Author: lizaaitken

Mother, daughter, sister, cat owner/slave. Thoughtful about life and trying to make it worthwhile.

A Temporary Stay

lizaaitken

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I’m renting at the moment, it’s temporary. I’m renting a flat while I take a breather, plan for the future and set myself up, but it’s certainly temporary.

Life is temporary, we are here for just a while and yet our spirit is infinite, our spirit continues long after this life. We travel through many lives, what seems to us a lifetime is just a temporary stop off, like another lesson in school. We enter the classroom, absorb what is being taught, store it somewhere, gather our things and go onto the next lesson.

I like the flat I’m renting, it’s new, modern and spacious. I’m on the balcony at the moment, I just love having an outside space. I don’t like the town of Worthing, it’s not my sort of place, the people are not my people, it’s hard to explain but Brighton is more my vibe. Brighton is full of interesting people, vibrant, weird and wonderful. I can find stimulating conversations on every corner, art and music are just a stones throw and the food choices are huge. I tried to find a good bakers today, I’ll go into Brighton tomorrow and while I’m there, I’ll go to Infinity Foods and stock up on essentials.

We could be born anywhere, each time a different place or keep returning to the same place time after time. I think we are involved in choosing but we might also be drawn back for reasons, unfinished business or to continue a lesson. We might stay up to a hundred years, maybe longer, often shorter but it is still only temporary compared to continued existence of the soul.

I can cope with living in Worthing, I have space and I need space, I’m minutes from the sea and the beaches are not covered with tourists. The sea smells of seaweed and not beer and candy floss, that’s certainly a plus. I am fourteen miles from Brighton and can go in any time I need a fix, my son lives in Brighton.

If we look at life as temporary and break it down into parts, we can see it is all temporary. The good times and the bad, nothing lasts forever and it’s good to make the best of what we have for as long as we have it because the tides will change and another lesson will present itself. Each time life presents us with challenges, welcome them and know they are temporary, that they are there to teach us and they won’t last, brighter days are just around the next bend.

Temporary

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017

 

Me Bitter?

lizaaitken

I’m not bitter,

that it could have been me.

For not one tiny second,

now don’t you see.

 

I’m raging inside,

although you can’t tell.

No one can see,

that I’m living in hell.

 

It was a bitter pill,

the day I let you win.

As it’s only for me,

that you now have him.

 

You’re sweetness and light,

yes I can see,

too much sugar,

he could of had me.

 

You’ll bore him to tears

with your ideas,

I would have amused him

for many a year.

 

Bitterness

never helped put things right.

you won him fair,

I’ll give up the fight.

~

Bitter

By the way this is a joke post, it didn’t happen!

 

Bitterness

lizaaitken

Being bitter over things does us absolutely no good at all, in fact it’s harmful, it eats us up inside and can potentially make us ill.  It’s proven that stress causes illness, I’ve seen this first hand and I’m sure bitterness, spite, anger and any negative emotions will do the same.

If we are what we think, then it makes sense that negative emotions will have a negative affect on our bodies. Probably more than that, how many things do we carry from life to life, pain and unresolved issues that cause difficulty in this life, block us from moving forward.

In one of my past life regressions I saw myself as a young vibrant woman, full of passion. I moved on in that life to the point of her death and saw an old bitter and twisted woman. I don’t know any more about what happened in that life, but I saw that bitterness did her no good. I had no time for the old woman, although one of my past lives, I felt detached and if I’m honest, repulsed. Maybe that’s why in this life I don’t like bitterness, maybe I learnt my lesson but maybe again I didn’t.

Recently a friend let me down, someone I thought I could rely on and although I had many more friends around me supporting me, I couldn’t help but feel a little bitter. My mind kept jumping to this person, I kept thinking about their broken promises, lies they had told, and you know it didn’t do me any good, it ate me up. Luckily I recognise this quickly and let it go, I sent out love and good wishes.

We are what we think, if bitter, then we are bitter inside and that’s not a nice thought. I’d much rather be full of love and happiness so that’s what I choose to give out. Imagine for a moment the difference between bitterness and love, can you see the difference when you visualise the two, are you with me?

We are and grow into what we think and do, it’s important to keep this in mind. Squash any negative thoughts as they surface, acknowledge and understand them but don’t hold on to them. If people do us harm send them love because it is by far the stronger emotion.

There is a time and a place for bitterness and for me the only bitterness that’s worth trying is bitter lemon in your gin or any recipe with lemon, dark chocolate or another bitter ingredient complimented by something sweet!

~

Bitter

Exposing Myself 

lizaaitken

I haven’t any curtains yet, 

so there I’m a little exposed.

If you look into my windows, 

I won’t necessarily pose.

My place is nice and tidy, 

I like to keep it clean.

But then I suppose I should, 

as it’s likely to be seen.

If you think that you can see me, 

know I see you too.

I won’t twitch behind the curtains, 

I’ll stare right back at you!

~

Exposed

To be Exposed

lizaaitken

It’s not so bad to be exposed,

as it’s really just being real.

Trouble is it takes us a while,

to understand what we feel.

We need to feel true confidence,

to know we speak the truth.

Takes some time to build it up,

it’s not something of our youth.

When we reach a place in time,

that we really know ourselves.

Worry not of what others think

or have fear of being exposed.

~

Exposed

 

Could I have done better?

lizaaitken

It’s human nature to ask ourselves if we could have done better. We constantly doubt ourselves, question our own integrity, kindness and sometimes love. This is even more prevalent when we loose someone or something, grief has a way of making us doubt ourselves, punish ourselves for not being perfect all the time. We forget that we are only human, we are not in any way perfect.

My friend lost his cat last night, it had been ill a few days and last night went out into the garden to die. My friend was devastated and said he should have taken him to the vet earlier, taken more notice and booked an emergency appointment, in a way blaming himself for Sammy’s death. I’ve done this, I dropped a large dish from the cupboard, which crashed and made the bang that finally burst the tumour on my cats heart. I berated myself for not being more carful, for causing the bang which ended her life. Truth was, she had been ill for some time, I had always lavished her with love and attention. She had a cancerous tumour on her heart and she would never have lasted forever. It seems natural that we question and often blame ourselves in times of distress.

After the loss of someone we love we ask ourselves why we didn’t do more, why we couldn’t have been better, we think back on times where we put our own needs first and it’s incredibly painful. Truth is, as I said before, we are human, we make mistakes but with that we do an incredible amount of good. If we do the best we can given the circumstances, we are doing our best.

Sometimes we don’t realise how close to the end of someones life we are, we tire if we are constantly caring for them, we might get irritable or short tempered. It’s only after they have passed that we realise how little time we had and regret those moments of weakness. We tend to push back the good we did and feel terrible for the moments we were not so on the ball.

We can’t be perfect all the time, we have good and bad moments, times where we are not so wonderful as we would like to be. We get tired, we don’t hear or see what’s happening and sometimes our own needs get in the way.

I can rest knowing that I did the best I could for those I’ve lost, I recognise where I might have done better but at the time I didn’t realise how little time I had. I needed to sleep, eat and look after myself too. I know one hundred percent that they felt loved, I know they felt cared for and held in mind, even at times I wasn’t there. I also know they recognised the pain I was suffering because of there impending death. I know they know I did my best, so I’m not going to beat myself up by continually questioning if I could have done better.

To show love, care and kindness every day, is truly the best we can do. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow and can’t live a life of just in case.

~

Better

Lifestyle 

lizaaitken

Should I keep up with the neighbors, 

do all the things that they do?

If they get new garden furniture, 

you think I should get some too?

If I emulate the people around me, 

could I ever really be me?

To copy the lifestyle of others, 

well at least the bits I can see.

I know that I’d rather be unique, 

where my choices are my own.

When I walk into my house, 

know that I’ve really come home.

I don’t want to be like everyone else, 

I hope they don’t want to be me.

As my lifestyle is quite particular, 

it suits nobody else but me.

~

Lifestyle