I can’t stand all the pain in the world right now, the terror and hopelessness, the atrocities happening each and every moment and the suffering. I can’t stand to watch it on the news, but I do. I read the reports on the internet and listen to speeches, I empathise, or do I?
This is what I hate, I hate the fact that I can watch something, see the crying faces of children, see starvation and fear and yet turn the TV off and think about what I’m having for dinner. How can I think about what I’m having for dinner when so many people don’t have dinner, don’t even have the water they need to survive. I look at my bed and think the sheets need changing, the sheets need changing on my big comfortable and stylish bed. And you know what I iron those bloody sheets too because it wouldn’t be good enough to put them on the bed un-ironed!
What is wrong with me, is my brain not working as it should, when I see horror, why does it not stay, why does it not hold me and prevent me from enjoying life. Why does it not bring into perspective how bloody rich I am and why on earth do I still think I need more than I have right now?
I’ve asked around about, it seems others are the same, maybe our brains are not wired to take in the suffering of others if we are not involved or it does not affect anyone we care about. Am I right, I’d be interested in your thoughts because I’m not feeling that good about myself?
I wonder if this is how we protect ourselves, is it our conscious mind telling us it’s nothing to do with us. Don’t get me wrong, I do what I can to help, I donate, I share a message and I discuss what’s going on in the world, I show I care what’s happening to others and I pray too.
What more can I do, it’s not feasible for me to get on a plane and fly out and help. I would probably be of no use, I’m too old, too inexperienced and I’d probably be useless anyway.
That’s it I feel useless, I feel helpless and I feel awful about my feelings when I should be feeling awful for others. I wish that wishes worked, I wish I could make it all better, I wish I could heal the world, but I can’t and I will have to put up with my feelings for now and hope and pray for a better and more loving world.