It doesn’t really matter what branch we are on because at the very end of each branch the sun rises and the moon sets.
Tag: spiritual
Going Home
She walked down the cobbled pathway towards toward her childhood home, she hadn’t been back in years and yet it looked just the same. The shiny cobbles the rain had washed and shined for her arrival, the blossom floating between the cobbles, knocked from the tree in the shower sparked memories of days gone by. A rainbow appeared to arch the ally down the hill to the small house where she had been brought up. Didn’t that signify a pot of gold, she certainly hoped so.
She was looking for herself, she was in search of what was constant inside of her, what was true. She had changed so much since she left the village, travelled the world and met so many people she felt that she had been moulded into something else completely. She wanted to find her essence in all the confusion of life and had felt a pull to return to where it began if she were ever to find the truth.
She wanted to find what was real, not just thought, fear or judgement but real and constant. She knew she had to come back to the village, experience the peace of the place and still her mind. She took a deep breath and slowly let it leave her body as she took a step closer to the house at the end of the lane.
Her therapist had asked her what in her life was constant and she hadn’t been able to answer. She thought it was something about who she really was and might be discovered in returning to where she had come from at the very beginning of her life. The place she had felt safe in, the place in which she had been allowed to be her natural and authentic self.
Now she knew she had to let go of yesterday and the city, let all the thoughts go past. Accept and let them pass, she did’t want to dwell on them, she didn’t want to loose track of why she was here. She looked down at her feet, connecting to the earth and step by step moved closer to home.
The gate still hung from the rickety post, she lifted the latch and pushed it open stepping onto the path. Flowers framed the pathway to the front door, smiling up at her as she passed them, welcoming her home. The door was still green, a slightly deeper shade but green non the less. She put her hand on the brass handle, feeling the warmth of the metal in her palm. She took another deep breath, opened the door and stepped through.
She was in the parlour, it was exactly how she had remembered although she didn’t want to think she wanted to still her mind. The same old comfy chair was in the middle of the room and she stepped towards it and sat, hands open on her lap. Her mind was still and her heart was open as she sat there waiting, watching and listening. She saw herself sitting, she watched as thoughts passed by in trickles, she let them go, detaching herself from anything outside of herself. For the first time in a long time she felt at one with herself, she wasn’t watching herself anymore she was connected to her true self, her essence. She felt love and realised she was love, love was all there was, love was her constant. She was at one with the watcher inside, the self that accepted without judgment, she was home.
A breeze blew through her hair and she opened her eyes from her meditation and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She uncrossed her legs and stretched up with her arms, it was always good to go home and get away from the city.
The Chase
I thought I saw mum, I was ecstatic, I hadn’t seen her in so long. I ran to her quickly, I was running down a hill to where she stood but didn’t really notice my steps keeping my eyes upon her should she move. I reached her in no time and instantly I could see I was mistaken, I was distraught. There was a likeness, defiantly in build and hair style and colouring but she just didn’t have mums beauty or light. Then as I stood thinking about the comparison, mum ran past a few feet away. I took chase, knowing as I did that I had little chance of catching her. She flew across the ground and she looked to be heading back up the hill I had just travelled down from. I hadn’t noticed the big stone steps as I had come down minutes earlier. This time it was definitely her, I saw her beauty and light. She was dressed in a brightly coloured costume gown with a fancy head dress upon her head. I fleetingly wondered how she could bare it, she hated anything on her head and that dress was awfully long to run so fast in. The dress was cut out at the back, gathering just below the waist. I could see it was mum, her tapered back and tiny waist so familiar. I knew for sure because I had seen her lithe and beautiful body all my life, I had cuddled that waist many times, reaching up as a small child does. Her skin was soft and shiny and looked to be touched by the sun. I felt hopeless, she was going far too fast and I had little hope of catching her. I shouted out for her but my voice got lost in the crowd or didn’t leave me. She stumbled and dropped something, turning and stooping to pick whatever it was up. I clearly saw her gentle face as she turned. This was my chance to reach her – I woke up.
Pathway
Every one is looking for a someone to point them in the right direction, right? We all know there is something more out there or something deep inside of each of us, available but just out of our grasp. If only we could find the way, become enlightened, awaken, reach nirvana, perfect ourselves and win the ultimate prize.
Spirituality is a big and booming industry, with new pathways created daily by gurus who promise big answers. Each and every one of these, has the right answer and at a cost but what is money when enlightenment awaits?
Why the search, why are so many of us desperately seeking the truth? Will it will make everything good in our lives, just maybe we won’t have to come back and do it all again if we get the answers right this time! Maybe we want to find a connection to those that have passed, there are probably million and one reasons, which are different for each of us. One of the main reasons for this search, I think, is fear, belief that there is something else that we are missing and fear that missing this will leave us incomplete. Fear that there isn’t really anything else and a deep hope that there is.
I think the reason these spiritual models and pathways have so many followers is because people feel they get more from the trappings of a group, ritual in community is powerful. Iconography is also important because people find it easier to believe if surrounded by icons of belief, crystals, crosses, Buddhas and the like, something to worship and hold on to.
I believe the best person out there to assist us with our pathway here is our own true authentic selves. No one else in the universe has the key to our own inner workings or understanding of our souls experience than what we have ourselves. We and only we hold this key, and this key will only turn for us. I feel we have to reach a place where we connect with pure love, where we find ourselves to be pure love, but thats only my own feeling, I am still on my journey here and have a lot still to discover.
What I do know, I’m not sure how, but I know only we, truly understand our paths here, even if forgotten for the moment or buried deep in our subconscious, I think it is our fundamental task in life to realise the purpose of our stay.
I also feel that in order to grow we need to ask questions and explore what comes up. If we have aspirations to connect with anything higher, it is essential to talk with like minded people here, have philosophical discussions and search for what feels right. Talk to spirt, talk to our higher selves and talk to the trees if they really help us find the answers. To grow here we need to find our own truth, question and build upon that truth until we meet our own understanding.
I don’t want to fit in with any particular teaching and don’t believe it’s right for me, I want to learn about them all and take from them what feels right. I suppose I could be described as eclectic in my beliefs and that feels right for now, others may feel safer connected with a group. I don’t think any of us have the answers, the puzzle would be solved if we did, and therefore the purpose of our stay here met.
Faith should be redefined, faith is moving, living and acting to what we know to be true, allowing for change and being open to new ideas. Seek inwardly, though meditation, through connection with nature, through whatever assists. Seek outwardly, keep our eyes open, listen and open up to fresh ideas.
I believe we are all spirit, all souls and have always been this way. We live here now in our earthly bodies but we can, if we look find our true selves. We could start by looking at ourselves, looking in the mirror, looking deep into our own eyes and beyond and asking ourselves if we are acting as best we can, surely thats the purpose. Do we act on a daily basis as the spiritual people we want to be, do we follow our own calling.
Lastly live the fullness of life that we can on earth and enjoy the journey, while watching and waiting, but not by being to busy searching for the destination that we miss the beautiful moments of each day.
Soul Trauma
Are there traumatised souls beyond this world…
Much of my work in life has been with traumatised children, many of whom have been traumatised through their early life experiences. Born into unloving homes, with parents incapable of providing the love a child needs to thrive or abused at the hands of adults who should have cared for them.
Although early intervention, love and understanding can help in recovery for children who have suffered traumatic experiences, I believe in some way the soul carries these scars forward, certainly in this life and maybe beyond. If the purpose of the challenges on earth is to develop the soul so that it becomes enlightened, surely it can only do this through these memories and how they impact upon this life. What understanding we gain from them and how we change.
They say that stress can bring on disease to the body and I have seen that enough to believe it possible, but what about the soul. Does the soul carry the trauma on with it or can it, when not connected to the body understand the reason for the challenges. Are these challenges just for us, our own learning, or are they for the people around us and part of their lessons.
Mediums or channellers of spirits might say that they have a connection with a soul who passed and give evidence to loved ones of an illness that took the spirit over. If this is a memory for the family, providing evidence of life after death, it must remain in some way with the soul of the spirit that has passed. I hope that after death illness disappears as it is only an illness of the body but I have a feeling the memories must surely remain.
My mother has always had a fear of not being able to breath, terrible claustrophobia. Today my mother sits with an oxygen cylinder by her side assisting her breathing, her lung capacity is at a minimum and she has a lung disease that will eventually end her life. That the fear became a reality is strange, is it a coincidence or something more meaningful, did she know all that time ago, was she in fact involved in the plan. I know for sure that I have learnt from her pain and will continue to learn as I care for her.
The soul of the child is born into a family who cannot show love and therefore the child cannot learn love unless, provided with this experience. The child cannot show empathy, trust and understanding to others, as it has no knowledge of these things in this lifetime. But what about the soul of the child, the soul that has lived many lifetimes before this one, does it not retain some of those memories. Do the challenges and lessons of previous lives help us through the ones that follow.
What about our resilience, do we develop it here on earth or is this something we bring with us, learnt from the many challenges of the paths we have walked before. What is natural resilience anyway, I’m resilient, but I also know I have achieved this through my own experiences here. I am able to deal with some traumatic situations by removing myself from the pain of them. Or am I still kidding myself, will the pain slap me around the face one day.
The brain of the child does not receive the signals required from the parent in order to grow and development is delayed. What happens to the soul is it underdeveloped too, does it know it has been let down, is it raging inside that this life might negatively dictate its future journey.
Does the soul not recall love, does it not know there is love in the world. I know as a child, I had a friend, invisible to the adults around me but she loved me. I was born into a loving family and I did forget her, maybe when life on this world became the larger part of my experience and therefore had to be the truth. But I hope this shows we are born with an understanding of love and that we bring some of it with us.
I don’t think the soul is a blank canvas at birth I think it retains some of the wonder of worlds beyond and lives before. It just forgets as the new world unfolds around it. Hopefully a child will receive love, know that there is someone there for them unconditionally and grow up into a loving and understanding world.
I hope that the memories the soul carries help in this life, even if forgotten for now they provide a memory of what is possible and hope.
When people live traumatic lives, through loneliness, war, loss, mental health and illness how long does it take to recover and what happens to the soul. If each lifetime is a lesson, can one lifetime destroy the lessons learnt before.
When you hear stories about life beyond this world you hear of ills being cured, those that were blind seeing, those who could not walk walking. What about those that were not loved, I assume they, find love and are loved in return. I’m guessing they will have more time to recover before the next life………….
I found this piece of writing in my drafts, it was before my mother passed over. I probably wrote it at a time I attempting to come to terms with grief, thinking about my own personal trauma and that of my mothers. I haven’t answered all of the questions yet, I might not.
Remember Me….
How will I be remembered when I’m gone from this life and only a memory to those who once knew me. This question troubles me because I don’t want to be thought of for my imperfections.
Please don’t remember me because I straightened the sofa cushions after you finished sitting. Remember the conversation we had while you sat there and that I listened intently to you and that I was interested in what you had to say. Know that I cared about you, that I loved you dearly and that I was so proud of you along with the relationship we had with each other, whatever that relationship was.
Please don’t recall my perfectionist ways, I never looked for perfection outside of myself, you were always so perfect. To me you were always amazing and I believe you will truly go all the way. The sun shines out of you and exposes your warm spirit, it’s why I wanted to be with you.
Please don’t think about the fact that I couldn’t sing, remember that I kept trying, and it made you laugh and yes sometimes embarrassed you. We laughed, I laughed and you all laughed with me and sometimes you sang too – I know you revelled in my happiness in those moments as I did yours.
Please don’t think of me as a housewife either, because when I tidied up around you or swept the crumbs from the table while you ate, it was because I wanted to be near you. I wanted to blend with your energies, feel you and care for you.
Please don’t think about my materialist ways, my love of handbags and shoes and need to bring home a shopping bag each trip out. I was confused, in search of beauty, but nothing really ever meant as much as you do to me.
Please remember that we travelled together in each others dreams, we broke through the universe together and anything was possible. Those frightening ones where we worried for each other turned out okay too, didn’t they, we lived another day here together.
Please remember me as a mother, a friend, listener, cook, artist and a lover of life -just remember that our pathways crossed whoever you are. That we complimented each other for a short while here, and that we knew each other was a gift.
Please think of me with a smile on your face and remember that I will always think of you and connect with you in love.
The Universe Speaks
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and have a feeling that I understand all the universe has to offer, it makes complete sense and I wonder at how it has taken me so long to understand. It is like a long awakened memory, that has been pushed down so far its feels fresh and new.
I can only compare this feeling to something menial like solving a difficult maths problem, building a flat pack wardrobe without the correct instructions or tallying end of year accounts. What seems to be an insurmountable problem, suddenly makes sense and fits into place with ease. Have you ever wondered at what took you so long on a job well done, thats the feeling I have when I wake up in the middle of the night with the certainty that I know all thats humanly possible to know.
I’m so smug, elated, overjoyed. I can tell the world where to find what it has been searching for so long. I don’t need to write it down, it is so clear in my mind, perfect, perfect, perfect. I lie there for a while thinking about how I can use this gift, until I drift back to sleep again.
I wake up, it has gone, I’ve lost it. I know it is in my mind somewhere buried deep in my subconscious but for today it’s lost. I have this dream often and yet I haven’t written it down despite the notepad by my bed. I know I will have the dream again, it is my calling the universe is communicating with me. I know one day I will remember what it has to say because otherwise the universe wouldn’t talk to me.
The Visit to the Medium
‘Hot cross buns, hot cross buns, one a penny two a penny, hot cross buns’ she sang across the room almost in a whisper. ‘Is there something about Easter I should be thinking of, is it a message of some sort?’ the young woman asked the medium sitting patiently across from her. ‘The thing is I can’t seem to get the tune out of my head, it is like it is on a loop and I can’t think why. I mean it is only January for goodness sake and I don’t believe I have even seen one in the shops yet, surely we have to get through Valentines Day first’. She looked across the room at the spiritual medium she was visiting who was silently smiling over at her. She wondered if she appeared mad, what did she really hope to get from today.
Rosie had booked the appointment on the spur of the moment, she had seen the card on a shop notice board, it had jumped out at her. She took it off of the cork board and slipped it into her pocket hoping she wouldn’t be seen and scurried from the shop to the park bench, where she made the telephone call to Myra. The woman on the other end of the phone sounded friendly enough. She said in a gentle voice that interestingly she had just received a telephone call from a client cancelling an appointment, and yes, although she had been fully booked today this cancellation opened up a space at one o’clock. She went on to say that maybe it was synchronicity, it certainly felt like that to Rosie.
After making the call Rosie began to feel a little nervous, she hadn’t been to see a medium before and today she was going on her own. Why did she even feel the necessity, what was she hoping for she asked out loud. She scrolled down through her contacts on her iPhone wondering who she could persuade to come along. Exhausting the list of hopefuls Rosie realised she would have to go it alone, she didn’t want to put it off now she had made the call she didn’t know if she would be brave enough again.
Myra was situated just off of Haydon’s Road, in a little cul-de-sac full of red brick victorian cottages. Rosie got there a little early and walked past the house looking up at the windows. The curtains were drawn against the sun at the front which sent a little shiver through her, would the house be full of the spirits of the dead she thought, would she be frightened. Rosie waited a little further down the road, propped against a garden wall until the time of her appointment. At 12.50 Rosie watched as an elderly lady left the house, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue before getting into a waiting taxi.
On arriving, she was shown into a small siting room, Myra told her she used specifically for spiritual consultations. The walls were painted white, but the room was full of colour. Everywhere she looked Rosie could see bursts of colour, from the crystals, ornaments, pictures and statues to the spines of the many books stacked neatly on shelves. A picture on the wall above the medium appeared to draw her in, the colours where quite overwhelming. Rosie believed could feel the colours in her stomach, she felt a pull that she didn’t recognise. Surprisingly Myra herself looked quite ordinary, nicely painted finger nails, long blond hair and wearing a black dress with a scarf tied neatly around her neck. Rosie had expected something else, a gypsy maybe wearing silk, bangles and beads but Myra looked like anyone else, although admittedly attractive.
Hearing that Rosie hadn’t seen a medium before Myra had explained a little about how she worked. ‘I don’t give predictions my dear, I see and hear spirit and pass on messages from the afterlife’. She paused a moment before continuing ‘I have had a lady with me all morning and I wasn’t sure who she was, now that you are here I know that she is here for you. But first I would like to know what you hope to get from our meeting today?’. Rosie wasn’t sure, she had come on a whim after not being able to get the hot cross bun song out of her head, but now she was here she didn’t have a clue as to what she wanted from the session. Rosie garbled out how she had the song stuck in her head, she didn’t know why. In fact she didn’t really know what had brought her here today, she had just not been able to stop thinking about it and then the card on the notice board. She fell silent feeling a little silly and out of control.
Myra began to describe the woman she had with her, it was clear it was Rosie’s mum wearing the dress that Rosie alway saw her in, the green one with the cream spots and the lace cardigan. Rosie listened silently as Myra spoke of memories from her childhood. A tear trickled slowly down her cheek as she felt her mothers love and the words the medium said resonated throughout her very soul. ‘Your mother has a message for you my dear’ Myra said as she looked directly into Rosie’s eyes. ‘She want me to ask you why you don’t speak to her now she has passed, she wants you to know she is really here, that her love hasn’t died and she is with you every moment’. Rosie looked across at the medium, through her mother who stood between them in the small room. ‘I don’t know what to say’ Rosie whispered. ‘I see her all the time, standing by my bed, looking over my shoulder in the mirror and sitting next to me on the bus, but I can’t speak in case she disappears, you see she is in my imagination, she died last year’. Myra smiled gently ‘ oh you really don’t know you have the gift do you, do you not realise it is you mother you see not your imagination my dear’ she paused ‘Imagination my child is made up of the word image, you have to start believing in what you see’. Rosie looked up at her mother, standing in the room between them and for the first time since her mothers death realised she was still here.
There really wasn’t an awful lot more to be said in the session, the main message had come out straight away. It wouldn’t have been right to carry on with a reading they both agreed, well all three of them in some ways. Myra gave Rosie another card with the details of a development group, she told her it would help her begin to understand work with spirit when she was ready and Myra said she would be happy to talk to her if she had any questions. Myra told her she was very happy to have helped today, this wasn’t what she would usually expect on meeting new clients. Myra said ‘you never know what spirit have in store for you’ as she saw Rosie out.
Arriving home that afternoon Rosie put her key on her mothers trinket tray by the door and sat for a while reflecting on the days events, she thought back over the last year, realising at the same time her mother had been with her all along, she hadn’t left her at all. Later Rosie opened the freezer looking for dinner options, she was starting to feel hungry. There on the top shelf was a pack of hot cross buns, frozen and forgotten. Rosie turned looked at her mother who was standing beside her ‘thank you for taking me there today mum, for putting the song in my head, for showing me the card, we won’t be needing her anymore but I did need to hear the message to really see you’.
Treasure in a coffin.
A coffin would usually measure about 84 inches in length and be 28 inches wide so with you inside it, however slender you are, there won’t be an awful lot of room for treasure.
The word coffin derives from the old French word cofin, meaning basket or cradle. It seams funny and a little strange to me that we arrive and leave in the same vehicles. I’m wondering if it because each time we travel we are being born in one place and saying goodbye to another.
Although any box used for the dead is a coffin, the word casket is also widely used. It’s interesting that a casket was originally a box for jewelry. I think perhaps we are the jewels in this case and our value is measured by our deeds on earth.
I think what I’m getting at here, you have to stay with me, as I write to formulate my thoughts. Anyway what I’m saying is that we can’t really take anything with us, it will not stay along for the ride. We won’t wake up in the hereafter with the wealth we have amassed on earth any more than a baby is born with a healthy bank account and pots of gold.
So why do we spend our lives building our individual empires, with dreams of wealth being some of the most prominent. Why do we pray for a lottery win over health and happiness and why do we find it so hard to let go of material possessions when there will come a day we have no other option.
I’m as guilty as the rest, I’m a magpie, and I like beautiful things around me. I like things to shine, I polish taps and shine sinks. I bought my car as the tan leather seats went with my handbags. I weigh more on the bathroom scales than I actually should, because of the silver jewelry I never take off. I’m working on this and I will continue working, as I know the treasures we have on earth are nothing more than fool’s gold.
If we could only see each other by looking at the beauty of each individual soul without the material possessions or lack of possessions. I think we would see a completely different picture. We would truly see each other for who we really are by what we give out and not be swayed by falseness. I wonder what colours I give out, I hope they say something good about me.
Lately I have being seeing the natural beauty in nature, the flowers and the colours, the sounds and the smells. This is new for me, I’m a town girl and always busy and on the go. I’m giving myself more time now, I have slowed down, I’m watching and waiting.
I am wealthy in friends and loved ones, I have beautiful people around me but I won’t be taking them with me, nor would they want to come. I know I will die with the people I love around me but that will be as far as they go. I travel alone and the only treasure I want with me is the love of those I hold dear. I know with all certainty that the only treasures I will count as I leave this place are the people I love.
I’m thinking about this today and I’m going to keep thinking about it because I don’t want to forget. The wealth I have now and any wealth I have in the future will be measured in any kindness and love I’m able to give out. The treasure I will take with me will be those memories and achievements. I think they will fit as they will be sewn into my spirit and travel with me.
What will you fit in your coffin with you when they carry you out of this lifetime?
My Funny Friend
So I’ve been reading Conversations with God. I had heard of the book but hadn’t given it much thought before until a friend mentioned it. She told me it was powerful and that things start to happen when you read it. I was interested so I downloaded a copy on my Kindle. I chose my Kindle so that if I read it outside no one would know what I was reading and automatically jump to the conclusion I was a weirdo.
I immediately liked the book when I started reading it, mainly because it made me laugh out loud. Who would have thought God would have the same flippant sense of humour as me. He says in the book he invented humour so it is only natural he gets it. Well lots of people think they are funny but they don’t make me laugh like God does. I know I sound a little crazy but people have told me about God before but I haven’t felt drawn in the same way. This Donald Walsch, who brings God in these books, gives you a God you want to go for a drink with. I can imagine sitting over a coffee with him talking about the universe and beyond. We would get on so well it would be natural that we would move on to a bar or two and really get stuck into who we are, maybe end the evening with a curry.
You see this book makes God real in a way, as real as the scenes you can see in your mind when reading any book. I invest my emotions into characters in books, get to know them, care for them and bring them into my life.
Funny thing was half way through the book strange things did start to happen. Like the check out guy in Waitrose stopping what he was doing and telling me he missed his mother. He went on to tell me, a complete stranger, that he smells flowers when he wakes in the morning. He told me she loved flowers and he bought them for her every week, he said he was confused as he didn’t have fresh flowers at home. I suggested that maybe it was his mother drawing close to him, suggested he talk to her and buy some flowers for her. He told me he would do this and got on with putting my shopping through. I walked home thinking about him and his mother, I suppose they are in my life now too.
Mum and I have been even more psychically connected than usual. Even though she is fifty miles away we seem to be experiencing a higher connection. She will phone and it is turning out we are thinking or doing the same things during the day, like we are in the same room.
Well I’m near the end of the first book now and reading about what it means to be successful, how to bring success into your life. How to have what you need financially and materialistically, by just knowing you have. As I turned off the light last night, I thought about how I had always believed I would be all right. I smiled as I thought of winning the lottery.
This morning there was an email from the National Lottery, strange because I thought I had not been successful in updating my debit card payment. Well I must have been because it turns out I won. Not all of it this time, that’s to come, but £174.00 for now.
I immediately thanked God, not my lucky stars but God. This book is having an impact on me. I’m off to read some more about my funny friend.
Happy Easter!
lizalizaskysaregrey 