Tag: journey

Soul Trauma

lizaaitken

Are there traumatised souls beyond this world…

Much of my work in life has been with traumatised children, many of whom have been traumatised through their early life experiences. Born into unloving homes, with parents incapable of providing the love a child needs to thrive or abused at the hands of adults who should have cared for them.

Although early intervention, love and understanding can help in recovery for children who have suffered traumatic experiences, I believe in some way the soul carries these scars forward, certainly in this life and maybe beyond. If the purpose of the challenges on earth is to develop the soul so that it becomes enlightened, surely it can only do this through these memories and how they impact upon this life.  What understanding we gain from them and how we change.

They say that stress can bring on disease to the body and I have seen that enough to believe it possible, but what about the soul. Does the soul carry the trauma on with it or can it, when not connected to the body understand the reason for the challenges.  Are these challenges just for us, our own learning, or are they for the people around us and part of their lessons.

Mediums or channellers of spirits might say that they have a connection with a soul who passed and give evidence to loved ones of an illness that took the spirit over. If this is a memory for the family, providing evidence of life after death, it must remain in some way with the soul of the spirit that has passed.  I hope that after death illness disappears as it is only an illness of the body but I have a feeling the memories must surely remain.

My mother has always had a fear of not being able to breath, terrible claustrophobia.  Today my mother sits with an oxygen cylinder by her side assisting her breathing, her lung capacity is at a minimum and she has a lung disease that will eventually end her life.  That the fear became a reality is strange, is it a coincidence or something more meaningful, did she know all that time ago, was she in fact involved in the plan.  I know for sure that I have learnt from her pain and will continue to learn as I care for her.

The soul of the child is born into a family who cannot show love and therefore the child cannot learn love unless, provided with this experience. The child cannot show empathy, trust and understanding to others, as it has no knowledge of these things in this lifetime. But what about the soul of the child, the soul that has lived many lifetimes before this one, does it not retain some of those memories. Do the challenges and lessons of previous lives help us through the ones that follow.

What about our resilience, do we develop it here on earth or is this something we bring with us, learnt from the many challenges of the paths we have walked before. What is natural resilience anyway, I’m resilient, but I also know I have achieved this through my own experiences here. I am able to deal with some traumatic situations by removing myself from the pain of them. Or am I still kidding myself, will the pain slap me around the face one day.

The brain of the child does not receive the signals required from the parent in order to grow and development is delayed. What happens to the soul is it underdeveloped too, does it know it has been let down, is it raging inside that this life might negatively dictate its future journey.

Does the soul not recall love, does it not know there is love in the world. I know as a child, I had a friend, invisible to the adults around me but she loved me. I was born into a loving family and I did forget her, maybe when life on this world became the larger part of my experience and therefore had to be the truth. But I hope this shows we are born with an understanding of love and that we bring some of it with us.

I don’t think the soul is a blank canvas at birth I think it retains some of the wonder of worlds beyond and lives before. It just forgets as the new world unfolds around it. Hopefully a child will receive love, know that there is someone there for them unconditionally and grow up into a loving and understanding world.

I hope that the memories the soul carries help in this life, even if forgotten for now they provide a memory of what is possible and hope.

When people live traumatic lives, through loneliness, war, loss, mental health and illness how long does it take to recover and what happens to the soul. If each lifetime is a lesson, can one lifetime destroy the lessons learnt before.

When you hear stories about life beyond this world you hear of ills being cured, those that were blind seeing, those who could not walk walking. What about those that were not loved, I assume they, find love and are loved in return. I’m guessing they will have more time to recover before the next life………….

I found this piece of writing in my drafts, it was before my mother passed over.  I probably wrote it at a time I attempting to come to terms with grief, thinking about my own personal trauma and that of my mothers.  I haven’t answered all of the questions yet, I might not.

Remember Me….

lizaaitken

How will I be remembered when I’m gone from this life and only a memory to those who once knew me. This question troubles me because I don’t want to be thought of for my imperfections.

Please don’t remember me because I straightened the sofa cushions after you finished sitting.  Remember the conversation we had while you sat there and that I listened intently to you and that I was interested in what you had to say.  Know that I cared about you, that I loved you dearly and that I was so proud of you along with the relationship we had with each other, whatever that relationship was.

Please don’t recall my perfectionist ways, I never looked for perfection outside of myself, you were always so perfect. To me you were always amazing and I believe you will truly go all the way. The sun shines out of you and exposes your warm spirit, it’s why I wanted to be with you.

Please don’t think about the fact that I couldn’t sing, remember that I kept trying, and it made you laugh and yes sometimes embarrassed you. We laughed, I laughed and you all laughed with me and sometimes you sang too – I know you revelled in my happiness in those moments as I did yours.

Please don’t think of me as a housewife either, because when I tidied up around you or swept the crumbs from the table while you ate, it was because I wanted to be near you.  I wanted to blend with your energies, feel you and care for you.

Please don’t think about my materialist ways, my love of handbags and shoes and need to bring home a shopping bag each trip out. I was confused, in search of beauty, but nothing really ever meant as much as you do to me.

Please remember that we travelled together in each others dreams, we broke through the universe together and anything was possible. Those frightening ones where we worried for each other turned out okay too, didn’t they, we lived another day here together.

Please remember me as a mother, a friend, listener, cook, artist and a lover of life -just remember that our pathways crossed whoever you are. That we complimented each other for a short while here, and that we knew each other was a gift.

Please think of me with a smile on your face and remember that I will always think of you and connect with you in love.

Thoughts on Spirituality

lizaaitken

We spend a lot of time trying to discover who we really are, find out what we should be doing and how to live our lives. We attempt to connect with our true selves, through meditation, mindfulness and just regular kindness. We treat our bodies well and love as we should, unconditionally when we can. We are kind to the planet and follow as best we can the recommended spiritual pathways. Thousands of books have been written on the subject of spirituality, from many different points of view, but who are we really?

I believe we are spirit incarnated in a physical body, living regular lives on this planet called earth and that is the problem. A spiritual being is made up of energy and colour but without form, spirit is thought, love and feeling not matter. When we are born into this earthly existence wherever we came from and whatever we knew before, the first primitive things that hit us are the needs of our physical body. We need warmth, food, clothing and shelter and there it begins our departure from anything we were connected with before. We have to find our way through a world based on materialism, where what you own counts more than what you do. We are programmed from the moment of our birth into whatever society we are born into, there starts the race back.

I believe we come her with a plan, we know what our purpose is and have a hand (turn of phrase) in planning our journey. I think we even choose our families and friends in returning to the same soul groups, but play a different part each time. Not all performances get a standing ovation, but we can hope we get it right this time. We know as spiritual beings what the objectives are, in our all seeing all knowing form we understood. In retuning to the same soul groups we will influence and challenge each other, assist each others journey and hold each other back. Until we realise this journey is ours and ours alone we will not fully make progress, that is not to say that a big part of our journey might be service to others.

I think we choose our challenges but that is  undertaken from a higher perspective, where we have what I call, the long view. We know what experiences we need to realise and overcome in order to grow and make progress on our spiritual pathway but we have to do it in a materialistic world full of obstacles from the moment we arrive. It does seem like a cruel trick, a difficult level in a game that we have to keep repeating until we get it right. But we do progress, I can look back on my life and see the steps I have made to get here now. I hate looking back, I’m not proud of some of my selfish and often easier choices earlier on. They say your life flashes before you when you die, there are bits of it that I see now and recognise as failure. But I hope I’m marked on my overall performance, what steps I made along the way and how much I changed. What if we get it wrong, do we have to do it all again, I’m inclined to think we do.

I believe in reincarnation, I’m not sure how it works but I believe in the continuation of the soul and reincarnation seems to me to sit nicely within it. So each life we progress until we reach a place in which we do not have to return. I’m sure there is more work to do after this but we won’t need to return again unless we chose to in order to help others. There’s a thought, say we return as a master and get it wrong, do we have to start at the very beginning. I think it can be easier to understand if you look at it like a game of snakes and ladders, each life is a new game and how quickly we get to the top depends on what we find in our way. It is so easy to land on a snake and find ourselves back where we started.

So we experience rejection, loss, poverty and illness here and have no idea why. I think that we probably have to come to a physical environment to experience these things. We are spirits learning how to be better and this is a stage in our learning, we need to overcome and find the true purpose of life in a place that doesn’t have the answers. If we think of the afterlife as a library and ourselves as students we have to agree we couldn’t sit our exams in a library, we have to find an appropriate place, an exam centre so to speak. We are all students working through the practical stage of the exam and we won’t get our results until we complete it, this might just be the foundation level.

So what about our higher selves, our greater consciousness, the part we tap into sometimes when we meditate. I’ve been told that we are connected by an invisible thread and that part of ourselves does not come to earth but remains in the spiritual planes. When we truly connect with our higher self we get the answers, because that part of us knows and can guide us in the right direction. I visualise my teenage self up there with my higher self, I think she can learn from her as could I.  One problem with any form of connection is that it is we talk with our mouths, listen with our ears and work things out with our brains, spirit don’t have these things any more so we have to learn telepathy or something in order to interpret what we think we feel.

Anyway who knows, sometimes I think maybe we should just let the mystery be and find out when the race is run.

Treasure in a coffin.

lizaaitken

A coffin would usually measure about 84 inches in length and be 28 inches wide so with you inside it, however slender you are, there won’t be an awful lot of room for treasure.

The word coffin derives from the old French word cofin, meaning basket or cradle. It seams funny and a little strange to me that we arrive and leave in the same vehicles. I’m wondering if it because each time we travel we are being born in one place and saying goodbye to another.

Although any box used for the dead is a coffin, the word casket is also widely used. It’s interesting that a casket was originally a box for jewelry. I think perhaps we are the jewels in this case and our value is measured by our deeds on earth.

I think what I’m getting at here, you have to stay with me, as I write to formulate my thoughts. Anyway what I’m saying is that we can’t really take anything with us, it will not stay along for the ride. We won’t wake up in the hereafter with the wealth we have amassed on earth any more than a baby is born with a healthy bank account and pots of gold.

So why do we spend our lives building our individual empires, with dreams of wealth being some of the most prominent. Why do we pray for a lottery win over health and happiness and why do we find it so hard to let go of material possessions when there will come a day we have no other option.

I’m as guilty as the rest, I’m a magpie, and I like beautiful things around me. I like things to shine, I polish taps and shine sinks. I bought my car as the tan leather seats went with my handbags. I weigh more on the bathroom scales than I actually should, because of the silver jewelry I never take off. I’m working on this and I will continue working, as I know the treasures we have on earth are nothing more than fool’s gold.

If we could only see each other by looking at the beauty of each individual soul without the material possessions or lack of possessions. I think we would see a completely different picture. We would truly see each other for who we really are by what we give out and not be swayed by falseness. I wonder what colours I give out, I hope they say something good about me.

Lately I have being seeing the natural beauty in nature, the flowers and the colours, the sounds and the smells. This is new for me, I’m a town girl and always busy and on the go. I’m giving myself more time now, I have slowed down, I’m watching and waiting.

I am wealthy in friends and loved ones, I have beautiful people around me but I won’t be taking them with me, nor would they want to come. I know I will die with the people I love around me but that will be as far as they go. I travel alone and the only treasure I want with me is the love of those I hold dear. I know with all certainty that the only treasures I will count as I leave this place are the people I love.

I’m thinking about this today and I’m going to keep thinking about it because I don’t want to forget. The wealth I have now and any wealth I have in the future will be measured in any kindness and love I’m able to give out. The treasure I will take with me will be those memories and achievements. I think they will fit as they will be sewn into my spirit and travel with me.

What will you fit in your coffin with you when they carry you out of this lifetime?

The Whisper

lizaaitken

Someone spoke into my ear, whispered clearly, a man’s voice I think, deep and soft, but I didn’t quite get it.  It woke me from my sleep although I don’t think I was quite there yet, just at that in between space between sleeping and not sleeping, that comfortable, warm trance like state we seek when attempting to meditate and switch off the world.  I sat up and looked around the room for the source of the whisper, looking into the spectrum of grey mist and shadow.  The moon was bright and the large sash window cast shadows around the room, but they were just shadows, everything being familiar and as it was when I turned off the light. My cat Eris, watched curiously from the bottom of the bed, I could just see her outline and feel the warmth of her body stretched across my feet and although I couldn’t see her face I knew she wasn’t amused at the interruption.  I’m sure it wasn’t my imagination, I know the voice inside my head, it’s been there all my life, it’s me, sounds like me and thinks like me.  This was different, a voice close enough to be in my head but just outside.

I wasn’t frightened which surprised me, I felt almost privileged but disappointed I had missed the message.  I waited for the voice to come again, speaking out loud into the darkness, hoping for a repeat whisper and wanting to understand the reason behind it.  Silence filled the room, trees swayed silently in the distance through the window but even the usual noises of the city seemed to be muffled.  I strained my ears for the sound of anything, a heartbeat maybe but nothing but the slight drip from the tap in the bathroom down the hall.  I lay down again on my side, hair tucked behind my ear, searching the large mirror to the side of my bed surveying the room, watching for the movement I knew would not come.

I slept, without interruption this time, a sound sleep of a familiar dream, the dream I have often although it varies it’s the same repetitive dream.  I’m travelling across water and as I look down waves crash powerfully against a shore.  Sometimes I’m in a plane and occasionally I view the scene from a cliff or somewhere high above floating.  But I always see the water and its always moving and deep, somehow communicating, the white froth of the surf against the blue of the sea as it crashes against land.  As I travel tonight I am aware of the silence, the waves should be loud but they are not, it is as if the sound is turned down. There is always a house, not ever the same but the house is always large with many rooms of which I have to travel through.  During my many journeys through this dream, I have visited castles with huge dome like ceilings, family homes, churches and old farmhouses and I have walked through all of them searching for the room I am supposed to enter where I will find an answer.  The dream is sometimes frightening and sometimes pleasant, the atmosphere changes from room to room, I occasionally linger in a room, run from some and through others.  Tonight the house is old and the walls are cold stone, I hear my father talking to his wife in the distance but I don’t see him. My father is usually in this dream, due to arrive or just leaving but I always catch a glimpse of him although it is my journey and he too is travelling.

I wake and lay back on my warm pillow, molded by sleep, I breathe in the new day.   Through the window the old tree moves gently in the wind as it towers above the city buildings.   I think about the voice and wonder who it was, I’m certain I heard it, that it was a man and it was familiar.  I ponder also on my dream, I didn’t find what I was searching for but I will travel there again I know this with certainty. Eris wonders around the room, brushing against the bed, as is her routine, she is waiting for her food, as if I could forget.  Slowly I push back the duvet, hold it aloft as I step from the bed and head from the room.  I stop with my hand on the door and look around once again……………………………..