From the Heart
Slowly I am beginning to understand my life purpose
Buried emotions of experiences coming to the surface
I find myself a channel, philosopher and dreamer
With messages to share, maybe become a redeemer
Gently opening as a flower to reach my full bloom
Giving hope and charity, to love where there’s room
And the universe conspires to provide me what I need
By signposting my direction throughout the life I lead
My special girl of twenty six, an angel here the earth
Special needs and damaged brain, suffering from birth
With Epilepsy that’s getting worse, your fitting more and more
It’s not controlled, they’ve given up, say sudden death for sure.
.
I wonder why you came here, came to earth in such a mess
But then I answer as I ask, you were born to set this test
For us to understand you, give time and show we care
To give you tiny bits of pleasure, in a life so hard to bare.
.
Your clearly a very special child, an angel from above
We’re very blessed to have you, you taught us how to love
So my very darling special one, I think we passed the test
Your life was not for nothing, we learnt to be our best.
.
When you go home to the angels, in light and lots of love
Know we’ll think of you each day and hear your song above
You’ll never be forgotten, by those whose life you touched
Tell the angels that we passed the test and loved you very much.
.
This silly little rhyme cannot express the feelings I have for the young woman I’m thinking about. She has had the most difficult life, traumatised from early abuse from birth until she was taken into care and has since suffered from mental health and epilepsy.
She was fostered by my best friend as a very young child, we worked together in residential and my friend could not bare to leave her there, wanting to give her the opportunity of a family. It was only going to be for a short while and it was never easy, but my friends an angel too you see. My friend has given up a lot for this child and it has caused huge problems with her own family but she is nothing if not determined and resilient.
Although K has grown up, she still functions around four. To see her breaks my heart but also makes me feel very blessed to have known her. I’m her sort of aunty and she knows I think she is very special.
The consultants now say they can do no more for the seizures and she will likely pass with sudden death. I’m finding this incredibly difficult to come to terms with. Not that I wish her a long life as it is, but because she has been denied so much. The only way I can make any sense of this is to think of her as an angel who has come here to teach us how to be the best we can.
She’s in care so I won’t say her name apart from call her K, but if you read this and it touches you in any way, please send her love and know it will get there.
You are the inspiration that I channel as I write
In between, when I’m asleep, you visit me at night
Can I convey with accuracy, interpreting as I do
I do my best to express, the messages from you
If only I had bigger words, to get across the point
It worries me a little bit, that I should disappoint
Am I unpredictable, I seem to come and go
But you return to me again, I think that you would know
Are you really truly there, I guess it could be me
A higher self, the one that knows, suppose I’ll wait and see
I know your right behind me, you’re only out of sight
I feel your presence often, it feels so very right
You walk across my forehead, gently touching me
I think a bug, then realise, it’s you I just can’t see
I asked you to come back to me, before you went away
It was my only option, because you had to go that day
So you visit me now quite often, your always very near
I hear you and I feel your love and hold that very dear
If only I could see you now, would that fulfil my dream
To touch you and to talk to you, that would be supreme
I’m happy that you come at all, it fills me up with joy
To know that you’re still by my side, my gentle little boy
It’s scaring me now, you’ve been gone so long,
time passing too quickly, it feels very wrong.
I need to wind back the clocks, to remember the days,
as incredibly clear before you went away.
I’m feeling so frightened, that you’ll leave my mind,
with your face disappearing, then you left behind.
I’m trying to hold on to our time here as clear,
the smells and the touch, I’m just needing you near.
I’m remembering now, love and laughter we shared,
please visit in dreams, I don’t want to feel scared.
Please do get in touch, let me know your still here,
then stop time from moving, it’s nearly two years.
I dreamt you were dead, withered and dry
You left me alone without saying goodbye
Shrivelled and drooped you gave up on us
No longer proud, with strength I could trust
Your sweetness of smell, turned to a musk
Blood red of your colour, now memory just
My nightmare continues, it goes on and on
I can’t say goodbye, I’ve loved you so long
Tears they will fall, the memories may fade
But not for the moment, we still have today
Then on the compost, you’ll come back again
Feeding the good earth, how you’ll remain
But just for tonight, please stay here with me
My roses, my beauties, you showed love to me
The tides are finally changing, the day is coming near
Time to put ourselves away, to hold our loved ones dear
The earth is being questioned now, can we get it right
Have we really played our parts or put it out of sight
The ozone is depleting and the rain forests so small
Time to make the changes, for the good of one and all
So shall we come together, for the good of all mankind
The creatures and wildlife we will also bare in mind
To recycle all our bits and bobs, put away our pride
It’s only us can do it now, we have to turn the tides
So every individual, can take this challenge on
We need to make the future sure and need to make it long
A storm in my mind and wind through my soul
Gales blowing through, destroying what’s old
Washing the particles, that are no longer me.
An explosion of laughter, I love what I see.
…
A tempestuous bang and an almighty crack
My surroundings light up, it’s not an attack
I clearly see now, through the eye of the storm
Those outdated attachments, I no longer adorn
…
The currents are settling, the swell it subsides
The emotions I had, washed out with the tides
Turbulence vanished, a smooth ride in sight
It’s all now a memory, I move on with my life.
I really can’t stop writing, to cease would be a shame.
To me it feels like therapy, it’s more than just a game.
I’d love to be a writer, to fill the world with words.
Share my thoughts on love with you, move my soul onwards.
I write with such simplicity, with honesty and truth.
Because you like my simple posts, I’m so endeared to you.
I write a small child might do, with wonder and delight.
With thoughts that spring in my head, late into the night.
I’m on a writers journey, the evidence is clear.
This journey is the best I’ve had, it’s all so very dear.
In another lifetime, I might have started long ago.
An honest scribe as my guide, to teach me as I go.
Open yourself up to all life has to say.
Scatter the petals of your love each day.
Radiate outwards by reaching within.
As each new sun rises and each day begins.
lizalizaskysaregrey 