Tag: writing

Dreaming of the Light

lizaaitken

Dream

Is it dark in heaven, does anybody know?  I can’t imagine it is ever dark up there, or wherever the there may be.  I have read the stories of people who have travelled there and returned after being cast out to continue thier lives and you won’t find anyone who arrived in the dark.  They, the returned, mostly talk of a bright light, a warmth and of being greated by those that went before them and stayed.  You never hear of anyone who had to turn the light on when they arrived or needed a match.

I think that is why we might be a littled frightened of the dark, especially as children.  Darkness is particular to our existence here, it is put here to show us the difference between heaven and earth.  I think it is supposed to be unnerving until we realise there is really nothing to it, only what we create with our imaginations.  I think of my childhood dreams, of being chased by monsters and such, who never really existed in the light of day.

On the other side, whatever or wherever it is, I have heard the colours are supposed to be so bright, like nothing we have ever seen.  It all appears to be full of brightness and colour  and there are not any dark corners, darkness does not exist, well not in anything I have read.  And then I think of my dreams,  I dream in colour, sometimes wonderful colours.  I don’t remember ever dreaming of the dark, I wonder where I am going.

My dreams are created by me, by my subconscious to to give me a message, help me work something out or teach me something.  I sometimes wonder if I’m travelling beyond this world in my dreams, I do think there is a connection here somewhere. I do have disturbing dreams, big empty rooms, I often miss aeroplanes and I have been naked but I think these are just things I’m working through.

I dream of people that have passed on and sometimes they feel so real, they hug me and I wake up crying.  Other times they are just there in my dream and I think created by me as I am missing them and trying to find them.  Because I have people that live there, I believe in another place even if it only accessible at the moment through my dreams.

I’m not afraid of the dark now because it’s just made up of fear and not knowing.  I try look into the depth of it and try and find the light and colour there, because I know it is there, my people are there.  If it is true that spirits or whatever you call them, are here but exist beyond our sight or understanding, then we should if we look really closely be able to find them in the light, right?

I’m gong to continue to search for the light in my dreams and while I’m awake, I want to understand it.  Sometimes when awake I see little specks of colour, shiny dust I think of it as and it sprinkles around the room.  At night I see the same little specks moving around in the dark.  I do sometimes think I might be getting there speck by speck  but for now it’s only a dream.

 

The Power of You

lizaaitken

You hold me in mind and lend me your strength,

Propelling me forward by sheer will alone.

I begin now, to recognise and believe in myself,

Strong and empowered by the experience of you.

On my life’s journey, I know you are near.

Your thoughts travel with me, protecting my way.

As attached to your soul by invisible thread,

embroidered like silk and tied with love.

The power of love calms storms, clears the sky.

You prop me up, sensing you tall inside.

Planes held aloft, on the winds of your will.

Deep love brings me home again, safely to you.

No time for Sagas

lizaaitken

Saga

What a palaver, you go on and on, of the days long ago when you were strong.

Fabricated stories, great wars and love, please shut up, ‘dear god above’.

Don’t give me your tales, of woe and strife, I simply don’t need them in my life.

Heroic tales of days gone by, I don’t want to hear, they won’t make me cry.

There are those that will listen, invite you in, those who are bored and somewhat dim.

Yes, some will listen, with mouths a gasp, tell your tale there, no need to be fast.

Hastily now, take your big yarns away, be off with your saga without delay.

Death Songs

lizaaitken

Sing

I collect death songs. Death songs are what I call my friends and families funeral songs, I think it important we get it right and therefore they have to choose what they want played. A song that is just right for everybody coming in, a song for the coffin entering and so on through the service.

These death song lists are kept on my iPhone notes under headings like ‘David Dead’ and ‘Laura Dead’. Each friend gets to choose five songs each and they go along with this to keep me entertained. I take it quite seriously, much to everybody’s amusement. My sister gets me, it was her that started it in the first place. Mum chose her own funeral music and even decided on the guest list, there were people who would not have been welcome. The music was perfect and because she chose it I often play these songs when I’m thinking of her.

There are some real tear jerkers in there among my friends songs and some hilarious ones like ‘I know it’s over, The Smiths and Try Not to Breath, REM. I must tell you now, most of these people are only in their early fifties and could well have another thirty or forty years. A lot of them might well outlive me so it will be important for me to hand these songs over on time.

I think people go along with me as I say, either choose your songs or I will sing one for you. Now it is a well known fact that I can’t sing, I love to but I can’t. My dream is to learn to sing on the quiet and create a video to sing for my friends one last time!

What are your five songs?

The Foundation

lizaaitken

Take a deep breath in and release. Watch closely as one by one, on each breath, the cares of the day are let go. Feel that moment of stillness, feel the silence around you and know you are at one with the universe.

Any thoughts that pop up for you, acknowledge and let them pass you by, watch as they dissolve into nothingness.

(Silence)

Now see a staircase in front of you, create the staircase. The steps can be made of whatever you wish, visualise it now. Know that there are ten steps and you are on the top step. Slowly now, step down.

One…

Two…

Three…

Four..

Five, you are half way now..

Six..

Seven..

Eight..

Nine..

Ten..

Now you step from the staircase you find yourself in a field, a summer meadow, full with colourful wild flowers. Look at the tiny heads blowing softly in the wind. What colour stands out for you?

On the other side of the field, there is a seat. You know what the seat looks like, it’s your seat. On the seat there is a brick. I want you to take a seat, lift the brick and put it onto your lap. I want you to look closely at your brick, what is it made of, it could be stone or maybe it’s a crystal, it’s your brick only you know.

This brick is your foundation stone, you are going to lay it, this is your foundation to your future. I’m going to leave you to this task but think carefully about where the stone should be laid, lay it and do it with ceremony. Leave a marker so that you can return again when you feel the need.

(Silence)

You have a few minutes now and then I want you to come back to your body. When your ready open your eyes, move your hands and feet and feel your connection to the earth.

Does anyone have anything they wish to share?

Leaving You

lizaaitken

IMG_4501

I have tried to leave you on a number of occasions, but it is impossible as you always conspire to keep me. I can make up my mind to go and then suddenly I find myself sitting on the beach with you, looking out at the vastness of the sea and wondering if I could really ever be truly happy anywhere else.

I often toy with being away from the craziness of us, I imagine being alone somewhere, maybe in a field, with just the birds singing. But I’m not, I’m still here with you, I stay as I always have since you came into my life. You give me that constant buzz, there is always something going on with us, you still amuse me.

I don’t remember when we first met, it was so long ago and in those first days we just danced and flirted with the idea of us. It wasn’t until much later that I knew I had to be with you.  I packed up my home without a seconds thought and moved to be with you.  I wanted to merge with you, be a part of you, I knew I loved you.

It was hard at first, we were different, your people were different. I had to make changes, I had to soften my edges. You are always changing, still changing, but you’re still the same in the most important ways. You’re welcoming, you always look after everyone, you want them all to have a good time, night and day you keep going.  I remember the festivals and music we danced to, I remember the newness of everything, the excitement and the joy of living.  You still excite me, although I see all sides of you now.

The people you have introduced me to will always be in my life, wherever I go. You knew they would be my people, those crazy, weird and lovely people. Then there is the kindness and love I have discovered here, discovered in myself. I’m not sure I would have found that anywhere else in the world, you gave me that, you provided the opportunities.

As with all great love affairs, I think one day we, you and I will come to an end. But our ending will be gentle, never painful, not us. I will eventually find the courage to leave you, but it will be gradual at first, a few days at a time until I can manage the final goodbye.

I will always love you, there will always be a special place in my heart. Brighton, you will always be my home.

.

The Development Circle

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She found it really hard to close her mind to the outside world and just be in the moment. There was a shopping list running through her mind and she could see herself walking down the isle of the grocery store. She found these guided meditations really hard to stick at, it was terribly difficult to let go of life or was it just too frightening. She pulled herself back from the supermarket, lifting her gaze to look round the circle. There were seven of them in total, the others appearing to be at peace and following the guidance of the leader. Okay, where was she supposed to be, could she see the blue light in the circle, maybe if she turned it into tiny drops of water she could just see it.

Who was that outside in the hallway, maybe a latecomer but surely the door was locked. She brought her mind back to the group and mentally put the noise in the hallway into her invisible shopping bag along with the groceries. The medium leading the group was telling them to put the people they loved into the healing light in the centre. This bit was easier, there was her mum dancing without oxygen a big smile on her face and her eyes reflecting the blue of the room. Her dad smiling and waving his arms about showing jazz hands, and her nephew with his school bag dancing around them both. There was Kerry looking at peace, a smile on her face without the usual signs of childhood trauma, just looking happy. Jenny and Moira stood peacefully at the edge also watching the happiness of those still living. She put all her might into seeing these people and sending them the love and healing they needed.

It was time for the loved ones to leave and for her to step into the circle and receive healing herself, ask spirit for whatever she needed. She saw herself there, she made herself a little younger, slimmer and her hair just right and yes she was smiling. What did she need, maybe guidance, she asked spirit for direction, to help her find her path and stop jumping about in her life, she so needed to find her life purpose. She was alone in the circle even though all the members of the group were supposed to be with her. She looked up to the light and sent a prayer for help putting all her love into the request.

The door opened and a man walked into the room to join the group. From the centre of the circle she watched as he crossed the room and put his coat across a chair. She wondered what the medium would say about his late arrival but casting her eyes in that direction it appeared she didn’t mind.   The man smiled over at her and put a book down on her chair. It was green with gold leaf writing on the cover but from here she couldn’t read the words.

‘Okay when you are ready bring yourself back to the group’

She took a couple of breaths and slowly opened her eyes looking around the group. The man had gone of course, he was only in her imagination but his smile remained warming her inside. Sarah, the medium, asked how everyone felt and if anyone wanted to say anything. She smiled but didn’t want to tell the group about the man in her dream so remained silent.

It was a good evening at the development circle, they usually all had fun together. They practiced a couple of psychic exercises, some tarot and aura reading before closing the group and heading to the pub.

Saying goodnight to each other later that night, Sarah told her to think about the words on the book cover. She was amazed and asked Sarah if she had seen the man with the book. Sarah shook her head and said ‘I just know about the book, not everything but I know you will write one, you just need to see the title’.