I’m trying to work out love, what love is and how it feels. I want to describe it in its real sense. I want to be able to recognise the feeling of love in written words, I want to know love so that I can share love.

I think I love, I know I love but it is so very hard to put the feeling into words.

I know that love is unconditional in as much as you don’t require anything back. You are happy to give love, happiness and joy without needing anything for yourself. What you get back is what you give yourself through the actions of giving your love, giving of yourself, as to give love out fills you up with renewed love inside. I’m sure that makes no sense, probably as it has taken me so long to get here myself. I have only just started to think about what love means although I think I have been practicing love for a lifetime.

Most of my life I think I may have measured love by what you got back, or how it has been reciprocated. That’s not to say I’m not kind, but confused for a while. My mum does not agree with this, we have argued over it, but she loves me.

I don’t think you can be lonely when you love, because to love is to link into another being or cause with your whole soul. When you connect in that way you are not alone in spirit even if you are in a physical sense. I’m not alone even when I am, in fact I just don’t like having too many people around me now, I enjoy myself, I like me. It takes so long to reach this place, but when you’re here you wonder why you didn’t arrive earlier.

I think love must be connected to the stomach in some way, I know the heart usually represents love but I just don’t feel it there, I feel it in my stomach. I have tried to feel love in my heart, maybe if told to open my heart but it just feels empty. I think my heart might be in my stomach or maybe I have got love wrong. I feel the people I love in my stomach, it’s a warmth when I think about them or I’m happy for them and if I’m worried my stomach constricts and feels hollow. I wonder if there is a connection with overeating in the world, filling the gap with food instead of love, not recognizing the feeling of love. I can see, if I think of it in this way, why it would be terribly easy to love food, no wonder diets don’t work.

Infatuation, falling in love is so much easier to describe. The butterflies in the pit of your stomach, the beat of your heart, the sexual fulfillment, quickness of breath and those wistful dreams. But that is not the love I’m talking about here, I’m trying to describe the deep love we feel for another that is not reliant on our own fulfillment.

If I could describe love in a picture I would draw a circle.

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