From the Heart
Who do you see when you look into the mirror, do you recognise yourself as the person you have always been or is there a new and deeper image coming through now. How closely are you looking at yourself, can you look beyond the outer surface and see and feel your own heart? Does love you give out shine back at you through your reflection? If not, wipe the mirror and look again.
~ Liza
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
Do you ever feel that you understand something but can’t quite put it into words. The concept is bigger than words allow, it’s just a knowing and that knowing is magnificent in itself. I think this might be linked to what is described as a sort of spiritual awakening. You begin to live life with a different understanding, nothing has changed on the outside but somewhere inside of you, at the core of your existence, everything is different. You are still living the life you always have, with the same friends and family around you, although something has shifted and that something, you can’t quite put it into words.
You look at everything differently now, you see things as if through fresh eyes. Nature has never looked so beautiful, your drawn to art of all kinds and revel in dance, poetry and philosophy. You blend with your surroundings, they become you, and you them, you recognise oneness. You switch off the television and cancel the papers, life is now full of questions that can’t be answered by anyone else. Space and time for your self are an important commodity, you find silence to be almost musical and necessary for your peace of mind. You make new connections, people come into your life as if by chance but you know they are meant to be, others leave in the same way. Love becomes real for what seems like the first time and you understand the immenseness of the feeling, to love is to live. It becomes obvious that love is the answer to all of the problems in the world as love is caring, love is a prayer and thought for someone or something and has the ability, if given the chance, to conquer all ills.
I started to see and feel life differently after a couple of very difficult years. I went through a period of immense trauma including a number of significant losses, that pushed me towards introspection, I needed to know who I was, I was searching for purpose. The shift wasn’t immediate it took time but I could never now be the same person I was once. Of course there are elements of the old me, I’m still the same but my answers are different now. I’m softer, I give myself time and I don’t aspire to be anything other than the best me I can be, I recognise myself as a student, I’m learning and have lots to learn. I am as what can only be described as searcher, I’m looking for answers, but on the other hand I know some of these answers are too big for me to comprehend at the present moment.
People wake up in different ways, it’s usually a big event, a near death experience, a life changing event, whatever it is usually the breaking down of all we knew and relied on, the Tower in the tarot deck explains this well. I’m not saying I’m awake, I’m probably far from it, but I’m on the path towards it, which is a much better place than I was in.
I don’t know why I wrote this today, I think I want to hear about the experience of others. If your reading this and reach the end without zoning out, what does it say to you, how can you relate? I’m having a deep Sunday here in the UK, whatever your doing I hope it’s beneficial 🙂
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
It can take us a lifetime to understand the real meaning of love in our lives. For a number of people to find, live in and become love is their very purpose here. Like the foliage on a tree that transforms into a beautiful picture of warmth and love before it dies, we too radiate love out into the world once we know and understand it.
~ Liza
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
Take me to those lofty heights,
up there in the clouds
Where you and I can be alone,
away from all the crowds.
Sprinkle me with fairy dust
and take me by the hand.
Lead me to that special place,
in that secret wonderland.
Kiss me like your hungry,
devour me with your eyes.
Hold me tight for all eternity,
drown out all my cries.
Take me to those lofty heights,
the place where we belong.
Take me while I’m dreaming,
that you might come along.
*
Responce to Daily Prompt – Lofty
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
I hear the echoes of you voice
in nearly everything I do
and when I’m undecided,
I’ll refer the choice to you.
There is reflection of your beauty
in everything I see.
I feel your touch another way,
soft and caressing me.
I remember the lessons taught to me,
I’m still learning as I go,
but found them really helpful,
which really goes to show.
You knew I’d need you when you left,
so left memories for me.
Your energy still lingers here,
lights up everything I see.
And then you know I feel your love,
when I’m sitting still.
Suppose you send it through me,
you have the strongest will.
I will never forget you
because you never really left.
We continue now another way,
I think we’ve passed the test.
Of knowing love continues,
transforms but never dies.
Love is all around us now,
we just can’t see it with our eyes.
*
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
Did my heart once burn so fiercely,
I feel it caught alight,
with a hot and burning passion,
lovers entwined at night.
Did we once climb to the stars,
flying through the sky,
I remember when we landed,
the day we said goodbye.
Those flames of days so long ago,
would once again ignite,
if you’d only call me up,
please call me up tonight.
I smoulder when I hear you name,
like embers in a fire,
I haven’t had enough of you,
of you I’ll never tire.
So light the candle in my heart,
put in on your alter,
give me please just one more chance,
my love will never falter.
*lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
Have you been here before little one, I think to myself as I watch you play. Lost in your own world as you sit in the corner of the room with your toys. The sun steams through the window upon you, as if lighting you up for the world, but you my darling, are lost in your imaginings and I am impossible to see.
I try to connect to your thoughts, link in with your world but it is impossible to reach that place in childhood that is just too innocent and wonderful for adults to enter. The cat lifts her head from the sofa and looks at me, I must have disturbed her but you my lovely one, are still lost in the wonder of your toys.
I want to cry as I hold you in my sight, my love for you being so strong. I feel a tear upon my face but I don’t brush it away, letting it fall into your world. I think this love will last forever, I feel it throughout my being. From the moment you were born, the love I felt for you became part of me, it defines me, it explains my very existence.
I roll a marble across the floor in your direction, it rolls to the left of you and stops. I see you momentarily glance at it before resuming play. You are not interested in the marble today. I sit in my chair in the bay of the window and watch you, I have all the time in the world.
Your play is disturbed by the sound of the ice cream truck, playing its tune as it turns the corner of the street. You stand for a moment, coming closer to the window, to watch the truck go past. Do you remember your first ice cream, sitting as you did in your high chair with chocolate ice cream everywhere? Oh how we laughed, there are pictures of it somewhere, your chocolate kisses all over my face. We must get granny to sort them out for you, they will make you laugh.
As if by magic granny enters the room, your warm smile greeting her. You throw your doll to the corner and run into grannies arms, to be picked up and swirled around. The cat lifts itself and stretches, it’s dinnertime and she too wants to be noticed.
In grannies arm you head to the mantle piece to look at the photographs displayed. Granny gently touches my picture as she does every day and tells you again about your mummy who loved you very much. You listen again as you do every day and kiss her eyes and cheeks. Although she is smiling we can both see the sadness in grannies eyes as she talks of me, keeping me alive in the memories.
Granny does not notice you as you point to the chair in the window I am sitting upon but I do.
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
Today I’ll meditate on love,
a love that’s hard to find.
It seems to come right down the list,
on most of humankind.
For wealth’s a bigger topic,
that seems to be the way.
My wish to see more love out there,
I’d love to find it today.
Why is the world so insular,
why do we have these walls.
If we were more kind and loving,
there’d be enough for all
So today I’ll meditate on love,
the love I want to find
I hope that others join me,
those out there who are kind.
*
lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
We have to become what we want in the world. If we want love we need to become love, give love and only see love. The world at the moment is in need of love. When we come together with a common goal anything is possible. The world is full of those that follow the masses. It’s time to mass together to create an abundance of love, massive love.
~ Liza
Lizalizaskysaregrey©2016
Today I got notification that I had published 500 posts on WordPress! That’s amazing, I would imagine most of them are in the last few months or this year because before this I wasn’t at all serious about blogging. I started my blogging journey by writing a letter to my mother who was at the time seriously ill with an incurable lung disease. I was struggling to come to terms with the fact that she wouldn’t be around for too long. After mum passed away I lost any ability to do much at all, I was frozen but gradually I started to write again. Writing helps me work myself out, I answer my own questions, change my mind and answer them again. I like to write poems, some silly ones that make me laugh and some deeper. I love spiritual philosophy and use my blog to share my own philosophy.
Today I would like to republish my first ever post in celebration of the journey and celebration of my mother who continues to be my inspiration.
My Mothers Love
Mum, I have always written in your cards that I love you with all my heart, and I do, I love you deeply with my whole being. I want to try and explain my love for you but it’s not an easy task talking about an emotion that is invisible yet at the same time tremendously powerful. I have not experienced life without your love so its hard to fathom what that might feel like, maybe a big empty hole, falling forever with no attachment to bind me. Thinking back, I remember you used to say to us as children ‘I love you with all my heart and I did right from the start’. I imagined, as a small child when you said it, you meant the start of time, because that’s how big, warm and safe it felt. When I tell you I love you it does not seem enough, those are words used by everyday people and you are not an everyday person, you are so much more. I could write about my love and appreciation for you until there were no trees left on the earth and a mountain of paper, covering the horizon and blocking out the sun and moon, but I’m not sure I could capture the words, I’m not sure there really are words in this world.
Your very poorly now and carry so much pain and yet you are so incredibly brave, you don’t dwell on that bastard illness, you fight it with that huge spirit of yours. When you first got ill the doctors said at that stage you had no time left, but you were never having that, and went about visualising my sister Laura and I inside your lungs with cloth caps and brooms, sweeping out all the bad, singing as we worked and by some miracle we did it, you improved. We know that it wasn’t really a miracle, it involved the power of thought, coupled with determination, and we know really it worked because of the magic of the love we share. You are so brave, you sing to yourself now to help you to breathe easier and make the pain go away, you tell yourself, believe and sing about how happy and lucky you are. In my minds eye, I can see you stooped and in awful pain struggling as you walk towards Green Lane singing your little song ‘I’m so happy’, it makes me want to cry, you crazy, wonderful, beautiful woman! You see yourself dancing at Claude’s wedding, it’s a long way off but your sheer determination might get you there.
From the day I was born I know without a shadow of a doubt, that you have loved me every moment. I know that you think of me shortly after waking, throughout the day and last thing at night. Your love keeps me safe, I know that you think I am special and I can never really be lonely or lost in any way with your love around me. I can’t describe to you how wonderful it has been to be in receipt of your love, it’s like I won the lottery of life having you as my mum. You have always put me and Laura first, there is not anything you would not give up for your girls and grandchildren, you would go to the ends of the earth and back for each of us. We know you would genuinely die for us, that you feel our pain every bit as much as we do and would willingly carry it for us. It is lucky for all of us that you also share our joy, and our achievements are your best achievements.
Small things give you pleasure, being with your family, being together, sharing a meal and celebrating. I get that now and it is what is important to me too, I wish I had understood that sooner. You have a silly way of looking at us, full of love and pride, it used to embarrass me, now I embrace it. I am turning into you in a little way, I hear you speaking when I speak to my son sometimes but your shoes are too big for me, I could never fit into them. If only I could be as selfless and giving as you, more spiritual and less materialistic. I am trying, as to be a fraction as good a person as you would be amazing.
You are the most giving person and you are gentle and kind, passionate and full of empathy for others. You’re interested in people, not in a nosey way but with concern, you share the troubles and joys of others, you grieve and celebrate and above all try to understand. Your love is as big as the world and as warm as the sun and everybody who has ever known you would agree, we know there is a lot of love for Jean!
I speak to you every day, about six times occasionally but always more than once. We are sometimes deep and meaningful and make sense of the world, put it to rights but often we talk complete mindless rubbish. I know how much it means to you and that talking to your girls keeps you going especially now that awful illness is taking over more and more we are your lifeline and what keeps you going. Mum, I have been meaning to say, you must change that voice mail message, I will help.
I’m frightened sometimes mum, I’m frightened of losing you, of not hearing your voice anymore of not making you laugh. You might have years left, your spirit is still young, but I don’t want to leave it at that without telling you how special you are and how much you have given me. I know that one day you will leave me for a while but you will always be there too, it’s what we believe and we will still talk, I’m absolutely sure of it. You will just be in the next room, the door to that room will not be immediately accessible to me and take me some time to find, but I will find it and you will be waiting there for me.
Your love grows and spreads everywhere, you gave me and taught me empathy and I only work with troubled children now because of the understanding I got from you. You showed me how to reach out to others, really listen and be interested enough to do something to help. How to love, care, communicate and understand the needs of others, understanding the troubles and be there. I’m sure your love is catching and I hope everybody comes down with it. I am blessed to have you as my mum, the children I have worked with have benefitted in a small way because you are my mum.
Your beauty has no comparison in this world, the first sunrise, the deepest colour, the saddest song, and the brightest flower all diminish in your shadow. I was right, there are not words to tell you how I feel, it’s big and warm and makes me cry and laugh at the same time. I won the lottery that’s for sure, I probably jumped a few lifetimes with what you have managed to teach me and the world is a better place for having you in it.
I know that for as long as I live and long after I will be loved by you, and that love comes back at you mum, a million times.
Thank you mum
What was your first blog post?
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