Tag: soul

Soul of the Ocean.

lizaaitken

There are many boats on the ocean. Some of these are small boats, big enough for one fisherman and then there are the larger vessels, such as ocean liners carrying hundreds of passengers.  All are at the control of the tides and the stars and the crossing is not guaranteed.

Some of these boats will last an age, they are the friends of the ocean, built well to work with the water and blow with the wind. The Ocean is in control and the vessels sail and reach their destination with its permission alone. There is not a boat that can control the water, the ocean is the constant thing, the boats come and go.

The ocean’s soul is made up of many who have crossed it. The souls that live in the ocean, those that work with the ocean or encounter it, add their experience to its great depth and vastness.

I think the ocean is a lot like life, we get through it with luck and permission, not by trying to control it.

Meeting Me

lizaaitken

Today I met myself on my way down the hill.  I was retracing my steps and thinking about where I could have gone wrong on the way.  I’m not sure if I was unconsciously trying to find myself or if we just bumped into each other by accident, but it happened as destiny does.

Both rounded the corner at exactly the same time, it was as if the planets were aligned.  I was preoccupied and lost in thought and she was in a hurry to meet him. The moment stretched like an elastic band, pulled and ready to burst.  I saw her touch herself to make sure she was still there. We were both surprised, her more than me I think as surprises lessen as life goes on.

I studied her, the fresh face, the thick, dark curly hair and the air of excitement that she carried. She was in love, it was not long after they had met and she still wore that look of nervous expectation.  I remembered the day well, today the relationship would be sealed.  I looked and remembered how long it had taken her to decide what to wear, I also knew what she had in her overstuffed handbag.  I smiled, I wanted to tell her he wasn’t really worth it, that in the end she would find she didn’t really know him but I couldn’t do that, she would have to find that out herself. She would have ten years of happiness with him anyway, well most of it happy and she would have our beautiful child. I envied her the opportunity to hold our baby once more, the freedom and the life she had in front of her.  She had so many choices to make, so many experiences to grab. I thought back to the day when I had been standing in her shoes and tried to look out of her eyes and find myself, I must have missed this moment last time.  Funny how many things we miss as we rush through life getting to our destination.

A thought jumped into my mind, if she hadn’t seen me when we were here before, what else could change, what if she made different choices. I wanted to know what would happen if she changed the course of events that brought me here now, where would I be if anything changed.  I looked down at myself and prayed I wouldn’t dissolve into nothingness.  I wanted to tell her how to do it right, how to keep me alive, but I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t even remember all of it, life was a whirl back then, full of ups and downs. I wanted to tell her it would be okay, that the tears of her lessons would dry and she would realise that she had her whole life before her.  I wanted her to meet him, he was a big stepping stone to our future, but again I stayed silent.

She looked at me, my thinning hair, dyed to hide to the inevitable grey and extra pounds I carried.  She was such a willow of a girl if only she knew how beautiful she was, if she could only see the light that shone out.  I thought of a number of outfits I could have put on today that might have left a better impression, I didn’t want to scare her.  I imagine she thought I had let myself go and I wanted to tell her how hard it was to remain slim, I wanted to let her know I was only a size 10/12 after all not that much bigger in the scheme of things, just softer in places.  I didn’t utter a word, just stood a little taller and pulled tight on what was left of my stomach muscles. She had a cigarette in her hand and I knew another twenty Marlborough Red in her bag at least, I desperately wanted a drag.  I hadn’t smoked now in years but that moment I was a smoker again.

I thought of what I could tell her, asked myself what lessons she needed, but realised she would probably laugh, after all I was as old as our mum now and when did she ever listen to mum.  I wanted to tell her about all the people that she shouldn’t waste her time on and those that would be with her all the way.  I wanted to tell her how her family were truly her real friends, but she would have to find that out herself. In fact she would have to find it all out herself, as that is what would take her up the hill I had just walked down from. I understood, that it is the challenges that are before her, that will mould her and create the me of today and I couldn’t help her with any of it.

Neither of us had spoken, we just stood transfixed staring at each other in that moment. I smiled gently at her and without a word I walked away. I hoped that my smile conveyed the love I had for her, the love that I had for myself.

I didn’t turn around as I walked back up the hill again, I knew at some stage she would follow me.

Pathway

lizaaitken

 

Every one is looking for a someone to point them in the right direction, right? We all know there is something more out there or something deep inside of each of us, available but just out of our grasp. If only we could find the way, become enlightened, awaken, reach nirvana, perfect ourselves and win the ultimate prize.

Spirituality is a big and booming industry, with new pathways created daily by gurus who promise big answers. Each and every one of these, has the right answer and at a cost but what is money when enlightenment awaits?

Why the search, why are so many of us desperately seeking the truth? Will it will make everything good in our lives, just maybe we won’t have to come back and do it all again if we get the answers right this time! Maybe we want to find a connection to those that have passed, there are probably million and one reasons, which are different for each of us. One of the main reasons for this search, I think, is fear, belief that there is something else that we are missing and fear that missing this will leave us incomplete.  Fear that there isn’t really anything else and a deep hope that there is.

I think the reason these spiritual models and pathways have so many followers is because people feel they get more from the trappings of a group, ritual in community is powerful. Iconography is also important because people find it easier to believe if surrounded by icons of belief, crystals, crosses, Buddhas and the like, something to worship and hold on to.

I believe the best person out there to assist us with our pathway here is our own true authentic selves. No one else in the universe has the key to our own inner workings or understanding of our souls experience than what we have ourselves. We and only we hold this key, and this key will only turn for us. I feel we have to reach a place where we connect with pure love, where we find ourselves to be pure love, but thats only my own feeling, I am still on my journey here and have a lot still to discover.

What I do know, I’m not sure how, but I know only we, truly understand our paths here, even if forgotten for the moment or buried deep in our subconscious, I think it is our fundamental task in life to realise the purpose of our stay.

I also feel that in order to grow we need to ask questions and explore what comes up. If we have aspirations to connect with anything higher, it is essential to talk with like minded people here, have philosophical discussions and search for what feels right. Talk to spirt, talk to our higher selves and talk to the trees if they really help us find the answers. To grow here we need to find our own truth, question and build upon that truth until we meet our own understanding.

I don’t want to fit in with any particular teaching and don’t believe it’s right for me, I want to learn about them all and take from them what feels right. I suppose I could be described as eclectic in my beliefs and that feels right for now, others may feel safer connected with a group. I don’t think any of us have the answers, the puzzle would be solved if we did, and therefore the purpose of our stay here met.

Faith should be redefined, faith is moving, living and acting to what we know to be true, allowing for change and being open to new ideas. Seek inwardly, though meditation, through connection with nature, through whatever assists. Seek outwardly, keep our eyes open, listen and open up to fresh ideas.

I believe we are all spirit, all souls and have always been this way. We live here now in our earthly bodies but we can, if we look find our true selves. We could start by looking at ourselves, looking in the mirror, looking deep into our own eyes and beyond and asking ourselves if we are acting as best we can, surely thats the purpose. Do we act on a daily basis as the spiritual people we want to be, do we follow our own calling.

Lastly live the fullness of life that we can on earth and enjoy the journey, while watching and waiting, but not by being to busy searching for the destination that we miss the beautiful moments of each day.

Soul Trauma

lizaaitken

Are there traumatised souls beyond this world…

Much of my work in life has been with traumatised children, many of whom have been traumatised through their early life experiences. Born into unloving homes, with parents incapable of providing the love a child needs to thrive or abused at the hands of adults who should have cared for them.

Although early intervention, love and understanding can help in recovery for children who have suffered traumatic experiences, I believe in some way the soul carries these scars forward, certainly in this life and maybe beyond. If the purpose of the challenges on earth is to develop the soul so that it becomes enlightened, surely it can only do this through these memories and how they impact upon this life.  What understanding we gain from them and how we change.

They say that stress can bring on disease to the body and I have seen that enough to believe it possible, but what about the soul. Does the soul carry the trauma on with it or can it, when not connected to the body understand the reason for the challenges.  Are these challenges just for us, our own learning, or are they for the people around us and part of their lessons.

Mediums or channellers of spirits might say that they have a connection with a soul who passed and give evidence to loved ones of an illness that took the spirit over. If this is a memory for the family, providing evidence of life after death, it must remain in some way with the soul of the spirit that has passed.  I hope that after death illness disappears as it is only an illness of the body but I have a feeling the memories must surely remain.

My mother has always had a fear of not being able to breath, terrible claustrophobia.  Today my mother sits with an oxygen cylinder by her side assisting her breathing, her lung capacity is at a minimum and she has a lung disease that will eventually end her life.  That the fear became a reality is strange, is it a coincidence or something more meaningful, did she know all that time ago, was she in fact involved in the plan.  I know for sure that I have learnt from her pain and will continue to learn as I care for her.

The soul of the child is born into a family who cannot show love and therefore the child cannot learn love unless, provided with this experience. The child cannot show empathy, trust and understanding to others, as it has no knowledge of these things in this lifetime. But what about the soul of the child, the soul that has lived many lifetimes before this one, does it not retain some of those memories. Do the challenges and lessons of previous lives help us through the ones that follow.

What about our resilience, do we develop it here on earth or is this something we bring with us, learnt from the many challenges of the paths we have walked before. What is natural resilience anyway, I’m resilient, but I also know I have achieved this through my own experiences here. I am able to deal with some traumatic situations by removing myself from the pain of them. Or am I still kidding myself, will the pain slap me around the face one day.

The brain of the child does not receive the signals required from the parent in order to grow and development is delayed. What happens to the soul is it underdeveloped too, does it know it has been let down, is it raging inside that this life might negatively dictate its future journey.

Does the soul not recall love, does it not know there is love in the world. I know as a child, I had a friend, invisible to the adults around me but she loved me. I was born into a loving family and I did forget her, maybe when life on this world became the larger part of my experience and therefore had to be the truth. But I hope this shows we are born with an understanding of love and that we bring some of it with us.

I don’t think the soul is a blank canvas at birth I think it retains some of the wonder of worlds beyond and lives before. It just forgets as the new world unfolds around it. Hopefully a child will receive love, know that there is someone there for them unconditionally and grow up into a loving and understanding world.

I hope that the memories the soul carries help in this life, even if forgotten for now they provide a memory of what is possible and hope.

When people live traumatic lives, through loneliness, war, loss, mental health and illness how long does it take to recover and what happens to the soul. If each lifetime is a lesson, can one lifetime destroy the lessons learnt before.

When you hear stories about life beyond this world you hear of ills being cured, those that were blind seeing, those who could not walk walking. What about those that were not loved, I assume they, find love and are loved in return. I’m guessing they will have more time to recover before the next life………….

I found this piece of writing in my drafts, it was before my mother passed over.  I probably wrote it at a time I attempting to come to terms with grief, thinking about my own personal trauma and that of my mothers.  I haven’t answered all of the questions yet, I might not.

Thoughts on Spirituality

lizaaitken

We spend a lot of time trying to discover who we really are, find out what we should be doing and how to live our lives. We attempt to connect with our true selves, through meditation, mindfulness and just regular kindness. We treat our bodies well and love as we should, unconditionally when we can. We are kind to the planet and follow as best we can the recommended spiritual pathways. Thousands of books have been written on the subject of spirituality, from many different points of view, but who are we really?

I believe we are spirit incarnated in a physical body, living regular lives on this planet called earth and that is the problem. A spiritual being is made up of energy and colour but without form, spirit is thought, love and feeling not matter. When we are born into this earthly existence wherever we came from and whatever we knew before, the first primitive things that hit us are the needs of our physical body. We need warmth, food, clothing and shelter and there it begins our departure from anything we were connected with before. We have to find our way through a world based on materialism, where what you own counts more than what you do. We are programmed from the moment of our birth into whatever society we are born into, there starts the race back.

I believe we come her with a plan, we know what our purpose is and have a hand (turn of phrase) in planning our journey. I think we even choose our families and friends in returning to the same soul groups, but play a different part each time. Not all performances get a standing ovation, but we can hope we get it right this time. We know as spiritual beings what the objectives are, in our all seeing all knowing form we understood. In retuning to the same soul groups we will influence and challenge each other, assist each others journey and hold each other back. Until we realise this journey is ours and ours alone we will not fully make progress, that is not to say that a big part of our journey might be service to others.

I think we choose our challenges but that is  undertaken from a higher perspective, where we have what I call, the long view. We know what experiences we need to realise and overcome in order to grow and make progress on our spiritual pathway but we have to do it in a materialistic world full of obstacles from the moment we arrive. It does seem like a cruel trick, a difficult level in a game that we have to keep repeating until we get it right. But we do progress, I can look back on my life and see the steps I have made to get here now. I hate looking back, I’m not proud of some of my selfish and often easier choices earlier on. They say your life flashes before you when you die, there are bits of it that I see now and recognise as failure. But I hope I’m marked on my overall performance, what steps I made along the way and how much I changed. What if we get it wrong, do we have to do it all again, I’m inclined to think we do.

I believe in reincarnation, I’m not sure how it works but I believe in the continuation of the soul and reincarnation seems to me to sit nicely within it. So each life we progress until we reach a place in which we do not have to return. I’m sure there is more work to do after this but we won’t need to return again unless we chose to in order to help others. There’s a thought, say we return as a master and get it wrong, do we have to start at the very beginning. I think it can be easier to understand if you look at it like a game of snakes and ladders, each life is a new game and how quickly we get to the top depends on what we find in our way. It is so easy to land on a snake and find ourselves back where we started.

So we experience rejection, loss, poverty and illness here and have no idea why. I think that we probably have to come to a physical environment to experience these things. We are spirits learning how to be better and this is a stage in our learning, we need to overcome and find the true purpose of life in a place that doesn’t have the answers. If we think of the afterlife as a library and ourselves as students we have to agree we couldn’t sit our exams in a library, we have to find an appropriate place, an exam centre so to speak. We are all students working through the practical stage of the exam and we won’t get our results until we complete it, this might just be the foundation level.

So what about our higher selves, our greater consciousness, the part we tap into sometimes when we meditate. I’ve been told that we are connected by an invisible thread and that part of ourselves does not come to earth but remains in the spiritual planes. When we truly connect with our higher self we get the answers, because that part of us knows and can guide us in the right direction. I visualise my teenage self up there with my higher self, I think she can learn from her as could I.  One problem with any form of connection is that it is we talk with our mouths, listen with our ears and work things out with our brains, spirit don’t have these things any more so we have to learn telepathy or something in order to interpret what we think we feel.

Anyway who knows, sometimes I think maybe we should just let the mystery be and find out when the race is run.

Transitions

lizaaitken

I believe in life after death but it scares me.

My fear, I know is only the fear of the unknown, like how I felt before I ever flew in an airplane.  All of those unanswered questions, how would it stay up in the air, would I survive the fall if it didn’t.  Then my father took me up in a small cessna, we soared above the land and into the clouds, free and at one with the beauty of the sky.  My stomach moved with the wind, up to greet my heart and down again.  My feet, so redundant from the earth, hung from my small body waiting for their next step.

It’s the same with many new experiences, snorkeling, writing, speaking out in public, a new job and those first date nerves.  Until I have reached the other side of the experience I have no map of it or understanding.  It is clearly the transition and loss of any control that scares me not the event.

The separation of my soul from my body worries me, will it know where to go will it leave anything behind, what colour will it be and what will that say about me.  What about the scars, how will the soul carry these memories.  What about these poor souls you hear about that are lost, left to wander the earth until rescued, will my soul find its way.

We get so entrenched in our lives as they are, without the chains that hold us to the everyday, what will we do without these ties.  It took me a year to get used to being me after I quit the job I felt I was dying in.  I had spent years going through the motions that I felt kept me safe in a job I was not happy or ever my true self in.

This year I have found me, talked to myself and explored my new world.  I have made new friends, much kinder, more interesting friends.  The reason for this I think is because they are the people I have met while doing the things I want to do, they like me are drawn to certain areas and experiences.  Through my new world I believe I have found love and that I really care about the people in my life, not for what they give me but for what we share.

I do worry about those people I love when I die, the separation from them even if only for a short while pains me to think about.  Will I really be able to see my family grow, will I carry my worries as a parent with me or will I know then that everything will be okay.  Will my son feel me close by and catch me from the corner of his eye, will he notice the signs. What about the people who wait to greet me, that have been watching my mistakes on earth, will they too understand.

When we make this next transition, will we understand, does the soul that has travelled through many lives really recall them all.  Will this last existence make sense when remembered with all the others.

And then what……