lizaaitken

Dust

October 2, 2017October 2, 2017 lizaaitken

Jean hated to clean, she could see the dust but just couldn’t be bothered with it. Quentin Crisp once said “There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse”.

Jean reached up to the bookshelf, pulled his book off the shelf and wiped a layer of dust from the spine. She opened it and looked at the inscription “To Jean from Quentin Crisp” she had been a true fan of his. She agreed on the dust, dirt is dirt, however much of it there is, however it doesn’t go away unless you do something about it.

Jean needed a cleaner but she also needed a holiday, she longed to travel see some more of the world before she turned to dust herself. She thought she might start in New York and see what, if anything, would open up from there.

Jean put her little house on a holiday letting site, the place you would put your home for short term lets, she was very careful about the photos she took. It wasn’t long before a six month let was agreed and Jean paid for her vacation with the deposit, packed up and left.

Jean just closed the door on the dust, this she thought, was a much better option than getting cleaners in to do a deep clean. References she had received for the tenant, described her as an exceptionally clean young woman. Jean just knew she would return to a spotlessly clean home in six months, now all she had to do was to work out how she would find the already spent deposit!

“The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us” Quentin Crisp

I wrote this story after helping my sister clean her new rental for two days before moving in. I couldn’t quite believe how much we had to clean and however messy she is over the next six months the owner will still be returning to a home that has been deep cleaned! I suggested to my sister we were paying forward, that she wouldn’t have to clean on leaving, but that is silly, it is not in her nature, after all she was well chosen!

The owners name wasn’t Jean of course, this is a book that used to sit on my mothers bookshelf 🙂

Circle of Life

October 1, 2017 lizaaitken

It could be a circle I’m travelling,

or a long and windy trail.

In such dry and arid conditions,

or wet where I need a sail.

Pulls on every ounce of strength,

such weight I have to bare.

But then I look to the distance,

and I know I’m nearly there.

Such feats I have to contend with,

as I travel along the way.

Those burdens that I carry too,

some go but others may stay.

And what if it is a circle or two,

and I just go round and round.

Maybe that’s just the secret,

of how happiness can be found.

I’m as Focused as I’ll Ever Be..

September 27, 2017 lizaaitken

I’m as focused as I’ll ever be,

but that not much you see.

I’d rather be wondering slowly,

than to move fast from A to B.

I’m not a fan of planning,

I’d rather just do as I please.

To be focused you need to focus,

and it doesn’t appeal to me.

I can concentrate a little,

on the things that I like to do.

Like creating something special,

I might even give it to you.

Focus isn’t a word I like,

it reminds me too much of school.

As if I look to far in front,

I might miss this moments jewel.

Focused

September 26, 2017 lizaaitken

It’s hard to stay focused without eyes!

My trip to the crypt today in Hythe, Kent.

Good set of teeth to last a few hundred years!

I thought the crypt quite fascinating and just down the road too. I’ve visited bone chapels in Europe but was surprised to find these down the road from my flat. All the sculls are pre 1800’s, there are thigh bones too!

Well maybe there’s more to the town than I originally thought! 😉

Values

September 26, 2017 lizaaitken

We go to war over values,

if they’re wrong or right.

It’s often values that drive us,

they can lead us into a fight.

Values are simply judgements,

that what we love and hate.

We might say we’ll die for it,

such a huge mistake to make.

It might be what we strive for,

or what we feel we must leave.

Neither of these are certain,

simply they’re what we believe.

Values are contextual see,

it can depend who we are.

We might have values one day,

on another they are quite far.

We’ve all got a set of values,

based purely on what we think.

It’s a shock that changes values,

and that might occur in a blink.

How do we Care?

September 26, 2017 lizaaitken

I can’t stand all the pain in the world right now, the terror and hopelessness, the atrocities happening each and every moment and the suffering. I can’t stand to watch it on the news, but I do. I read the reports on the internet and listen to speeches, I empathise, or do I?

This is what I hate, I hate the fact that I can watch something, see the crying faces of children, see starvation and fear and yet turn the TV off and think about what I’m having for dinner. How can I think about what I’m having for dinner when so many people don’t have dinner, don’t even have the water they need to survive. I look at my bed and think the sheets need changing, the sheets need changing on my big comfortable and stylish bed. And you know what I iron those bloody sheets too because it wouldn’t be good enough to put them on the bed un-ironed!

What is wrong with me, is my brain not working as it should, when I see horror, why does it not stay, why does it not hold me and prevent me from enjoying life. Why does it not bring into perspective how bloody rich I am and why on earth do I still think I need more than I have right now?

I’ve asked around about, it seems others are the same, maybe our brains are not wired to take in the suffering of others if we are not involved or it does not affect anyone we care about. Am I right, I’d be interested in your thoughts because I’m not feeling that good about myself?

I wonder if this is how we protect ourselves, is it our conscious mind telling us it’s nothing to do with us. Don’t get me wrong, I do what I can to help, I donate, I share a message and I discuss what’s going on in the world, I show I care what’s happening to others and I pray too.

What more can I do, it’s not feasible for me to get on a plane and fly out and help. I would probably be of no use, I’m too old, too inexperienced and I’d probably be useless anyway.

That’s it I feel useless, I feel helpless and I feel awful about my feelings when I should be feeling awful for others. I wish that wishes worked, I wish I could make it all better, I wish I could heal the world, but I can’t and I will have to put up with my feelings for now and hope and pray for a better and more loving world.

Wired to the Universe

September 26, 2017 lizaaitken

I’m wired up to the universe,

with a strong invisible thread.

To hold me while I need it,

I’m as sure when I’m dead.

Linking me to every moment,

as I’m paying a visit just now.

I came down from the stars,

but I cannot remember how.

I’m connected to all there is,

Spreading all over the place.

I see myself in so many things,

I see too, as I look in your face.

I visit all over the milky way,

as each planet is my home.

While my body rests at night,

in my dreams I love to roam.

I grow in summer meadows,

I hang down from every tree.

As my spirit meets each part,

so I become all things I can see.

I roll in with the tides at night,

cross the mountains on a wing.

I am the grass that covers land,

I am the song the crickets sing.

Yes, my body might deteriorate,

but the thread will always last.

When I am only a pile of ashes,

I’ll be right here, not in the past.

From Another Planet

September 25, 2017 lizaaitken

Am I from another planet,

like something you’ve never seen.

Am I really that peculiar,

like a vision from your dreams.

Am I really that different,

like I just flew down from Mars.

Don’t you ever get out of here,

and drive your big flash cars.

I’m really just like everyone else,

I have a big heart like you.

You know I’m a little perturbed,

I’m at a loss of what to do.

I won’t take you in my spaceship

and I certainly won’t go.

All I ask is a little respect,

in that you just might say hello!

Looking for Inspiration

September 25, 2017September 25, 2017 lizaaitken

I’m finding it hard to be inspired by where I live now. I moved here a month ago, it’s pretty enough, you’ve seen some of the photos I’ve taken of the canal and beach but it doesn’t speak to me. I’m okay, I’m plodding along doing my thing but I’m not struck by inspiration in the slightest.

It’s the energy of the place I think, it’s slow and if I’m honest a little dull. It’s temporary, always was in that I’m not staying long, but it’s certainly not me. Now for the positives, it’s slowed me down, got me more in touch with myself. I spend long periods alone and I’m benefiting from them. I’ve lost an amazing 4lb’s in weight as I’m not socialising which is a big plus if ever there was one. I’ve started a course and I’m loving it, it’s got me to pull out some old books and I’ve lots of new stuff to learn, I have the time too without distractions.

Energy is a funny thing, I think it’s affected by so many things. The people here seem very insular, I walk down the canal saying hello or smiling at people I pass, the number of them who look at me as if I’m mad or pretend they didn’t hear me is weird. They look at me like I’m crazy, like I’m from another planet, but it’s not me it’s them. On the other hand I do talk to a lot of dogs, dogs aren’t fussy. The High Street is boring, there is nothing that calls me. Yes there’s a post office, bank and chemist but there isn’t anything that interests me. It’s old and I suppose quaint and the folk around here are pretty proud of it, it has a number of visitors but there is nothing that calls me. Is it the people or the energy of the town, I don’t know but I’m not keen.

I’m spoilt I suppose, fifteen years living in Brighton with all it’s vibrancy and style. I was brought up in London and I’m pretty well travelled, yes I’m spoilt and if I’m honest a little fussy. As you know I love nature and I can certainly appreciate the beauty of my surroundings but there’s something missing that I just can’t put my finger on.

I’ll ponder a while on it and carry on spending time on me, pamper myself maybe 😉

Author: lizaaitken

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