time

Time Out

May 30, 2017 lizaaitken

I have been taking time out, I’ve been recovering from my house move I suppose and have felt the need just to be. It’s crucial we take time just to be, to put life on hold and be with ourselves for this is where we discover who we are, this is the place we discover our own value.

In all that we do it is important to value ourselves because we are giving of ourselves constantly, and if we don’t value ourselves, then what we give is of little value.

People who work with others, in any capacity but especially on an emotional level have a responsibility to work with themselves, look after themselves and make sure that what they give is of the best quality. We can only ever give what we have, what is within us and if our energy is depleted then it makes sense that what we give is of lesser value.

I think we all expect the person we are going to visit, be it a doctor, accountant, spiritual guru to know what they are talking about, to be on top notch form, to be able to help us in what ever way is necessary. How can they do this if they don’t help themselves, how can they do this if they are racing against time, their own issues and not taking enough time out for themselves.

Yet how many people do we know that actually do this, be it with a supervisor, mentor, guide or just by themselves. How often do we intend to meditate, take a day out or have a treatment just for the good of our souls.

How often is it we actually listen, listen to ourselves or to what the universe is trying to tell us. How often is it we go inside and repair, clean and restore our precious selves. If our bodies are the homes in which our spirits live, isn’t it right we clean and bring them back to health regularly.

My time out can be alone or catching up with a good friend, it can be in silent contemplation or through inspired discussion with a like minded soul. It doesn’t matter how I take my time out, as long as I do, as long as I’m good to myself.

I can only give what I have, I have to love myself and treat myself well in order to be able to give that out. When I do I shine, I sparkle and I can share the energy of that freshness with others.

A Space in Time

May 22, 2017May 22, 2017 lizaaitken

I found the space I needed,

though I didn’t know it at the time.

A space to clear my thoughts away,

a space to give me time.

I didn’t know I was searching,

it quite took me by surprise.

I thought I needed people near,

such space I’d never tried.

But I’m finding myself in openness,

time is mending my heart.

I know that life will wait for me,

be waiting when I start.

I’ve found a little space in time,

a safe space for recovery.

I now know that I’ve needed this,

just took me a while to see.

I thought this place would be boring,

that people I’d need to find.

But I’ve found a piece of heaven here,

it’s so gentle on my mind.

Take Time

May 16, 2017 lizaaitken

Taking time to sit a while,

to contemplate what’s real.

It does’t take an awful lot,

it’s only time that we steal.

Focus on an empty mind,

let thoughts just fall away.

Fall like petals on the wind,

as those branches sway.

To find a space of stillness,

so vast and full of peace.

Just focus on a quiet breath,

let any movement cease.

This time is of the essence,

as so crucial in our lives.

Taking time to just be you,

to rid our lives of strife.

A Matter of Time

January 22, 2017 lizaaitken

If time actually exists, I would imagine it is a reminder of how far we have travelled, of what we have ahead and a reminder of this moment. It would seem there is a time for nature, seasons, tides and light in the universe that connects to our own understanding of time. Like the hands of a clock or face of a sundial, things moves in cycles. Perhaps to show transformation, rebirth and the continuation of things such as nature and energy. Maybe it’s just the connection we have with time in our busy lives that’s wrong? Maybe we should by listening to what time is telling us rather than constantly measuring and racing against it.

~ Liza

Life

December 9, 2016 lizaaitken

Nature teaches us there is a time for life, a time for how long things will live, from flowers, to trees there is usually an expectation. Life is not endless, there is a time to live and a time to die. Given this, every moment is precious, every day brings new possibilities. Flowers do not close because there is a cloud overhead, so why should we?

~ Liza

November 25, 2016November 25, 2016 lizaaitken

We’re told time is of the essence, a fact the whole world knows.

We read the time the same old way, as those days so long ago.

Time’s still measured by the hour, which is sixty minutes long.

Once the hands go round the clock, you know your hour’s gone.

Time here on earth has great control, as it measures everything.

From the minute the bank opens, to how long he might be king.

It can be seen in days and years, a number we spend on the earth.

Counted up on that final day, since the very moment of our birth.

They say that time is all we have and one day it will be to late.

As time runs out on earth too quick, each of us have this fate.

Just a blink and the day has gone, I really don’t know where it goes.

Time is quite extraordinary, in that it always seams to go.

But what if time is all made up, just an idea made of man.

What if there was no such thing, since all of life began.

What if it all happens now, or maybe in some parallel.

From birth and through to dying, honestly who could tell.

What if we turn off the clocks, or simply turn them back.

Would the world stop spinning, would that be the end of that.

What if we just thought of now, for us to get things done.

With no time to worry us, would it be so much more fun.

What if we could travel back, or forward just the same.

Make amends and put things right, even wipe out any pain.

If everything just happens now, and not in some place else .

Wouldn’t now just be space, to make the most of ourselves.

Daily Prompt – Clock

July 25, 2016 lizaaitken

Open yourself up to the glory of today, connect to the energy of the here and now

Let the echoing tic tocks of yesterday’s memories, just be still somehow

Be not wading in the past or pushing for the future but rather here in the moment

Know that yesterday sleeps and tomorrow will wake only when time has spoken

Experience the now, not the shadow of the past or haze of what’s yet to come

Stop watching the clock, dispense with time and be present in the lives of everyone

Time

July 15, 2016July 15, 2016 lizaaitken

It’s scaring me now, you’ve been gone so long,

time passing too quickly, it feels very wrong.

I need to wind back the clocks, to remember the days,

as incredibly clear before you went away.

I’m feeling so frightened, that you’ll leave my mind,

with your face disappearing, then you left behind.

I’m trying to hold on to our time here as clear,

the smells and the touch, I’m just needing you near.

I’m remembering now, love and laughter we shared,

please visit in dreams, I don’t want to feel scared.

Please do get in touch, let me know your still here,

then stop time from moving, it’s nearly two years.

Time

July 12, 2016 lizaaitken

Your glowing face is covered by the shading of the sun

I see your beauty close, is it seen by everyone

Different aspects of you, dance out of your face

Your love along with mystery, desire, wants and grace

Colours in your aura and your energy expands

The diamond on your wrinkled brow, you see I understand

Your heart is warm, full of love and graced with charity

Love shines through your stillness as you gaze across at me

Not long for you in this world now, the time is getting near

But know I love you, my special one, you’ll always be so dear

I will age behind you and my skin will wrinkle too

I’ll follow on in time you know and I will search for you.

Today is Good

July 26, 2015July 26, 2015 lizaaitken

Today is a good day, this weekend has been good and that is because I have had to face up to who I am and what is actually happening to me. I got myself bitten by a bug on Friday, it seemed to give me an allergic reaction of sorts, and I have had a cough and flu like symptoms and felt generally unwell since.

I went for a walk around town yesterday with my friend, I felt poorly. She wanted to check out the charity shops for her Pride costume. I suggested we go into the Martlet’s Hospice, vintage shop, it’s where you might find their special bits and as my friend pointed out, often a little pricier. I walked over to the sales counter and there on the necklace rail was one of my mum’s necklaces. It stopped me in my tracks, like seeing mum there somehow. I looked closer and found there were four of her necklaces hanging there, there was no mistaking mum’s style. I burst into tears and left the shop wiping my eyes as I left, as if it would be all okay if I got away.

I thought back and remembered taking a big bag of her necklaces down to the charity warehouse nine months ago, just after she passed away. As I handed them over I didn’t imagine I would see them again and if I did, quite what the impact would be. They weren’t the best, I kept those and have them hanging around my bedroom. One pearl necklace is wrapped around her ashes on the shelf, mum always wore a necklace, why should that change. Some others went for next to nothing on EBay, I really didn’t know what I was doing in those early days after she left.

I came home yesterday and slept on the sofa for most of the afternoon until I went to bed, I thought if I slept everything would be better, my bug, my emotions, all of me. I cursed that I would get ill on a Saturday, how typical and the sun was shining, I should be out.

Today is Sunday and it is raining hard. It’s certainly not a day to venture out far, although I went out for the ingredients to make a nut loaf for dinner. Mum used to love my nut roast and I don’t believe I have made one since she died nine months ago. I haven’t baked a cake either, I only started baking in the last couple of years of her life and I haven’t had reason since. I told mum I cooked for her with love and by eating my food she would fill up with all the love I had put inside, whatever it might be. Anyway I made that nut loaf, it’s sitting on the side for later and it looks perfect.

I have cried a buckets today, I watched ‘Long Lost Families’ where adopted children finally find their families. I have cried an awful lot today, it’s okay I need to and I think I probably need to cry more. I believe I have been in denial in some way, I just rushed ahead thinking if I kept my head full I would be okay. I wasn’t used to caring for or worrying about me, mum did that.

The weekend Mum died, my stepfather had a heart attack and they discovered cancer in his throat. I collected him from the hospital and brought him home to live with me. We attended mum’s funeral together, that was before he declined too much and needed her wheelchair. Everything was so busy, clearing mums flat, arranging the funeral and looking after Bill that I really didn’t have time to grieve properly. Then on December 28^th, Bill died with my sister and I sitting next to him, trying to help. He had been happy with me, he was looking forward to the summer, but we knew all along it wouldn’t be long. His purpose disappeared after mum died, I think that the cancer just masked his broken heart. Then it was Bill’s funeral to arrange and I had to find work again. I hadn’t worked in nearly two years, caring for mum and Bill so I was in trouble financially. I put my head down and carried on with my life.

I talk to mum and Bill all the time, their pictures and memories surround me in my home, I am cluttered with them and I have never been cluttered before. There isn’t a day I don’t think about them, but I manage these feelings. There ashes sit side by side on my bedroom shelf, him with a tartan ribbon and mum with her pearls. I don’t think it morbid, it is comfortable, I am not ready to let them go yet, I will one day, I’m just not sure when. Most of the time I forget they are there, well their not really.

I have been filling my life with nothingness for the last nine months, I have been trying to carry on, while at the same time feeling ashamed of myself for doing so well. I have been filling the empty gaps so everything will be okay. My food cupboards and fridge are ridiculous, I constantly buy food and then throw it away. If I didn’t buy food for six months, I don’t think I would go hungry. I forever need new clothes and shoes and weekends away. I don’t say no often either, I’m always free to lend a hand, listen to a problem, keep someone company, no problem, of course!

I complain about being too tired to think, too tired to care, I feel more to the point. I think I have lost my passion, dropped it somewhere maybe. I work but have no interest really in what I do anymore, it is just a means to an end. I think I have lost the essence of me, who I am, I think I’m wrapped up in grief and denial.

So today is a good day, because it rained, because it slowed me down and because I cried. I know everyone grieves differently, I have been trying to grieve without grieving. I thought somehow, that if I carried on, it would just get better. I’m going to give myself more time like today, I’m going to face my feelings and give myself time. Today is a good day because I realised that my feelings won’t go away if I ignore them, they will get easier but I am denying myself if I don’t acknowledge the hurt I feel now. If I were to carry on like that I think I would be doing myself an awful disservice.