to their counter, maybe the job would have been good for them too.

Each move changes the board totally, the change for one effects each counter, therefore our lives are constantly changing. Things don’t come out of the blue, although it’s not a bad phrase if it’s blue where the game is being played.

Now for the mind-blowing part, who do you think is responsible for your counter?

It’s yourself, the self that we really are, the self we are in search of that knows all, the true SELF. You see we are spiritual beings, it is only the humanness that prevents us from seeing the truth, this game is being played within each of us and by each of us, only we don’t know it, because we haven’t really discovered ourselves.

So you see the importance of knowing ones self, connecting at a deeper level. See how you can influence and invite things into your life by being connected to the game player, spending time getting to know them, realising their purpose.

Take some time out today and think about how the game is being played for you.

A Fat Blogger?

March 2, 2017 lizaaitken

I spend so much time in front of my computer screen reading and writing that quite honestly I’m getting as fat as a house. I’ve always been a healthy weight, up and down but have always been able to buy my clothes in high street stores. Just lately I’ve noticed that my clothes are a little tighter, some don’t fit and I can only put it down to the inactivity of writing and working from home.

When I write, I’m absorbed in the moment, I remain focussed and stay still, okay my fingers move but nothing else, no foot tapping or fidgeting, my mind is with the words, I’ve left my body if you like. Reading is the same my focus goes onto the written word and my body is again left to do its own thing.

I’ve wondered if my body is expanding to remind me it’s here, if it is, it’s working, as if I can’t fit in my clothes I’m going to have to think about where I write!

I walk every day, I love walking and as you know if you read my blog taking photos of nature, but I’m not doing enough in terms of exercise if it’s just a couple of miles a day against hours on the laptop.

I’ve decided I’m going to give standing up while I work a go, I’ve read some offices do this now with standing work stations. So I’ve set my Mac up on a kitchen counter and I’m going to complete my work there. Any telephone calls I have to make connected to work will be made walking around too.

This will be if anything an interesting experiment, maybe my writing will be rubbish, maybe I won’t get enough work done but it’s worth a try as I’m not giving into the flab!

Does anyone out there have any experience of this or any wise words of wisdom?

Liza (written while standing ;-))

Where would you go?

February 24, 2017February 24, 2017 lizaaitken

Imagine if there really was no such thing as time, everything was and is happening at this precise moment in some form and you could go anywhere, where would you go? If I could take you somewhere, back in the past or into the future, where would it be? A past life maybe, somewhere to perhaps remember the lessons of that life or into the future to see where you might end up in say five or ten years or even into a future life. Wouldn’t it be interesting, maybe we would recognise each other in another form or those we know today?

I went for regression therapy myself after my mother died, I couldn’t come to terms with her death and was in a state of grief. It had always been something mum wanted to do herself, on her bucket list so to speak so I thought I’d give it a go myself. I was taken back in this life, taken just a short while back and then further to the point of my mothers death. This might sound morbid but it was something I couldn’t allow into my thoughts, I was I suppose in a state of denial. Seeing it again, or rather viewing it from another point of existence sort of made it real for me, I cried buckets as you can imagine but I accepted her death. I went back further to a teenager, oh how I felt sorry for that poor girl, know all know nothing I think the term is, I loved her anyway, I think she needed that. I went back to being a toddler, felt the enormous love of my mother and to a baby in the womb listening to my dad sing. This might seem far fetched to those that won’t allow their minds to travel this way but to me it was cathartic and healing. Even if my body was just lying on that couch, my mind was able to expand, travel and heal.

I travelled back through other lifetimes, some of no interest, I looked on detached from what I saw. One woman, who I believed I was, I had no time for, she was bitter and twisted and had wasted her life. I experienced her as an old woman and felt there was not much else for her to do with that life but die and try again in another life. I found myself as a doctor in one life, looking at my shoes I was amazed to find myself as a man, he is my favourite so far, he kept a journal of his findings and died with the journal open next to him on the bed. Would you believe I found him the next day on the internet, he looked exactly the same and when I read about him it was the same as I had learnt during the session, mind blowing!

So what can we get from past lives, I think lots of lessons. As much as I loved the doctor, loved the fact he wrote and was passionate about his lives work, I also understood his loneliness, he had sacrificed family, never marrying or having children being married to his work. I learnt from him about balance, to be committed to your work might be wonderful but make room for love. In this life as much as my career has been important, never more than my love for my family and friends, they will always come out on top.

Recently I’ve been into the future, or the best possible future to how I’m living today. I’ve been forward five and ten years and it’s fascinating. I can see potential and possibility, it has given me, above all, hope. I’ve trained as a Past Life Regression and Future Life Progression (FLP) practitioner now, another tool for my box of tricks and I’m having fun experimenting with my new found skills. If I can help people see possibilities then that has to be good.

I think both the past and future can help us make sense of the present, I think we can understand the lessons in this life that sometimes seem pointless or cruel. I can see why some people appear to have it all and others nothing at all but do believe in balance as in some way or another, life or lives will even out.

This post is not in any way meant to offend, I’m not pushing any beliefs on anyone as I believe being present in the moment every bit as important, I’m just curious and for me I’ve found these therapies helpful in making sense of now. So if you could go anywhere in time, where would it be?

Suffering?

January 9, 2017 lizaaitken

Strength is born in the deep silence of long suffering hearts, not amid joy

~ Felicia Hermans, 1793-1835

Everything that happens to us in life is a teaching, it is all meant to be and points us to the way we should be going, but nothing on earth teaches us about life more than suffering. When we suffer we learn and grow, no doubt about it, I have never heard anyone argue the point, but it is easily ignored. Cast to the backs of our minds until pain pierces our hearts or wherever else on our list of priorities.

We suffer in different ways, depending on our makeup I suppose, deeper souls might suffer more, maybe because they can bare it, but we all suffer. Even the materialistic, those only concerned about material objects and wealth, they suffer if anything threatens their wealth, they feel it in their pockets and if that is one of lives priorities, it has to hurt.

Each and every time life presents us with a curve ball, something that knocks us off of our feet, we usually suffer in some way, but that’s certainly when we learn. If we don’t learn we can be sure that ball will hit us again as one thing is certain lessons repeat themselves.

It is often in dark times we find silence, we have time to reflect and think about what is going on or within that silence we find ourselves, recognise those mistakes and find what is real in life. I pity those not able to do this, those that live and die without finding themselves.

I often ask myself why, if suffering teaches, why is half of the world suffering when I can’t see what they have to learn. Maybe it is because the suffering of others teaches us something, maybe they suffer in silence hoping the world will wake up and take notice, maybe they are shouting out loud but are not heard. These must be souls that came here to teach us something, living a life of suffering to teach humanity, evolved and higher souls I would imagine, to take on such a task in a world that doesn’t think of much but itself.

Wouldn’t the world be so much better if we all spent some time in silent contemplation thinking about others, not ourselves and our needs but of others. If we are all part of the whole, the suffering going on in the world is happening to all of us and without learning from it, it will keep on repeating until something changes.

I wrote this because I was feeling sorry for myself, it helped me think about how lucky I am.

An Empty Space

December 19, 2016 lizaaitken

Christmas is never the same after you loose someone you love. You go through the motions, you know you have to for those here you still have, but it won’t ever be the same. There are moments you stop, maybe unpacking the decorations, you find yourself sitting staring into space. You are remembering Christmas when you were together, when everything was how it was meant to be. Maybe it’s that old Christmas film or carol being played again, something that sparks memories.

You can still enjoy yourself, still celebrate with the people you have around you, but there is always a space in your heart. There is a space at every table and every party, a void that cannot be filled. But you smile, because you know that’s what they would have wanted, you raise a glass and say their name in a toast. Christmas comes and goes and they are still not here, it is a painful reminder of another Christmas without them.

You find yourself buying things they liked, stand transfixed in the shopping isle when you spot something. You look at other families and want to tell them to make the most of the Christmas they have because you never know how many you have in front of you. You watch the children, the excitement and know that this time is for them. You push you sadness down into the pit of your stomach only to resurface when you are alone with your thoughts, you feel a responsibility towards happiness, you can’t let the side down.

You put up that last card they sent you again, light a candle by their photo and send a prayer. My friend leaves a brandy by the fire, I bring an extra seat to the table, we all have our own rituals that help us through the season.

Every day without someone you love is difficult, some harder than others and we learn to manage. We never forget them but we cope, life goes on and we know we have to live in the real world, but Christmas, when we are constantly reminded of the joy and love of family can be the most difficult time of the year.

To anyone missing a loved one this Christmas, I’m sending you love, you see I understand. I’m wishing you the best Christmas you can possibly muster and hope like every other day of the year, our Christmases, get easier.

The Traumatised Child

December 6, 2016 lizaaitken

The pain of all your suffering

is felt in every verse.

Stretched across the page,

traumatised from birth.

Salty tears are mixed with ink,

and yet invisible.

Telling your story of

childhood not reversible.

Your family don’t know you,

born into original sin.

Your mother turned a blind eye,

just because of him.

I see it in all your tiny cracks,

they’re very clear to me.

You lay down in your writing,

so that all of us can see.

Now you choose to write it down,

a ploy to get it out.

It’s really buried deeper,

won’t come up if you shout.

There are those who look away,

they don’t want to know.

What’s with all the writing,

is there some place you could go.

Believe me when I tell you,

I’ve so much respect for you.

For the days you live right now,

the traumatised child too.

Dedicated to a friend but also to all those who write about early experiences of trauma and pain. I have so much admiration for you, your doing your way and I applaud you from the bottom of my heart.