Another Phase

Daily Post word prompt: Phase

<a href=””>Phase</a&gt;

An email dropped into my inbox telling me that my blog was too heavy and depressing for one so young and so full of vitality. Oh dear, just when I was thinking about writing some more about death. Do I unplug the laptop or continue, I’m at a loss.  The trouble is death is on my mind a lot these days. Not my death, I have no plan for my own demise yet, although that does creep into my dreams sometimes, but the death of others. I get caught up in the death of those I have loved, I suppose I’m still in the processing stage, it’s a phase I’m going through.

The email came from a well meaning aunt, she feels a responsibility to her nieces and wants us to be happy, I will tell her not to worry, it’s only another phase.  I have been through numerous phases in my life, starting I suppose with the ‘why?’ phase as a toddler. I have forgotten more phases than I can remember and that’s a good thing, but there have been few over the years.

There was of course the crazy Bay City Rollers Phase. I loved Derek on the drums dearly, he didn’t say or sing anything much, but I couldn’t choose Les as he was already taken a few times over by all the other girls on the estate. Derek was the least popular so I had a better chance, well that was my reckoning at the time. I wore his scarf tied around my wrist for the whole summer. It wasn’t his actual scarf but his tartan and I wore it constantly even sleeping in it and wearing it on the beach as a stylish swimsuit accessory.  When the phase was over and David Essex came into my life the posters were ripped off of the wall without a seconds thought and the scarf was dumped.

A number of other phases came and went, some like crushes, lasting fleeting moments and some lasting a little longer. The black phase was funny, dressed with my friend head to toe in black, the ‘Black widows’ we called ourselves and my god did we look weird. I think it lasted less than a week, probably until all the black stuff was in the laundry basket and we had to give up, put on our jeans and get back on our bikes.

I had a number of different man phases as is wholly natural when trying to find a soul mate. The gangster phase I’m not going to say much about apart from the excruciating embarrassment of my college tutor calling me a ‘gangers moll’.  Then of course the inevitable marriage phase which never really worked and went on for a while longer than it should have.

I think now I have finally reached a new phase. I’m now focussing on me, getting to know my true self as we tend to do as middle age creeps in. I think it must be connected to ageing and the arrival of the death instinct.  Anyway this involves me attempting to gain an understanding myself without the attachments I have always needed to feel real. Maybe my death obsession is also connected to the letting go of attachments.  Who knows, it’s probably just another phase I’m going through.

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