Wishing you the best!

lizaaitken

Let me start this by telling you I mean you no harm. I am not trying or wanting to hurt or shame you in any way and I am trying my hardest to wish you my absolute best at the moment.

I just need to say what I feel today. I need to because my feelings are escaping me and entering into other parts of my life where they do not belong. 

I have to tell you, you let me down. Yes, I can hear you now saying that you haven’t done anything of the sort, we got divorced years ago. Yes you’re right, I’m happy about that, but we had a child. 

Yesterday our son told me he’d like to change his name. As you know, we kept your name but now he doesn’t want it. 

I told him that if he did decide to change it, I would change mine too. I only kept it because I wanted the same name as him, but we couldn’t decide what would we call ourselves. I sort of married my father, a replica anyway, so if we went back to my maiden name it wouldn’t be that much of a statement. We talked about my mothers maiden name, it didn’t sound right, we could make one up, we just couldn’t decide. 

Today he wasn’t so bothered, he had decided he liked his name, he’d got used to it and it didn’t really connect with you if you weren’t about. I don’t mind mine, there is no rush or plan to change it just yet.

I have to tell you, you were always fine as an absent father, we managed. No, we did magnificently, we got over it. That is, until you decided to hold out, I don’t know what you would call it, an invitation, the hand of friendship, god knows. But he believed it, our sensitive, trusting boy believed his dad wanted to know him at last, did you bollocks!

You talked about how important it was for you to know your son, how much he meant to you, how you wanted to make up for lost time. I was over the moon, I fell for it too. I think maybe, I hoped.

I never tried to turn him against you, I had seen friends do this with their kids but I hoped that whatever relationship we might have had, it might be different for him. I told him he was born in love, I thought he was.

He dared hold out his hand back, he asked you for help. You have him platitudes, you gave him hope but you didn’t give him anything he needed. You have his telephone number, don’t you?

It didn’t go unnoticed by either of us when you proudly shared a post about ‘your eldest’ on Facebook. Only she’s not your eldest is she, you forgot our boy.

You held out that hand and snatched it away, you bastard. There are no why’s and wherefores to this post, you won’t read it anyway. I’m not going into any detail on all the things you haven’t done either, because I’m proud of what I’ve done. I just wish you had never shown your face again, he was fine without you.

If I can make any good out of this, I can tell him that it’s a lesson, a hard one, but one that will make a difference, you see all the hard ones do. If I could tell you anything it would be, you’re a disappointment but I’m trying hard at the moment to wish you all the best.

lizalizaskysaregrey©2017

Published by lizaaitken

Mother, daughter, sister, cat owner/slave. Thoughtful about life and trying to make it worthwhile.

17 thoughts on “Wishing you the best!”

  2. Well done for writing this and getting it all out. I think sometimes even if they never see it, it’s cathartic to get it out. Wishing you well as always 💛

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  4. Proud! of you! of your son! for weathering a vicious storm of uncaring platitudes and no real depth of love. I know this one very well, can empathize completely.understand and raised my kids the same. Never bad mouthed their father Critical Error spoke to this. An olive branch whisked away, leaves more to deal with, more scars, more pain than not being there, not being available, it’s the ultimate sting of not caring. I love you Liza. Thrilled you are there for your son supporting whatever decision he makes. So proud! I know I don’t know you well, or long, but some things are meant to be.

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      1. You are precious. I so understood every feeling thought and deed accompanied with love for your son. My poem today was in response to yours and in part to how I felt when it happened to us and I responded axactly the same. First time it brought a tear to my eye big hugs precious one.

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      2. Phyllis your poem is fabulous and captures each of these emotions! Big ((hugs)) back my lovely. I think the timing is not helping, packing up and all that, or maybe it’s helping me too in getting it all out! x

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  5. So sad to see another child go through this. I know your pain and it is never easy. So glad you have taken it upon yourself to raise an amazing young man. He will find, in time, that there are no similarities between him and his father even if there is a similarity in name. Hugs to both of you…

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