I watch from the window as you walk down the quiet street. I’m tucked away in case you look around, I don’t want you to see me up here. You walk stiffly, shoulders bent and head down, your arms straight and tight by your side. Those arms should be swinging, you should look comfortable in your body, your head should be high and you should be at your full and beautiful size my wonderful girl.
I see you pause and I look beyond you, to see what has distracted you from your path. I see the gang of teenage girls, younger than you are now, sitting upon the wall up ahead. They wouldn’t appear threatening to many people, but to you I know they are a huge obstacle. You stop for just a moment, I think you might turn around and return home but you cross the road to distance yourself from the group. They don’t even notice you as you pass on the other side of the street, but I’m sure it doesn’t feel like that to you. I’m sure just like me you’re holding your breath, waiting for a shout or something to be thrown. There, my love its over, you made it and they are sure to be gone by your return in an hour, if not you can walk on the other side again, no one will notice.
I hate the bullies that did this to you, took away your teenage years when you should be laughing and maybe like the other girls sitting on the wall talking about boy bands and boyfriends. I hate the fact that many of your hours are spent in your room with the curtains closed, listening to that awful music and writing in your diary. I wish you didn’t wear black all the time, I really think you could do with some colour in your life.
Your diary shouts at me from across your room, spews out your hurt, it screams loudly your loss. I would never open the cover and look but I can feel the pain inside those pages, feel your loneliness and hear your anger.
I would take away your pain in a moment, carry it for you and more on top if I thought it would give you your youth back. I know you will overcome this one day, know that you will have a wonderful life. You are just too lovely not to and like attracts like in the end my darling I promise.
I’m still at the window just over an hour later as you return. I duck behind the curtain as I see you turn the corner. It has been a long hour for both of us but you won’t know that I have been watching for you as I sit down with my feet curled under me and open my book.