Tag: pathway

Letter to my Teenage Self

lizaaitken

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My Dear Younger Self,

Stop trying to be so tough, stop trying to fit in and know that you will one day find your place in the world.

Don’t fear rejection in all your relationships, because those that truly love and value you will never leave you. The rejection you feel now is false, he did not leave you, he was a young man himself, he was walking his own path, your paths will cross further down the line. As adults you will gain an understanding and in some way support one another. He is one of your teachers, he is one of your great lessons in life.   Don’t fear rejection in everything you do because of this, believe in yourself as when you believe, others will too.

Don’t doubt your own ability and don’t compare yourself to others because you are one of a kind, you are original as each of us are, find your authentic self and let it shine.  Just be yourself as that is who you are meant to be, do not imitate others as by doing so you will not find yourself.  If you pretend to be something you are not you will only be deceiving yourself and you will gain nothing from deception.

Each experience will help you, because that is what truly gives us an understanding of who we are, how we respond to life and what we learn from its lessons.  Later in life you will work with children damaged by their experiences, your own experiences in life and understanding will help you in this role.  Through your study in this area and helping  young people recover from trauma, you will also be helping yourself.

Some of your challenges will be difficult, you will question your ability to get through them.  Sometimes you will want to give up, throw in the towel, but there’s a fight inside of you that will not let you.  When you see the light of day after the storm, you will realise, it was meant to be.  Sometimes it will feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath you, it will be the breaking down of all you know and you will feel fear.  But that will just be the end of one cycle as each ending will herald a new beginning.  Life is full of transitions, ups and downs, highs and lows.  It is only through these that we recognise happiness and joy.

You have no one to let down but yourself, in truth others want you to succeed, because when you do it gives them hope. Send out love to those that might be envious of your success, as love is the strongest energy and will always overcome spite and envy.  When you set out to accomplish something, do so for yourself, not for what others may or may not think but because it is right for you.  Don’t doubt yourself, that is the only thing in your way.

Choose your companions wisely, do not be fooled by false friends or promises, find the true nature of those who cross your path, trust your intuition. You will make mistakes but I’m not going to wish them away, because through those mistakes you will grow stronger and move forward.  You have a strength that runs through you that needs to be brought to the surface, adversity and difficulties will pull this strength up to the surface where it belongs.

Watch and love your mother, after all is said and done she will be your greatest teacher in life. Your mother is love, she will show you how to love unconditionally.  She will teach you to look out for those weaker than yourself, watch her kindness and emulate it for she will lead you to find your natural caring nature.  Through the parenting you receive from your mother you will understand how to become a parent yourself, take the very best of your experiences and nurture and love your own child in the same way.

Make the most of your mother while you can, because one day she will leave you and that will be truly painful for you.  Make sure you hold nothing back, let her know how you feel and what she means to you, make her proud and give her permission to go when the time is right, because afterwards you will feel better that you did.  Tell people how you feel, don’t ever be afraid to show love.  Be open in friendship and love, in this way you will draw the best of people to you.

Watch out for your ego, don’t let it mask who you really are. The ego grows through doubt and fear, the ego is a tough cookie to crumble.  You will find your ego will follow you throughout your life.  On occasion it may help you in a way, like when you have to walk into a room full of people to argue a point, sometimes you will put on your high heals and lipstick to do this, that is when you are close to your ego.  There will come a time when you grow wiser and you can speak up for yourself and others without having to create a different persona.  You won’t worry about qualifications or academia because you will intuitively know you are right, you will have found the confidence you so lack now.  You will have a practical approach, say it how it is not dress it up behind long words or theoretical ideas.  People will believe you because of your honesty, you will be known for your transparency and sometimes vulnerability.

That voice you hear inside, that’s your intuition, it won’t let you down. If it feels right, it is right even if it does not feel so at the time.  Take note of your intuition, you have an ability to read situations, you know what people are thinking before a word is uttered, you can spot a lie a mile off.  Your natural intuition will draw good people to you because you recognise them, whatever hat they are wearing at the time.  You will find the good in people others cannot see, but also to only look for the good in people, will let you down on occasion, not all come from a good place.  Do not trust everyone you meet, not all souls are walking the same path.

Find time to understand yourself through self enquiry, connect on a deeper level, find the observer inside, the one that watches, for the observer will always be with you.  The observer does not judge, but watches and only in finding this connection can you begin to understand yourself.  Sit in silence and experience the stillness inside of you, meditate on the bigger questions in life. Find the answers you are looking for inside, for you have all the answers as you are connected to all things, you are at one with the universe.

Live in the moment, enjoy each moment without worrying about tomorrow.  Worry or not, what will happen, will happen and you will waste today worrying about tomorrow or longing for yesterday.  Appreciate the small things in life, because life is made up of small things.  But do not put your head in the sand, some things need to be dealt with and will not just disappear into thin air through will alone, some things need working on.

It is like you are asleep now, the world passes you by in your hurry to get somewhere, but you do not see it, you have no time for the wonders of the world around you. You will find that time, one day you will wake up and the world will come alive for you, you will cherish that day and from then everyday will be a new day.

Finally you will find love is the answer, not false love, not love dependant on another but love in its natural state. Love is a prayer, it’s the care you have for others, it’s the way you show this to the world and how you care for yourself. Love does not die and when death comes to pass, know that love crosses all boundaries.

Take care and do your best

Your loving, older and wiser self.

Walks of Life

lizaaitken

I’m not religious as such, well not signed up to any specific religion anyway.  I’m eclectic in my beliefs and take what I like from different schools of thought, religions and ways of life.  I belive in a higher power, something bigger than us, something at the moment, beyond my comprehension.  I don’t think I necessarily need to know what is beyond, just that I am going in the right direction, doing my best and above all making my life worth while.  In a way it’s right that it’s a mystery to us, because given all the answers we would act accordingly and maybe not be as true to ourselves.

If I could invent my own religion, pathway or walk of life as I prefer to say, it would be based on kindness and love.  These qualities are the important aspects I take from other religions, love one another, send out kind thoughts and deeds and look after each other and the planet we live on.  It wouldn’t demand worship as I don’t believe any god would demand worship apart from a recognition and love of the source of from where we come.  Loving ourselves and each other is the key.  Just think if everybody just loved, weapons would be put down, famine would cease and misery would disappear, it’s simple to me love is the only answer, it’s just taking us a long time to work this out.

Religion does fascinate me and I collect little bits and pieces I find along the way.  I have a shelf of religious and spiritual artefacts, they are all mixed up and living nicely alongside one another.  Wouldn’t it be nice if mankind could do the same?

I think there have been many great prophets throughout the ages, they have walked with us and tried to show us the way.  I think there are some great prophets today, those that teach love and peace and I’m sure a few more to come.

I often go and sit in satsang enquiries, buddhist meditations, various church services, shamanism workshops, healing sessions and sign up for all sorts any energy workshops.  I go because in these places I meet nice people and I like to surround myself with good people.  Okay, I do meet some oddballs, like the fairy lady but she’s another story.

As much as all the above interests and fascinates me, I think we are our own best teachers.  We need to experience our real selves, the knowing self inside of us before we can find out answers outside, so it’s important to sit with ourselves, give ourselves space and listen to what’s inside.

I feel we are all connected, that connection runs back to a source which is somehow connected to the universe around us.  I joke about the universe providing, but on a serious note it has not let me down yet so I am trusting in it more and more.

 

Pathways of my Mind

lizaaitken

 

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 I step onto the pathway, I check my footings sure

I’ve taken many turnings, as sure there will be more

Check to see I am grounded, I want to stay on track

I focus where I want to go, I can as easily turn back

I have to watch for pitfalls, my mind I must direct

 To remember where I go, at the time that I reflect

My whole life is pathways, of one sort of a kind

The real and the emotional, so many of my mind

I’ll take another step today, to grow a little more

A pathway will present again, of that I can be sure.

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A sidewalk to me is unfamiliar, I don’t think I’ve ever really used the term even in short the time I spent living in the US and Canada. For todays prompt of I’m changing it to pathway and I hope you’ll forgive me, but pathway is more familiar and I’m not jumping off my pathway to walk the sidewalk 😉

 

Trajectory 

lizaaitken

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                      ~

My trajectory is meaningful,

I’m projected out with force.

In following my pathway,

it can be hard to stay on course.

I think I know the destination,

until a rocket sends me off.

Holding on to my foundations,

and fighting hard to stay aloft.

But so it goes with pathways,

it’s the curves that cause a spin.

In order to remain on track,

we have to search within.

                 ~

 

Is it Over…

lizaaitken

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I really tried to tell you, explain to you my path,
I only wished you listened, you really make me laugh.

Having all the answers, although you didn’t see,
the very subtle changes, that were happening to me.

Drifting up two different roads, traveling separate ways,
I hardly think you noticed, when I was gone for days.

So now you want to real me in, tell me that you care, 
tell me that I have it wrong and you were always there.

Well my love, my golden boy, I really thought you knew,
that you and I and all that jazz, are well and truly through

Soul of the Ocean.

lizaaitken

There are many boats on the ocean. Some of these are small boats, big enough for one fisherman and then there are the larger vessels, such as ocean liners carrying hundreds of passengers.  All are at the control of the tides and the stars and the crossing is not guaranteed.

Some of these boats will last an age, they are the friends of the ocean, built well to work with the water and blow with the wind. The Ocean is in control and the vessels sail and reach their destination with its permission alone. There is not a boat that can control the water, the ocean is the constant thing, the boats come and go.

The ocean’s soul is made up of many who have crossed it. The souls that live in the ocean, those that work with the ocean or encounter it, add their experience to its great depth and vastness.

I think the ocean is a lot like life, we get through it with luck and permission, not by trying to control it.

Meeting Me

lizaaitken

Today I met myself on my way down the hill.  I was retracing my steps and thinking about where I could have gone wrong on the way.  I’m not sure if I was unconsciously trying to find myself or if we just bumped into each other by accident, but it happened as destiny does.

Both rounded the corner at exactly the same time, it was as if the planets were aligned.  I was preoccupied and lost in thought and she was in a hurry to meet him. The moment stretched like an elastic band, pulled and ready to burst.  I saw her touch herself to make sure she was still there. We were both surprised, her more than me I think as surprises lessen as life goes on.

I studied her, the fresh face, the thick, dark curly hair and the air of excitement that she carried. She was in love, it was not long after they had met and she still wore that look of nervous expectation.  I remembered the day well, today the relationship would be sealed.  I looked and remembered how long it had taken her to decide what to wear, I also knew what she had in her overstuffed handbag.  I smiled, I wanted to tell her he wasn’t really worth it, that in the end she would find she didn’t really know him but I couldn’t do that, she would have to find that out herself. She would have ten years of happiness with him anyway, well most of it happy and she would have our beautiful child. I envied her the opportunity to hold our baby once more, the freedom and the life she had in front of her.  She had so many choices to make, so many experiences to grab. I thought back to the day when I had been standing in her shoes and tried to look out of her eyes and find myself, I must have missed this moment last time.  Funny how many things we miss as we rush through life getting to our destination.

A thought jumped into my mind, if she hadn’t seen me when we were here before, what else could change, what if she made different choices. I wanted to know what would happen if she changed the course of events that brought me here now, where would I be if anything changed.  I looked down at myself and prayed I wouldn’t dissolve into nothingness.  I wanted to tell her how to do it right, how to keep me alive, but I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t even remember all of it, life was a whirl back then, full of ups and downs. I wanted to tell her it would be okay, that the tears of her lessons would dry and she would realise that she had her whole life before her.  I wanted her to meet him, he was a big stepping stone to our future, but again I stayed silent.

She looked at me, my thinning hair, dyed to hide to the inevitable grey and extra pounds I carried.  She was such a willow of a girl if only she knew how beautiful she was, if she could only see the light that shone out.  I thought of a number of outfits I could have put on today that might have left a better impression, I didn’t want to scare her.  I imagine she thought I had let myself go and I wanted to tell her how hard it was to remain slim, I wanted to let her know I was only a size 10/12 after all not that much bigger in the scheme of things, just softer in places.  I didn’t utter a word, just stood a little taller and pulled tight on what was left of my stomach muscles. She had a cigarette in her hand and I knew another twenty Marlborough Red in her bag at least, I desperately wanted a drag.  I hadn’t smoked now in years but that moment I was a smoker again.

I thought of what I could tell her, asked myself what lessons she needed, but realised she would probably laugh, after all I was as old as our mum now and when did she ever listen to mum.  I wanted to tell her about all the people that she shouldn’t waste her time on and those that would be with her all the way.  I wanted to tell her how her family were truly her real friends, but she would have to find that out herself. In fact she would have to find it all out herself, as that is what would take her up the hill I had just walked down from. I understood, that it is the challenges that are before her, that will mould her and create the me of today and I couldn’t help her with any of it.

Neither of us had spoken, we just stood transfixed staring at each other in that moment. I smiled gently at her and without a word I walked away. I hoped that my smile conveyed the love I had for her, the love that I had for myself.

I didn’t turn around as I walked back up the hill again, I knew at some stage she would follow me.

Pathway

lizaaitken

 

Every one is looking for a someone to point them in the right direction, right? We all know there is something more out there or something deep inside of each of us, available but just out of our grasp. If only we could find the way, become enlightened, awaken, reach nirvana, perfect ourselves and win the ultimate prize.

Spirituality is a big and booming industry, with new pathways created daily by gurus who promise big answers. Each and every one of these, has the right answer and at a cost but what is money when enlightenment awaits?

Why the search, why are so many of us desperately seeking the truth? Will it will make everything good in our lives, just maybe we won’t have to come back and do it all again if we get the answers right this time! Maybe we want to find a connection to those that have passed, there are probably million and one reasons, which are different for each of us. One of the main reasons for this search, I think, is fear, belief that there is something else that we are missing and fear that missing this will leave us incomplete.  Fear that there isn’t really anything else and a deep hope that there is.

I think the reason these spiritual models and pathways have so many followers is because people feel they get more from the trappings of a group, ritual in community is powerful. Iconography is also important because people find it easier to believe if surrounded by icons of belief, crystals, crosses, Buddhas and the like, something to worship and hold on to.

I believe the best person out there to assist us with our pathway here is our own true authentic selves. No one else in the universe has the key to our own inner workings or understanding of our souls experience than what we have ourselves. We and only we hold this key, and this key will only turn for us. I feel we have to reach a place where we connect with pure love, where we find ourselves to be pure love, but thats only my own feeling, I am still on my journey here and have a lot still to discover.

What I do know, I’m not sure how, but I know only we, truly understand our paths here, even if forgotten for the moment or buried deep in our subconscious, I think it is our fundamental task in life to realise the purpose of our stay.

I also feel that in order to grow we need to ask questions and explore what comes up. If we have aspirations to connect with anything higher, it is essential to talk with like minded people here, have philosophical discussions and search for what feels right. Talk to spirt, talk to our higher selves and talk to the trees if they really help us find the answers. To grow here we need to find our own truth, question and build upon that truth until we meet our own understanding.

I don’t want to fit in with any particular teaching and don’t believe it’s right for me, I want to learn about them all and take from them what feels right. I suppose I could be described as eclectic in my beliefs and that feels right for now, others may feel safer connected with a group. I don’t think any of us have the answers, the puzzle would be solved if we did, and therefore the purpose of our stay here met.

Faith should be redefined, faith is moving, living and acting to what we know to be true, allowing for change and being open to new ideas. Seek inwardly, though meditation, through connection with nature, through whatever assists. Seek outwardly, keep our eyes open, listen and open up to fresh ideas.

I believe we are all spirit, all souls and have always been this way. We live here now in our earthly bodies but we can, if we look find our true selves. We could start by looking at ourselves, looking in the mirror, looking deep into our own eyes and beyond and asking ourselves if we are acting as best we can, surely thats the purpose. Do we act on a daily basis as the spiritual people we want to be, do we follow our own calling.

Lastly live the fullness of life that we can on earth and enjoy the journey, while watching and waiting, but not by being to busy searching for the destination that we miss the beautiful moments of each day.